Will I Wake Tomorrow
by LostInKaos
Summary: Mark is sick. Really sick. Roger is shocked. Collins, Maureen and Joanne are out of the loop. Can Mark make amends with not only his friend, but family before his time runs out? Things happen and lives change. Eventual Character Death
1. The Breakdown

(Author's Note: I have been working on this for a while and I know that idea may have already been used, but I'm over it. I really like where this story is going, but I'm totally sure if I'll keep going with it. I figured I would put up the first chapter just to see if anyone like it. So let me know what you think.

To let everyone know now... when I started this story months ago I didn't know how the ending was going to go. To put it simply... THERE WILL BE A CHARACTER DEATH...)

Disclaimer: I never understood this. I mean if it's on fanfiction then obviously you didn't come up with the character since it's a fanfiction, but I'll humor people. I don't own RENT

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**Will I Wake Tomorrow?**

**Chapter One: The Breakdown**

Every night in the loft stayed about the same with a few nights that Roger would be out late as he tried to clear his mind. This night, however, wasn't the same at all the other ones. It was quiet on the street below, when it was usually filled with shouts from taxi drivers and screams from people walking the street. Tonight it seemed at as though everyone was at home, or whatever a home to them might be. There were no cars out driving on the street and everything was silent. Even the people on all the other floors were silent as well. It was defiantly a strange night.

Inside the loft it was also weird. There wasn't any talking going on between the two inhabitants, they were silent. The only noise was that of Roger. He was sitting on the couch playing guitar. He wasn't really trying to play anything he was just strumming in hopes of bringing some comfort to the silent room. Mark, on the other hand, was sitting on the window ledge. He had his knees pulled up to his chest and he was holding his camera in his hands. He kept turning it over and over like he was waiting for it to do tricks or start tap dancing. Mark gave up contemplating over the camera and let it roll out of his hands and come to rest on the other side of the window ledge.

Roger noticed how distant Mark was acting tonight. Mark was usually trying to get Roger to talk about anything and everything, but tonight he sat quietly on the window ledge and watched the street below. Roger wasn't sure what Mark was looking at seeing as there was no movement on the street this night.

Roger sighed and set his guitar down next to the couch. He stood up and stretched before turning to look at Mark. Roger yawned before he spoke. "Going to bed soon?" Roger asked. Mark didn't move from his spot. He just simply shook his head no and kept looking out the window. Roger wasn't sure what to make of Mark's distant and strange behavior, but he just shrugged it off. "Well, I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning." Roger said before heading to his room.

Mark waited until he heard Roger's door close, at least he thought he heard it shut all the way, but no one could be sure with the squeak of the hinges making so much noise. Mark sighed as he began to hum to himself. He was waiting to finally be alone so he could think to himself without the fear of Roger hearing him and possibly asking questions. Without really knowing it Mark began to quietly sing to himself.

"Will I lose my dignity?  
Will someone care?  
Will I wake tomorrow,  
From this nightmare?"

He was never really sure himself why he had started singing that song at the Life Support meeting all those long months ago, but it really fit his life right now. Mark pulled his knees closer to his chest and laid his head on his knees. Tears began to fill Mark's eyes and he didn't even bother to stop them from falling. Roger was in his room, more than likely asleep, so Mark didn't care anymore. He was alone in more than one way and was able to cry to himself. He didn't care about anything right now, for he figured no one care for him. He was just there to hold people and things together. There wasn't really a point to him; at least he thought there wasn't.

Roger had closed his door and walked across his room to his bed. He pulled his shirt off over his head and then threw his pants onto the floor as well. Roger moved the blanket on his bed so he was able to crawl in to sleep when he suddenly stopped. The sound of humming had drifted to his ears. He had to be hearing things. Roger was the only one around the loft who would hum, or sing for that matter, and he was quite sure he wasn't sing at that moment.

Roger got up from his bed and walked to the door. The door had never closed all the way and through the crack in the door he saw Mark sitting on the window ledge quietly singing to himself. Mark was singing the song from the Life Support meeting. The first meeting Roger had gone to. Roger had always wondered why Mark was singing then, but Mark didn't sing anymore. Mark wasn't as happy he once was and Roger couldn't figure it out. He had always wanted to ask what had made Mark so unhappy as of late, but he never got around to prying into Mark's life.

Roger watched as Mark pulled his knees closer and began to cry. Roger wasn't sure if he was seeing things, but it was confirmed that Mark was crying when the sound of sobs came from that general direction. Roger knew this wasn't a normal way for Mark to act. Mark hadn't cried since Mimi died almost six months ago. He never cried unless it was for some big reason, so this was something that had to be tearing Mark apart on the inside.

Roger took a deep breath before opening his door up, hoping it wouldn't squeak (which it didn't for once in the entire time that they had been living there), and walked over to Mark. The floor was cooler than the floor in his room and it took his feet a moment to adjust to the temperature change. Roger made his way over way over to the crying room mate of his. Mark hadn't noticed Roger walk over to him but he did notice when a hand was placed on his shoulder. Mark didn't care anymore if Roger seen him crying or not, he didn't really care about anything anymore.

The hand on Mark's shoulder gave a reassuring squeeze before being removed. Mark still didn't look up but he felt as Roger sat down in front of him. Roger looked at his best friend and room mate. Mark was shaking from his tears and Roger realized how Mark must have felt when Roger was going through his withdrawal and depressions. Roger placed another hand on Mark's shoulder. Mark didn't give any response to Roger's touch. After a while Roger was about to get up and head to his room when Mark reached up and grabbed onto Roger's hand.

Mark grabbed into Roger's hand tightly and didn't let it go. Roger took his other hand and wrapped it around Mark's small body to pull him into the best hug that he could since he only had one arm to do so with. Mark let go of Roger's hand and wrapped his arms around Roger's neck and cried into his best friend's chest. Roger wrapped both arms around Mark's waist and pulled him into a tight hug. Mark's hands clung to Roger's bare skin as Roger rocked Mark back and forth while telling Mark that everything would be okay. Roger ran one of his hands through Mark's hair just like Mark had always done to Roger when he was having an extremely hard time getting through his withdrawal.

"Mark, are you alright?" Roger asked as Mark continued to sob into Roger's chest. Mark didn't reply he just kept hugging and crying to Roger. Roger stood up and picked up Mark. Roger had known that Mark was lighter than him, but he never realized how much so until just now. He shrugged it off for now; he would deal with Mark and his weight later, but right now was not the time. Roger carried Mark to his room and then set Mark down in this own bed. Mark didn't want to let Roger go, but eventually gave up trying to hold on and let go. Tears were still falling down Mark's face, but he wasn't trying to hold them back. He allowed the warm tears to fall down his face.

"Shhh, go to sleep now Mark, You'll feel better in the morning." Roger said as he wiped the tears away from Mark's face. He had never seen Mark act this way before and he wasn't a hundred percent sure as to what he should be doing. Roger took his hand and ran it through Mark's hair. It had always calmed him down when he was crying and hoped it would do the same to Mark. Mark did calm down a bit and Roger figured this would be a good time to leave Mark to sleep. He stood up and went to leave Mark's room so he could return to his own room and sleep, but before Roger even made one step away from Mark's bed, Mark grabbed Roger's wrist and held onto it. Roger stopped and looked at his best friend. He looked into Mark's eyes, which were red from crying, and saw Mark pleading with him.

"Please don't leave me." Mark said as another tear fell down his cheek. Roger looked at Mark with a sad smile before returning to Mark's side.

"I won't. I'm right here. I'm not going to leave you." Roger said as he held onto Mark's hand. He knew Mark wasn't being his typical self, but Roger didn't care. Mark needed him right now and Roger wasn't going to leave Mark in this state.

"Roger, will you stay with me tonight?" Mark asked as he grabbed a tighter grip on Roger's hand. Roger smiled and held onto Mark's hand.

"Sure" Roger said before crawling into the bed next to his best friend. This wasn't something Roger would normal do, but then again Mark did anything it took to help Roger get through his depression and wouldn't ask questions about what Roger needed. Roger lay down next to Mark and pulled him close. Mark wrapped his arms around Roger's waist and laid his head on Roger's chest. Roger wrapped his arms around Mark's small figure and held him close. Mark was freezing even thought it was late May and fairly warm outside. Roger held Mark closer to his own body to try and give some heat to Mark. Before long both boys had drifted off to sleep wrapped in each other's arms.

Morning came and Roger was the first to awaken. Sunlight was coming in through the open door to Mark's room and it took Roger a moment to realize where he was. He remembered and looked down at his sleeping room mate. Mark was still asleep and had his arms wrapped tightly around Roger's waist. Roger still held onto Mark with one arm and ran his other hand through Mark's hair. Mark let out a slight moan and moved slightly to adjust his head on Roger's chest.

Roger smiled at how childish Mark looked as he slept curled up in Roger's arms. Roger knew something was wrong with Mark that had made him break down and sob uncontrollably last night. Roger kept playing with Mark's hair in hopes of waking Mark up. Mark moaned again and yawed. This time his eyes opened and he moved his head to look up at Roger.

"Rog?" Mark asked still half a sleep and not sure he remembered what had happened last night to make it so he was waking up next to Roger.

"I'm here Mark." Roger said as he still played with Mark's hair to reassure him. "Are you feeling any better this morning?"

"Yeah I gue-" Mark said but then stopped. His eyes widened and he let go of Roger. Suddenly he jumped up out of bed. He looked at Roger with his already wide eyes and went even paler then he already was. "Oh god." Mark said. Roger was completely shocked and he too was confused as to what was going on. Mark had run from the room before Roger's brain realized where he had gone.

Roger was out of bed and running after Mark before he could get very far. Mark had taken off out of the door and was already down one flight of stairs before Roger had caught up to him. Roger grabbed onto Mark's arm and pulled him back. They both ended up falling backwards and landing on the stairs behind them. Mark did his best to struggle out of Roger's grip, but Roger was always bigger and stronger then Mark. Mark gave up the fight and just sat there trying to hold back tears. He refused to look at Roger.

"Mark, what the hell is wrong with you? Last night you are sobbing uncontrollably telling me not to leave you and this morning you jump out of bed and run away. What is going on?" Roger said as he turned Mark to look at him. He could see the tears start to form in Mark's ice blue eyes and threaten to fall. Mark avoided all eye contact that he could with Roger and just sat there silent. Roger pulled Mark into a hug and helped him up. "Come on; let's go back to the loft and talk. You always made me talk to you, so now I'm making you talk to me." Roger said as helped Mark up.

The two made their way back to the loft. Roger let go of Mark and closed the door behind them. Mark moved over to the couch as Roger closed the door. He waited for Roger to start yelling at him, but it never came. Roger just sat down on the other end of the couch and looked at Mark. They sat in silence for a while since no words were exchanged between them. Roger looked at Mark and knows whatever is bothering him can't be that good. "Mark?" Roger asks in a very caring tone, a tone that Mark has never heard Roger speak before. Mark was more taken aback by this tone and wished that Roger would just yell at him. He knew how to deal with Roger yelling, but not this. Mark was scared shitless by this type of Roger. Mark realized that Roger was looking at him waiting for an answer. Mark just wanted to get out of there quickly.

"It's nothing Roger. I'm fine." Yeah fine. He always said he was fine, but inside he's dying. He's dying in more ways than one and no one notices. He doesn't want to wake up one day to no one being there. He knows he's alone, he's always alone. He's always been alone and he'll always be alone. He'll be alone the day he dies, and every day before that. He's alone now, even with Roger only a foot away he's still alone.

"You're not fine." Roger said breaking his thought process. Mark pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head on his knees. Mark looked at him with the most unreadable expression on his face. Roger saw that Mark was lost in his own world. Mark replayed Roger's words in his head. 'You're not fine.' Roger was right. He wasn't fine, but Mark wasn't going to add more worry to Roger's already short life.

"I'm fine Roger. I really am. There is nothing wrong with me. I just had one of those thoughts again." Mark said trying to get Roger to leave him alone. It was true he was thinking about Roger's death and how Mark couldn't keep the promise he had made to Roger years ago.

"Which one?" Roger asked. There were many, but there was only one that made Mark break down into tears and not want Roger to leave him. It had never been this bad before so it had to be more than just the thought: The thought of Roger's death.

"The one it always is." Mark said and Roger sighed at his best friend. Roger reached out an placed a hand on Mark's shoulder.

"I'm not going to die anytime soon. I'm still here and thanks to you and all your caring for me I'm going to be here for years to come. I'm not going to leave you." Roger said. He noticed a single tear fall down Mark's cheek.

"It's more than just that. It's something I can't explain, and I don't know how to even if I could explain it. Just know that I'm fine. I just have to work things out in my head." Mark said. He hoped this was convincing enough for Roger. Sadly he was mistaken.

"You never were good at hiding things from me." Roger said with a smile. Mark just wanted to scream at him '_You wanna know what's wrong? I'm dying! Are you happy now?_' but he couldn't bring himself to tell Roger that he was dying and he would die before Roger's day came.

"I'm fine Roger, don't worry." Mark said as tried to stand up and get away from Roger. Roger quickly grabbed him and pulled him back onto the couch.

"You're not. Talk to me. Tell me. You always made me tell you things and now it's my turn to make you talk. What's wrong?" Roger asked. Mark sighed he knew it was now or never to tell Roger the truth. Roger would probably hate him, but he was fine with that. Life was to short and his was going to be even shorter than Roger's life.

Mark sighed before turning to look at Roger. Roger saw tears formed in Mark's eyes and knew this was about more than his own death. Mark looked Roger in the eye before getting up enough courage to say something. He took a deep breath as a tear slid down his cheek and then said what was tearing him up inside.

"Roger, I'm dying."

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Author's note: So what do you think? I'm courious to know what other people think of my story. 


	2. Mark's Confession

(Author's Note: So I was told this story is okay for the most part. I figured I would try and update as much as I could before I go on my cruise at the end of the week. Also, I am a fan of Mark/Roger but some of the beginning of the story is going to be Mark/Roger Friendship. I like their frienship too, but I really like them together because I think their personalities complement each other so well.

Just so everyone knows there is a note at the end of this chapter to explain something that I'm sure some might not get. Thanks for reading and here is the next chapter.)

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**Chapter Two: Mark's Confession**

Roger sat there in shock. Did Mark just say what Roger thought he just said? Did Mark just say he was dying? Well this wasn't a big thing considering everyone will end up dying. Roger hoped deep down that this is what Mark meant, but he knew in the pit of his stomach that it wasn't at all what Mark meant.

He looked at the man sitting in front of him. He knew Mark was thin, but he never thought it was due to Mark dying. Then the realization really hit him. He knew Mark was dying, but he didn't know from what.

"Mark? How sick are you?" Roger asked. He had reached forward and grabbed one of Mark's hands and held it tight. Terror filled Roger's whole body as he heard the three words Mark replied with.

"More than you." Mark said as another tear fell down his cheek. Roger didn't even bother to answer. He dropped Mark's hand and wrapped both arms around Mark and pulled him into a tight hug. He wasn't going to let Mark go for the world. Mark needed him more than anything now and Roger needed Mark in his life more than anything else and wasn't going to leave Mark.

Mark wrapped his arms around Roger and began to cry. He body began to shake as he sobbed into Roger's shoulder. He couldn't help but feel guilty that he had to break the promise he had made to Roger so many years ago.

_Roger was shivering as he was in the beginning of his withdrawal. Mark sat next to him and rubbed Roger's back in hopes of claming him down, sadly, his attempts failed. Roger began to shake more, not for the withdrawal but from crying. Mark wrapped his arms around Roger's body and held him close. Roger's shaking began to shake Mark's body, but he ignored that fact. Mark reached up and ran a hand through Roger's hair; instantly Roger began to calm down. His shaking became less, but he held onto Mark for support and to feel his warmth._

_"Mark?" Roger asked. His voice was weak from shaking and he was weak from the medicines he had to take due to being HIV positive. His body was still getting use to them._

_"I'm here Roger." Mark replied as he kept his arms around his body and his hand still running through Roger's hair._

_"Promise you'll never leave me." Roger said. He was extremely worn out and he was too tired to try to move to go to bed. He would rather, just stay here in Mark's arm knowing that he would never be left._

_"I promise. I'm here Roger, and I'll always be here." Mark replied. He was also tired and he didn't want to move. He wanted to stay on the couch with Roger in his arms. He loved the feeling of warmth against his body and the feeling of being needed by someone. Both men fell asleep on the couch. Roger had laid his head back against Mark's chest and Mark's head was resting on top of Roger's head. Mark's arms were wrapped around Roger's waist and both where content being with each other. _

_Mark was the first to awaken in the morning. He held on tighter to Roger, but his movement had awakened Roger. _

_"Mark?" he asked as sleep still filled his body. He just wanted to cuddle back in close to Mark and go back to sleep._

_"I'm still here." Mark said. He too was still sleepy and he wasn't in a hurry to move._

_"Mark, will you stay with me until the day I die?" Roger asked. Mark tightened his hold on Roger and laid his head back down on Roger's head._

_"I'll be with you until that day comes. You're my best friend, Roger, and I couldn't leave you when your time came. I'll be here for you." Mark said._

_That was the day that Mark kept reminding Roger about whenever Roger doubted Mark. They were best friends and that wouldn't change, no matter who died first._

Mark had promised to be there for Roger and never leave him and that Roger wouldn't have to die alone. Now it was inevitable that Mark would die before Roger even started to get sick.

"I'm sorry, Roger." Mark said in between sobs. It was tearing himself up on the inside for having to break his promise.

"For what?" Roger asked as he held Mark close. He stroked Mark's hair and tried to calm that crying blonde in his arms.

"I'm not going to be around to make sure you don't die alone. I promised you years ago that you wouldn't die alone and that I would be there until your dying day, but now I can't. I am so sorry." Mark said as he began to cry hander. He buried his head into Roger's neck but Roger pulled Mark away from him and made Mark look at him.

"Don't apologize from that. You have no control over it. I don't want you leaving with that on your mind. I would rather you didn't die alone then me. I took so much of your life during my depression and withdrawal that I don't want you to worry about it. I am taking your promise and you won't die alone. Never tell me that you're sorry about leaving me. There is nothing for you to be sorry for." Roger said. Mark began to cry harder and Roger pulled him back into a hug. "Shhh, you're going to be fine. We'll make it through this. We'll get you treatment and you'll live longer, and I'll help you through it all. I promise. I'm not going anywhere." Roger said while trying to calm Mark down.

"Roger, we don't have money for even one treatment. We barely have money for food, rent and your AZT to add on the expense of me." Mark said as he held onto Roger.

"So we'll go without my AZT for a while." Roger said.

"No!" Mark said as he jumped up and looked Roger in the eye.

"Why not? Isn't your life worth just as much as mine? I should be able to give up my health for you. You always gave things up so I could live and now I am going to do the same for you." Roger said. He looked at Mark and Mark knew there was no way to make Roger understand what he had.

"You can't give up your AZT. You would have to give it up for three years to be able to pay for even one of my treatments. I'm not going to let you die for me." Mark said as tears fall down his face.

"You gave up a million things so I was able to have my AZT and food. You almost killed yourself a zillion different times just to save me. I want to help you after all that you have done for me." Roger told Mark. He was really willing to give up his life so Mark could live. Mark was meant to outlive him, but Roger knew no matter what he did, he'd never be able to change the fact that Mark was going to leave him.

"Roger, you can live with AIDS for years to come. It might take 15 or more years from now before any signs of your death begin. I have six months if that. I have lived my life to keep you alive and I want you to keep living." Mark said. "I gave my life to you, you can't die." He couldn't look at Roger anymore. He didn't want Roger to give up his own life so Mark could live.

"Six months?" Roger said. He wasn't sure what to make of this news. His best friend was dying and he had six months left with him. Roger pulled Mark closer to him and held on as if Mark was going to pass away any moment.

"Yes." Mark was able to croak out between his tears. Roger was beginning to cry now. He couldn't lose Mark, the only constant in his life. Through everything Mark was always there. When his band broke up, there was Mark. When April committed suicide, Mark was there. When Roger went through withdraw, there was Mark. When Roger would have mood swings due to withdrawal, Mark was there. When Mimi died, there was Mark. Mark was there no matter what happened in Roger's life and now he was dying and only had six months left to live.

The two boys stayed wrapped in each other's arms for a while. Roger knew Mark was dying, but he didn't know of what. Mark was too afraid of how Roger would treat him if Roger found out what he was dying from. Mark relived that faithful moment in his head.

_Two days ago Mark work up and just looked at the ceiling. He didn't want to get out of bed, but he knew he had things to do. He had to go and get Roger's AZT, food, and his paycheck. Finally Mark rolled out of bed and got dressed. He quietly made his way over to Roger's room and opened the door slightly. There was Roger sound asleep, for the first time in a while, in his own bed. _

_Mark closed the door and walked into the so called kitchen. He wrote Roger a note and then grabbed his things and headed out the door. He went to _Buzzline _first so he could get his paycheck. Afterwards he headed to the pharmacy to pick up Roger's new bottle of AZT pills. He then stopped at the store and picked up some food since they were running low._

_After an hour or so, Mark finally returned back to the loft to find Roger up and sitting on the couch. He was playing his guitar when Mark had opened the door. He got up and helped Mark put the food away._

"_Oh, by the way, the doctor's office called and said that you needed to go in ASAP for something important. They called about ten minutes ago." Roger said without looking at Mark since he was pulling things away._

"_Did they say what about?" Mark asked hoping that they hadn't._

"_Nope, just that you needed to come in as soon as you could" Roger said. He then turned to look at Mark, "I didn't even know you went."_

"_It's nothing big, I just had a headache for a few days and figured I'd get it checked out." Mark replied to Roger. He didn't want Roger to know the real reason he went to the doctors._

_Mark and Roger finished putting the rest of the food away before Mark headed out the door, yet again, and to the doctor's. When he arrived he was instantly put into a room and moments later the doctor came in._

"_Mr. Cohen, when you had come in here last week you complained about being lethargic, and worn out as soon as you woke up. We took those as signs to check for certain illnesses. All the signs you pointed out and the diagnosis was true to one illness that was nearing the end of its existence." The doctor said. Mark wasn't sure what to make of this, but went with it. The doctor handed him a paper with the results on it. "I'll be back if you have any questions." The doctor said before walking out of the room leaving Mark with the paper._

_Mark looked at the folded piece of paper that held his fate. Slowly he opened it and read the words that would stay etched in his mind until he died. The top line was all the normal things such as his name, age, weight, height, address, and other personal information. A few lines down where the words that confirmed Mark's fate. Diagnosis: Leukemia (Last Stage). Mark stared at the paper in hopes that it would suddenly jump at him and yell 'just kidding', but Mark's fate was now sealed by the paper in his hands. He was going to die and it would be before Roger._

_The doctor came back in as Mark was still staring at the paper. "Mr. Cohen, there are a few choices you have before you. You can either start a treatment now in hopes that it will slow the process a little, or you can just wait out the remainder of the illness with no treatment." He said. Mark looked up at the doctor before replying._

"_We don't have the money for any treatments." Mark said._

"_There are ways to get around that for now, but it's up to you, seeing as it is your life that is affected." He said._

"_How long do I have?" Mark asked._

"_You'll be lucky if you make it past six months." _

_That was it. The fateful words hung in Mark's ears. Mark had six months left of his already pathetic life. The only thing that made his life worth anything, he thought, was Roger. Roger needed Mark and Mark needed Roger, but this was one thing that Roger could never find out. "What happens when my time comes?" Mark asked. The doctor sighed before explaining it to him._

"_The leukemia will take over your body and leave you extremely weak. You won't be able to do much on your own when it gets closer to the end. Without medical assistance your body will shut down everything but your cardiac and respiratory systems. Slowly those will stop and you'll leave this world in a coma type state. With medical assistance you'll stay conscious until your heart gives into the leukemia and you pass away._"

_Mark just stared at the doctor. He would basically bedead before he died. He was scared when April had killed herself, and when Angel and Mimi had died, and he was dreading the moment that Roger passed away, but now he had his own death to worry about. He couldn't deal with everyone else's, so how was he going to deal with his own? Mark took a deep breath before thanking the doctor and walking out of the building._

_Mark took the long way home so he could think of how to deal with this news of his death and even more importantly how to tell Roger and when to tell him. He wasn't so worried if everyone else found out, but he was terrified that Roger would leave when he found out that Mark was dying. When he reached the loft he composed himself as if nothing was wrong and then walked in. Lucky for him Roger was gone and it gave him more time to think and try to work things out in his head. Only thing was he wasn't sure how to work things out in his head._

Mark realized that he was now more alone than before. Yes he was wrapped in Roger's arms and as loved as one could be, but the things and feelings he was dealing with was something that no one else could relate to. Roger was now his constant and he needed Roger more than anything these next and last few months of his life.

When Mark woke later that day he was still on the couch and Roger was sitting on the floor in front of Mark's head. Roger was playing guitar quietly so to not wake Mark, but yet loud enough so Mark was able to hear that Roger was near by. Mark reached forward and ran his hand through Roger's long brownish blonde hair. Roger put his guitar down and turned around to look at Mark.

"How are you feeling?" Roger asked as he placed his arms on the couch and laid his head in his arms. He allowed Mark to play with his hair, which Roger never allowed when he was totally aware of his surrounds.

"A little better, I mean now that you know I don't have to hide a big thing from you anymore." Mark said. Roger smiled at Mark before he suddenly became serious and grabbed Mark's hand that was running through his hair.

"Mark, what can I do to make these last few months of yours great? I mean I know I can't make you a world famous filmmaker, but there has to be something I can do for you." Roger said. Mark was shocked. He had never thought about what he wanted to do in his few months left of being here on earth. He was too afraid of Roger leaving that he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. He couldn't think of anything that he wanted from Roger. Well, there was one thing he did want, but Roger couldn't make that happen and Mark knew that, but he still hoped it might happen.

"I don't know. I never thought about it. I was to afraid of you finding out and leaving that I was spending all my time trying to think of ways to hide it until my last few weeks. I was to afraid to lose you as my best friend to really think about what I wanted to do in the time I had left." Mark said. Roger was the one taken aback by this comment this time. Mark was afraid of him leaving that he didn't think of what he wanted to do. Mark was now limited to life and he was afraid of what Roger thought.

"Mark, I'm not going to leave. I am staying right here with you until your last breath. So just do me a favor and think of something. You always wanted to make my life, however long I had left, great, but now you are the one running out of time and I want to do that for you. Please, think of something." Roger said. Mark smiled before answering him.

"I'll think about it Rog and I'll tell you the moment I know." Mark replied.

Roger smiled and let go of Mark's hand, which he had been holding onto this whole time. Roger laid his head back on his arms and let Mark play with his hair. It always amused him how much Mark liked his hair no matter how it looked. Some days it was flat and other it was sticking up on end and then there were his good hair days, but no matter what Mark still loved Roger's hair. Roger would have to say the same. Mark's hair was always up in the front and Mark never did anything to it but comb it. The only time Mark's hair was ever down was when it was wet right after his shower or he had been caught in the rain.

Mark closed his eyes as he played with Roger's hair. It was amazing to him how he cared more about what Roger thought and how he would act then what he wanted from his last few months of life. He thought about what he wanted and the same thought came to him. He really just wanted to be loved by someone who loved him back. Yeah he had been with Maureen but she never really loved him as he wanted to be loved. She cared for him and still did, but that wasn't what Mark wanted. He wanted someone that would be with him and that he would end up marrying, but he couldn't marry and have a family as he wanted in the time he had left. He knew telling Roger that would be something that Roger couldn't do. Roger wasn't gay and even though Roger was good when it came to dealing with girls he wouldn't be able to find someone for Mark. Mark sighed as he tried to think of something that Roger could do, but his mind kept coming back to the same thing. Mark figured there was nothing else to do but tell Roger what he had thought of.

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(Author's Note: I do not know how leukemia actually affects the body when it's the person's time to go. I wrote that to go with the plot of the story and lead into other things that will be happening later on. Someone is probably going to yell at me for not looking up the real symptoms and such for leukemia, but remember that this is my story, it's a fanfiction, and I can make up whatever crap I want so that it flows with my story. Thanks for putting up with my story, and it will get better.) 


	3. The Phone Call

(Author's Note: This chapter is kind of short, but it came out longer than I thought it would. Thank you all for reviewing and telling me that you actually like my work. I am so happy about that. I have a few other RENT stories, but I'm not going to post those until this one is near the end because I get side tracked easily. Once again thanks for reading and reviewing… and now on to the next chapter.)

**Chapter Three: The Phone Call**

When Mark woke the next morning he was in his own bed. He knew he was tired yesterday, but he didn't realize he has slept all yesterday and last night as well. He figured Roger had brought him to his room sometime last night. Mark looked at his watch, after he put his glasses on, and realized it was 9:12 in the morning. He figured Roger was still asleep since he usually didn't wake up until 10:30 on most days.

Mark crawled out of bed and put on a clean pair of pants and a t-shirt before walking out of his room. He was going to go make some tea and then go through some of his footage from a few days ago. He would talk to Roger when he got up. Mark walked out of his room and was shocked to see Roger already in the kitchen. His back was to Mark's room when Mark walked out. Mark made his way to the kitchen and sat on the stool that was on the other side of the counter top across from where Roger was standing. Roger turned around and handed Mark a cup of tea.

"I didn't think you heard me." Mark said as he took the cup from Roger. Roger just smiled.

"I heard the door open." Roger said before grabbing his own cup of tea. "So, did you think of anything last night?" he asked as he sat on the other side of the counter from Mark. Mark put his cup down after taking a drink and looked at Roger.

Mark knew Roger would never be able to do the one thing that he really wanted, so last night he had thought of something else. He also thought that Roger wouldn't want to go with him, but this was one thing that he knew he had to do… and soon.

"I was thinking about it last night and there is one thing that I want to do and that I need to do. You don't have to come, but I'd like you to." Mark said. He just looked at his coffee cup and watched the steam rise from his tea. He knew Roger had to be looking at him weird, but he was okay with that.

"What makes you think I won't want to come?" Roger asked. He looked at Mark over the edge of his cup as he took a drink. He placed the cup down in front of him and waited for Mark to answer. Mark avoided eye contact and he knew Mark was trying to find a way to say it.

"You hate associating with people, mainly parents." Mark said as he still looked into his cup. The steam was making weird designs as it rose from the tea inside. He really wished the tea would be more interesting so he wouldn't have to look at Roger, but sadly it wasn't.

"You want to go home, don't you?" Roger asked. Mark just nodded in agreement to Roger's question. Roger sighed because Mark was right about how he didn't like parents, mainly because of his own. Mark heard the sigh from Roger and quickly looked up to speak.

"You don't have to come. I know you probably don't want to. I understand if you would rather stay here. I don't want to make you do something you don't want to." Mark said quickly. Roger smiled at how Mark reacted to one little sigh.

"Mark, I asked you what you wanted. I agreed to do whatever it took to make your last months or so happy. If you want to go home, then I will go with you." Roger said. Mark smiled at Roger.

"Thanks Rog. When are you able to go? The sooner I get this over with the better. I mean I love my family, but I never wanted to go home again."

"Whenever you are able to go, I can go. Why don't you want to go home? You never told me that story." Roger said. Mark sighed and looked Roger in the eye.

"My father. We got in a fight and I left. I'm too afraid of what he'll do if I go home, but my days are numbered and I should try and fix things with him. If not, at least my mother should know that I still love her." Mark said.

"What did you and your father fight about?"

"I'd rather not get into that right now. I'll tell you some time, just not now." Mark said. He got up from his chair and walked over to his room. He quickly disappeared inside leaving Roger to wonder what he was doing. Soon enough Mark returned and looked at Roger. "Does this weekend work?" Mark asked. He had gone to his room to find out when he worked next. Roger nodded his head to tell Mark that this weekend was fine. "Okay, then I guess I should call my mother and let her know."

Roger finished his tea before placing the cup in the sink and then heading to his own room to play guitar so to give Mark time alone to call his mother. Once Roger had disappeared into his own room and closed the room, Mark picked up the phone and dialed the ten numbers at he tried to avoid, but he had to go home and let his family know that he was sick and that his days were limited.

The phone rang on the other end three times before someone quickly picked it up. The person was a little out of breath and Mark figured they had run to the phone. "Cohen Residence." The person on the phone spoke. It was his sister. He loved her dearly since they were related, but she never approved of things that he did, such as filming and how he lived.

"Hi, is Mrs. Cohen available?" he asked. He knew asking for 'mom' would give him away; he would rather talk to his mother then his sister, Cindy, right now.

"One moment please." Cindy said before the sound of the phone being set down was head. Mark could hear Cindy yelling at one of her sons and then trying to find their mother. "Christopher! Stop hitting your brother. Mom! Telephone!" Cindy had yelled. Mark figured what Chris and Jake where about 5 years old now. He hadn't seen them since they were born and sometimes he was glad about that.

"Hello?" said the voice from the other end shaking Mark out of his thoughts.

"Hi mom." Mark said. There was a slight gasp from his mother, but she quickly composed herself.

"Mark? Mark honey is that really you?" his mother asked.

"That was Mark?" he head Cindy say. She must have still been close to the phone.

"Cindy, I'll talk to you later." His mother said to his sister. He was grateful since he didn't want to deal with Cindy.

"Yes mom, it's me." Mark said.

"Oh honey, how have you been? I haven't talked to you in ages, and I haven't seen you in years. How are doing? Are you still living with Roger and Collins?" she asked. It had a while since they last talked and Mark knew why. They never accepted half the things he did and if they found out anything else about his life, things Roger didn't even know, they would disown him.

"I'm fine mom. I'm doing great" that was a lie, but no need to worry his mother yet, "Collins moved out a while ago, it's just Roger and I." he said.

"Is Roger doing okay? I've heard so much about him, but I've never met him." She said.

"Roger's fine, mom."

"That's good. Are you two eat-" she stared, but stopped when Mark cut her off.

"Mom, please stop. We're fine. We take care of each other. There is no need to worry about it." He stopped a moment before saying what he had to. "Mom, there's a reason I am calling." He took a deep breath "I wanted to know if…if…I could… maybe… if you'll allow me…I could come home with weekend." Mark said. He held his breath and waited for an answer. After a moment he hadn't heard anything. "Never mind, I… I don't have to…" He went to say, but what cut off.

"Oh Marky, of course you can come home. You know you are always welcome here. I was just shocked that you would be calling to come home. You can come home whenever you want. I just wish you would come home more often." Mrs. Cohen said.

"You know why I don't come home. If it wasn't for work and things around here then maybe I would be able to, but I can't." This was another lie, but he didn't care too much. "Um… mom, do you care if Roger comes with me?"

"No of course not, honey. I've always wanted to meet him. Bring him and I'll fix up something nice for dinner. You always use to like turkey and noddles when you were younger. Does that sound okay?" Mrs. Cohen asked. She was extremely happy that her 'little boy' was finally coming home.

"That would be great." It would be the first real meal he and Roger had all month. "We'll be coming down Friday night then." Mark said. He was really trying to get off the phone now before his mother started asking more questions or his father asked who she was on the phone with.

"Okay, that sounds like a plan. I'll have dinner ready for when you two arrive."

"Thank, mom. Well, I have to get going. I have to work soon and I don't want to be late. I'll see you Friday then." Mark said. Every moment he was on the phone was another moment that could lead to his father walking in on him talking to his mom.

"I love you Mark. Have a good day at work." She said to her son.

"Love you too, mom." And with that Mark hung up the phone. He let out a sigh as he laid down on the couch. He never realized how much he was truly dreading going home. A single tear fall down his face as he heard Roger enter the room. Roger had heard the phone being put back on the receiver and he figured it was safe to come out. He saw that Mark was on the couch with his eyes closed and he went to sit on the floor next to him.

"You okay?" Roger asked. He didn't know why Mark always avoided his own family, but something told Roger that there was a lot that Mark hadn't shared.

"No. I never wanted to go back home after I left, and here it is that I am going home for the first time in five years and they expect me to have the life that they always wanted me to have." Mark cried. He buried his face in his hands and he cried.

Roger placed a reassuring hand on Mark's shoulder. "It'll be fine. Who cares if they don't like the life that you have. It's your life and if you are happy with it then it doesn't matter what they think. Anyway don't start worrying about your family until Friday. The last you thing you need is to have your health fail on you." Roger said with a smile. "Besides, I'm going with you. If it gets to be too much of a living hell I'll fake sick and we'll come home. It's only for the weekend, just remember that." Roger said.

"You're not use to being on comforting end of a situation, are you?" Mark asked.

"No, I'm pretty much fucking clueless on how to cheer people up." Roger replied. Mark and Roger both laughed at this. Roger _truly_ was completely clueless and that was what made this whole thing extremely funny to Mark.

"You're an ass sometimes, Rog." Mark said as he was still laughing.

"I have my moments." Roger replied with a smirk. Mark just laughed some more. Roger may be completely clueless on how to cheer people up, but he knew how to make Mark feel better. Mark sat up and pulled Roger into a hug.

"Thanks Rog. You really are a true friend. I'm glad you're my best friend." Mark told Roger as they hugged.

"If being an ass cheers you up, then maybe I should be one more often." Roger said.

"Or you should just be yourself and that will work even better." Mark said with a smile on his face. Roger smiled back at him.

"Anything to make you feel better. Now go back to sleep, you look dead tired."

"Yes mom" Mark said jokingly before getting up off the couch and heading toward his room. He really was tired even though he had only been up for an hour, if that. Roger watched as Mark retreated to his room. Mark crawled into bed and was slowly beginning to drift a sleep.

Roger sat on the couch and picked up his guitar. He started playing Musetta's Waltz since it was so familiar to him to play without thinking about it. The sound of the music floated through a loft and to Mark's ears. Roger's playing eventually lulled Mark back to sleep. Mark needed as much rest as he could possibly get since it was going to be a long weekend, and he was going to be dealing with his family, that was thelast thing he wanted to do right now.


	4. The Start of the Weekend

(Author's note: This Chapter was meant to be longer, but I was running out of time to finished it so I figured it would work better, for me at least to be in two parts.

Thanks for all of you who have reviewed to my story and I promise I will try my best to not kill off Mark, but I'm not totally sure where this story will end. Besides, I am really good at writing deaths, I don't know why, but I am.

I love Mark too, he is my favorite character and I don't really want him to die, but that's just where this story might go. I'm sorry for making people cry, that wasn't what I was going for.

By the way, I didn't much of a chance to go through an make sure everything was correct but I was running out of time to post it. Now, before this note gets any longer, here is the next chapter.)

**

* * *

Chapter Four: The Start of the Weekend**

Friday morning came around and neither Roger nor Mark had packed anything. Mark didn't really want to go anymore and Roger was a procrastinator when it came to things. Mark had called his mother the other day to find out how they were going to get to the house. It was confirmed that Cindy was going to pick him and Roger up from the bus station soon after they arrived.

Mark finished packing a few clothes and his camera. Roger had a few pairs of clothes and a notebook to write in if inspiration hit. By this time, Mark was dreading going home. He had left his family years ago and the only reason he was going home was to tell them that he was sick.

Mark and Roger walked to the bus station which was only a few blocks from where they lived. Mark felt like he was going to be sick with each step that he took. Each step meant that he was closer to going home and that wasn't where Mark wanted to be. Roger had to grab Mark's wrist twice to keep Mark from turning around and going back to the loft. "You'll be fine. The sooner we get there, the sooner we leave." Roger had told him.

When they arrived at the station they had to wait a while for the bus, but before long the bus arrived and they boarded with everyone else. Roger made Mark sit by the window so he couldn't just get up and try to leave. Mark sat staring out the window and fidgeting the whole time.

"Mark, calm down." Roger said to him. Mark just kept fidgeting in his seat and he couldn't stop. He was dreading this weekend, but he had to get it over with.

"I just can't. I don't want to see my family. I don't want to go home. Oh God, why did I decide to do this?" Mark asked. Roger put his hands on Mark's shoulder's and made Mark look at him.

"I'm coming with you. I'm right here and I will be this whole weekend. I am here for you and don't forget that." Roger said. Mark just nodded his head and mumbled a small 'thanks' before getting out of Roger's grasp and went back to looking out the window. In the pit of his stomach, Mark knew this was going to be a bad weekend, but he couldn't help it. He hadn't seen his family in five years and he knew that they were going to fight about something, if not everything.

Finally the bus arrived in Scarsdale and Roger had to literally drag Mark off the bus. Once Roger got Mark off the bus, Mark sat on a bench and put his head in his hands. Roger sighed and went to sit next to him. "You okay?" he asked his best friend. Mark just shook his head. Roger ran his hand up and down Mark's back in hopes of reassuring Mark that he was there. "I'm here for you through this whole weekend. Just hunt me down and we'll solve this. We'll get through this together." Roger said. He had to urge to tell Mark that he loved him, but he really didn't want to deal with that right now, besides Mark wasn't gay and Roger knew that.

"Thanks Rog." He was happy to know that Roger was there for him and that he would always be there until the day Mark died.

"Mark!" a voice cried through the crowd. Mark knew the voice and suddenly he felt like throwing up. The voice belonged to his sister Cindy. She had spotted him at the bus stop and was heading toward him. She came up to him and quickly hugged him. "Oh my God, it's been so long. I can't believe that you are here. I'm so happy to see you." She said while hugging Mark. He hugged her back then pulled away.

"Hi Cindy. It's good to see you too. This is Roger Davis, my best friend." Mark said to his sister. She looked at Roger and shook his hand.

"I'm Cindy Douglas, I'm Mark's sister." She said.

"Nice to meet you." Roger said.

"Well come on, mom's cooking and we want to get home in time for dinner." She said as she dragged Mark behind her. Roger chuckled at the face Mark made as he followed Mark and Cindy. This was going to be a long weekend and Roger knew what Mark meant by that now.

Mark and Roger followed Cindy to the car that was parked just to the left of the bus station. Cindy opened the trunk and Roger put his and Mark's bags in the trunk. Mark sat in the front seat next to his sister and Roger sat in the backseat behind Mark. Mark stared out the window as they drove down the all too familiar streets. "I'm so glad you've come home. The boys will be so happy to see you." Cindy said as she turned off the main road and onto a side street.

"It's only for the weekend and the boys don't even know me. I haven't seen them since they were born." Mark said. He was watching the mail boxes go by as Cindy drove to the house. She stopped at the stop sign before turning left.

"The boys do know you. They know all about you, they just haven't seen you. It's not their fault that their uncle is a stranger." Cindy said. This comment of hers hit a nerve and Mark clenched his hand in a ball.

"You know why I never came home. I can't just come home whenever you are home. Hell, I can't even come home as it is. I have a job, Cindy and it was hard enough trying to get this weekend off." Mark said. It was a lie, he didn't have to work this weekend, but he wouldn't give Cindy the satisfaction that she had won the argument of his nephews not knowing him.

"You don't have to work all the time." Cindy said. She turned right on another street. Roger was sitting in the backseat watching as Cindy and Mark fought over him never coming home. Roger didn't even know the reason behind why Mark hated going home but he figured it had something to do with Mark's father.

"Cindy, your brother does more than just work. There just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything that he does. I don't even know how he pulls it off. You have no idea what he does every single day of his life." Roger said. He didn't want Mark to get overly upset and figured it would be better if he tried to end this conversation.

"I'd love to know what my brother does and why he never has time to come home." Cindy said to Roger. Her voice had a hint of evilness to it and she looked at Roger through the rear view mirror.

"I'm sure he'll tell you all why he hasn't come home lately, but it's his place to tell and not mine." Roger said. Roger looked up at Mark and saw that he was trying to ignore his sister and Roger, but it wasn't happening very well.

The conversation ended with that. The rest of the drive to Mark's parents' house was quiet. Mark looked out the window the rest of ride and watched as the all too familiar sights were now in view. Roger watched Mark and tried to think of something he could do to make this weekend go by smoothly, but he couldn't think of anything at that point in time. Before long Cindy pulled into the driveway and parked the car. She popped the trunk and then got out of the car and headed into the garage. Roger got out of the car, but Mark hadn't moved. Roger closed his door and opened the passenger door. "You okay?" he asked as he looked at Mark.

"I never wanted to come back here. I wanted to stay away since the day I left, but I had to come home. I have to tell them that I'm sick. I would do it over the phone, but that would only led to my mother coming to our loft and I couldn't deal with her knowing how we live." Mark said.

"Mark, are you embarrassed by how you live?" Roger asked. Mark looked up at Roger. Roger's green eyes staring into his own blue ones. He loved Roger more than anything, but he knew Roger wasn't gay and that is why he never said anything, and he wouldn't. He didn't want anything to change their friendship.

"It's not what my mother would have wanted. You don't know the reason as to why I left home and never came back. I'll tell you that story sometime." Mark said.

"Tell me when you're ready, but for now, lets get going before your family comes out here and tries to rape you while you are still in the car." Roger said as he extended his hand to help Mark out. Mark just laughed at Roger and accepted his hand. They grabbed their bags out of the trunk and headed up the stairs to the front porch. This house was huge and Roger couldn't believe that Mark had grown up in this house. Mark slowly opened the front door and walked in. Roger followed and closed the door behind them.

"Mark!" his mother had yelled before running up and grabbing him in a hug. "My little boy has finally come home. It's so glad you're here." She said. Mark slowly wrapped his arms around him mother and hugged her back quickly before pulling out of her grasp.

"Hi mom." Was all he said to her. Roger knew Mark was uncomfortable already and he had only been in the house for a minute, if that.

"Mark, you're so thin, have you been eating? Are you hungry?" Mrs. Cohen asked as she looked her son over.

"No, I'm fine. Mom, this is Roger Davis." Mark said pointing over to Roger.

"Hello. I'm Martha Cohen. It's so good to finally get to meet my son's room mate." She said as he shook Roger's hand.

"It's nice to meet you too. Thank you for allowing me to stay here." Roger said. He was trying to stay on Mark's family's good side, and so far he thinks he failed with Cindy, but that was okay with him. She didn't seem much like a friendly person as it was.

"It's not a problem. Now, why don't you two go put your things in your rooms and then we will eat." Mrs. Cohen said. "Roger, you can have the guest room across from Mark's room." She added before heading back into the kitchen.

Mark picked up his bag, which he had dropped when his mother had hugged him. He grabbed Roger's hand and pulled him through the house. They walked over to stairs, which where just off to the right when you enter the front door. Mark led the way through the house. Once they reached the landing Mark stopped and turned to Roger. "I might as well show you the house. I don't think anything has changed since I left." He said. He walked over to one room that had the door open. "This must be the boys room" the room had toys all over the floor and the bunk beds weren't made. Next to the boys room was one of the bathrooms. There was a guest bedroom next to the bathroom. Mark led Roger down a hallway. They passed Cindy's room and then another bathroom before coming to the two doors at the end of the hallway.

"Your room?" Roger asked as he pointed toward the closed door.

"Yeah." he ignored his room and turned toward the room across from his. "This is the room that mom has set up for you." Mark said as he walked into the third guest room that was upstairs. Roger followed him into the room and set his bag down on the floor. There was a queen size bed in the middle of the room; there was also a dresser, desk, chair and closet.

"I think this room is bigger than both of ours put together." Roger said with a slight chuckle. Mark gave a weak smile.

"Thanks for coming with me. So far you can tell that my sister can be a bitch and puts all blame on me while my mom acts like nothing happened." Mark said while he avoided Roger's eyes at all cost.

"I asked what you wanted and you wanted to come home. I'll do anything to make these few months live able." Roger replied to Mark.

"Thanks, but all I want is for you to say nothing. I plan on telling them tomorrow. I just don't know how." Mark said.

"I'll be quiet about it." Roger said as he placed an arm around Mark's shoulder and gave him a one armed hug.

"Thanks. Well come on, let's go to dinner." Mark said. He placed his bag outside his bedroom door and walked down the hallway. Roger didn't follow him and Mark stopped to find where Roger had gone when he wasn't behind him. "Rog?"

"Aren't you going to put things in your room?" Mark just sighed and shook his head.

"I don't want to go in there. I'll explain later." Mark said. Roger nodded and followed Mark down stairs and into the kitchen. Mrs. Cohen was finishing dinner and Cindy was setting the table with the boys helping her. Mark looked around and noticed his father wasn't there, but then he saw him in the living room, which was connected to the kitchen. Mark stiffened when he saw his father and Roger noticed the change in Mark's form. He placed a hand on Mark's shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. Mark relaxed a little before moving farther into the kitchen.

"Do you need any help mom?" he asked. Mrs. Cohen looked up from the stove and smiled at her son. Mark would always help his mother in the kitchen and she really did miss having her son around.

"No, I'm fine dear. Tell you what, we'll make breakfast in the morning, just like old times." She said to Mark.

"'Kay mom, just like old times." Mark told her. Mrs. Cohen's face lit up as Mark said this. Mark loved his mother and he dealt with his sister, but it had been his father that kept him away more than anything. There were bad memories between him and his father and he didn't want to remember them.

Roger walked over to the table where Cindy was since Mark was talking to his mother. "Would you like some help?" Roger asked. Cindy looked up from what she was doing and smiled. Cindy could be nice to other people, but she had an evil side reserved just for her brother.

"Sure, if you would like. Boys, go over into the living room and I'll call you for dinner." She said. The boys nodded their heads before running into the living and crawling onto the couch with Mark's father.

"Why are there eight places? Aren't there only seven of us?" Roger asked.

"My husband is coming here this weekend. We decided to come here for the weekend since Mark was also coming, and mom wanted the whole family here." Cindy said. Roger just nodded. "So, how long have you known my brother?" Cindy asked. She was putting out glasses in front of all the plates.

"Seven years now. We've been room mates since we both moved to New York and we've been best friends since then." Roger said. He was putting down silverware at each of the places.

"I know that my brother enjoys having you around. I've heard mom talk about you and Mark before and if my brother is still the same as he one when we were younger, then he finds one good friends and sticks to them until something happens." Cindy said but then instantly shut up knowing she had said to much.

"What do you mean?" Roger asked as he looked up from what he was doing. Cindy stopped and looked up at Roger.

"He use to have a best friend when he lived here. His name was Ryan. One day Ryan's family moved and a few weeks later Mark was called and told that Ryan had died in a car crash. They had talked every day on the phone when Ryan had moved. Once Ryan died, Mark kind of kept to himself and stopped trying to be friends with people. He was too afraid that someone else would end up dying on him. That's why we were happy when Mark told mom that you were his best friend. You just can't go and die on him." Cindy said with a slight smile. She returned to what she was doing.

It all made sense to Roger now. Why Mark was so sorry for having to leave him, why he got over upset when Roger had talked about his death like it was nothing. Mark was scared and now Roger knew why. He made a mental note to talk to Mark about it later.

Roger and Cindy finished setting the table as Mrs. Cohen and Mark brought food to the table. Cindy went and greeted her husband as he came into the house. The two boys tried to climb up his leg and he bent down to hug them both. Cindy then took them into the kitchen and placed them into their chairs and told them to be good and wait.

Mark came over and stood next to Roger. "Mom always wanted me to get married and have a family like Cindy did. Mom, just doesn't realize that that won't happen. I'll never come home with a wife and kids like my sister." Mark said. Roger turned to look at Mark.

"If you're happy being single then your mom should be happy for you." Roger said. Mark gave a weak smile.

"You don't know my mother."

"So tell me sometime." Mark just smiled and went over by his sister. Roger watched as Mark walked away and couldn't help but feel his heart break. Mark was dying and soon Roger wouldn't be able to talk to Mark anymore. He pushed the thought from his head and just waited against the wall for Mark and family.

Cindy pulled Mark over to her and her husband. "Josh, this is my brother Mark. Mark, this is my husband Josh." She said.

"We've meet before, Cindy." Mark said as he shook Josh's hand.

"It's good to see you again Mark. I hope your life is going well." Josh said to Mark as he broke their hand shake.

"Life is as good as it's going to get. Josh I want you to meet Roger. He's my room mate and came with me this weekend." Mark said as he waved over toward Roger. Roger walked over and shook Josh's hand.

"Nice to meet you Roger. I'm Josh Douglas, Cindy's husband." Josh said.

"Roger Davis, Mark's room mate." Roger said.

"Time for dinner!" Mrs. Cohen called from the kitchen. Everyone moved into the kitchen and around the table. Mr. and Mrs. Cohen sat on the ends on the table, Cindy sat between her sons Chris and Jake on one side of the table and Roger, Mark and Josh sat on the other side with Mark in the middle and Josh next to Mr. Cohen.

There were small conversations going on around the time. Josh and Mr. Cohen were talking about their jobs and how people were not able to understand simple commands. Mrs. Cohen was talking to Roger and trying to find out more about how Roger and Mark meet and what Roger did for a living. Cindy was fighting with Chris and Jake to eat their food and not play with it. Mark just sat there and picked at his food. He wasn't hungry but in his family you had to sit at the table until their father was finished and left the table.

"Mark, honey, is something wrong?" Mrs. Cohen asked. Mark looked up from his food and shook his head. Mr. Cohen glared at his son for a moment before turning his head and went back to eating. "Kevin, are you going to say anything to your son, or are you going to be quiet the whole time he's here?" Mrs. Cohen said to her husband.

"He was the one who left, Martha. Now suddenly he comes back and you want me to welcome him back with open arms like you did? I'm not going to. He was the one who walked out of here and as far as I am concerned, I don't have a son." Mr. Cohen said to his wife as if Mark wasn't there.

"Kevin! He's your son!" Mark's mother yelled at his father.

"I have a daughter, a son-in-law, and two grandchildren, but I _don't_ have a son!" Mr. Cohen yelled back.

"Dad!" Cindy said in shock at her father's reaction. Mark couldn't take this anymore he set his fork down and left the table. He had just broken a major rule in his house, he left the table before his father, but he didn't live there anymore and he didn't care. He was to the door when his father screamed at him.

"Mark Anthony Cohen I want you out of my house, _now!_" Mr. Cohen yelled after Mark. Mark turned around looked at his father with more hatred then Roger knew Mark could have, but Roger didn't know what happened between these two.

"Mark, you're father doesn't mean it." Mrs. Cohen said to her son.

"Bullshit, I don't. I want you out, now!" He yelled at Mark.

"You don't have to worry about that, father! I didn't want to come back as it was! I came back to tell you that I'm dying but you don't care as it is, you never cared, so why the hell I even bothered coming back is beyond me. Maybe because I actually did care about what you thought of me! Maybe because I wanted to make up for just leaving that day! Maybe because I do love my family! And maybe because I wanted my family at my funeral in six months!" Mark yelled before he ran out of the room and upstairs. They heard a door slam shut. Once the echo from the door ended all eyes were on Roger.

"Roger, what's going on?" Mrs. Cohen asked her son's friend. Tears were forming in her eyes as he brain registered what Mark had just yelled

"What does he mean?" Cindy asked she too had tears forming.

Roger sighed before looking between Mark's mother and sister. "It's not really my place to tell. He didn't want me to say anything, he wanted to tell you."

"Roger, please." Mrs. Cohen said. Roger looked at Mrs. Cohen before saying what he knew Mark would kill him for later.

"Mark's dying. He's extremely sick and he'll be lucky to still be alive in six months. I don't know what he has, but it's worse than the death sentence that I hold." Roger said.

"What do you have Roger?" Cindy asked.

"I'm HIV positive. Mark, on the other hand, has a serious illness that is in its last stage. Within six months Mark won't be here anymore. He wanted to come home to tell you that. He's going to hate me as it is for telling you." Roger said.

"Is there anything we can do for him?" Josh asked.

"Why should we care what happens to him? Just let him go." Mr. Cohen said.

"Kevin that's enough! You were the reason he left in the first place and now you want your only son to die. Just because he doesn't have a family like Cindy, doesn't mean he's not still part of your family. I can't believe that you want your son to just die." Mrs. Cohen yelled at her husband. Mr. Cohen simply got up from the table and walked a few steps before turning back around.

"You can care about him if you want, but I sure as hell am not going to care and I'm not going his funeral either." He said before storming out of the kitchen and out the front door. Mrs. Cohen broke down into tears and began to sob quietly. Cindy got up and walked over to her mother where she wrapped her arms around her. They both cried over everything that had happened.

"Roger, can we do anything for him? Treatment or something?" Josh asked again.

"No, there is nothing that can be done now. Mark's losing the battle and I can see it every day. He's probably sleeping now as it is. He doesn't have much energy but he still spends all the time he can working. I haven't seen him yell at anyone since he tried to get me off drugs." He saw everyone's face when he said that. "I was doing heroin because my girlfriend got me hooked on it. I wasn't in the best of crowds when Mark I first meet, but he stayed by my side through my having AIDS, doing drugs, going through withdrawal, when my one girlfriend committed suicide, and when my other girlfriend died of AIDS. Mark's gone through more hell then any of you know, and that's why he doesn't want to come home. He's afraid you won't accept him for who he is." Roger said.

"Roger, you said Mark does more than just work. What else does he do?" Cindy asked. Roger ran and hand through his hair and looked at Cindy. She had sat back down in her chair and was looking at him.

"Mark works two 24 hours shifts a week, and all the other days are 12 hours shifts. He has two weekends off a month and he refuses help. I have a job to help pay for every thing that we need, but he refuses to rest. He's always telling me to watch my health, when his is deteriorating. I've had to lock him in his room and call in sick for him so he would rest. Within minutes after calling off work for him he was asleep and slept all day." He paused a moment before going on. "He's been taking care of Collins, who also has AIDS, since he's been sick lately and he doesn't want me to get sick. He does everything for everyone else, but he doesn't take care of himself. The first few years we lived together he didn't eat to make sure that Collins and I had food and was taken care of. He gave up everything to make sure that we had our AZT. Mark's life as been hell and I think that coming here only made his health worse." Roger said. Everyone was quiet. No one knew what Mark went through just to stay alive.

"Would Mark accept treatment?" Josh asked.

"No, not even if he still had time. We don't have the money for it and he refused to allow me to give up some money for my AZT to help him. He says he's happy and ready to go. He lived his life to take care of people, mainly me, and he's ready to go as long as he knows that I'll be fine once he's gone."

"Mark's really ready to go then?" Mrs. Cohen asked. Roger just nodded. Mrs. Cohen inhaled sharply and allowed the tears to roll down her face. She never thought she would live to see her children go, but more than likely Mark was.

"Roger? Roger where are you?" Mark voice called from upstairs. He sounded panicked and terrified. Roger looked at everyone who was still at the table and hung his head some.

"He has a tendency to forget where he is sometimes. I'm going to go see what he needs. I'll be back." Roger said before getting up and running upstairs. When Roger arrived at the top of stairs he found Mark sitting in a corner with his knees up to his chest. "Mark are you okay? Do you need anything?" Roger asked as he knelt in front of Mark.

"No, but I heard everything." A tear slid down his face. "My dad wanting me to die, my mom yelling at him and Josh trying to give me help, Cindy asking what I did, and you tell them all." Mark said as another tear slid down his face. Roger reached forward and pulled Mark into a hug.

"Mark I didn't want to tell them. I wanted to respect you and let you do that. I didn't mean to." Roger said quickly. He didn't want to upset Mark more and he really didn't want Mark to be mad at him.

"It's okay. Roger, you're my best friend and I have something to tell you. You know I'm sick, you know I'm dying, but you don't know from what." Mark said. Roger just held Mark close to his body in hopes of getting Mark to stop crying. He stroked Mark's hair as he held him.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Roger said. Mark pulled away from Roger and looked him in the eye. Roger's soft green orbs looking back into Mark's scared blue ones. Mark shook his head before he spoke.

"You need to know." Mark took a deep breath before stating his death sentence to Roger. "Leukemia" Mark said with tears in his eyes. Mark looked away from Roger as he said it. He was ashamed that he was cursed with such an illness. He wanted to run but he was too weak to even try to stand up. He just collapsed on the floor and curled into a ball. Roger's eyes widened as he heard that name. Mark really was sick and by looking at him he knew Mark was ready to give up.

"Mark, you really have accepted this fate, haven't you?" Roger asked. Tears were falling down his face as Mark just nodded his head from his place on the floor.

"There's too much pain, Rog. I just want it to end. I've been trying to hide it from you, but I can't. I just want to go and join Angel and let my body be free of this pain. Roger, please, just let me go." Mark said as he cried. Roger sat down next to Mark and pulled Mark so he was leaning against Roger's body.

"Shh, don't say that. It's not your time to go. I am here for you and I am going to take care of you." Roger said. He held Mark close to him and rocked him back and forth. Roger whispered calming words to Mark trying to get him to calm down. Mark was sobbing into Roger's shoulder and for once he knew how Mark felt when Roger would cry for him.

Roger then bent down and picked Mark up. He carried Mark into his old room laid him on the bed. Roger pulled the covers over Mark and then sat on the edge of the bed. "Just go to sleep. You're tired and worn out. I'll come back later with some pain killers. You should feel better in the morning." Roger said as Mark began to fall asleep. "And Mark, you can leave yet. I still need you."

"Thanks Rog."

"You're welcome." Roger ran his hand through Mark's hair before getting up and closing the door. Mark was already asleep when Roger left the room. He slowly made his way back into the kitchen. The table was cleaned off, the food was put away, Chris and Jake were in the living room playing and everyone else was sitting around the table. Josh was holding onto Cindy and Mrs. Cohen was still crying.

"Is he okay?" Cindy asked as she looked up from the table, which she had been staring at for a while now.

"He's tired and in pain. I told him I'd be back later with pain killers to help him sleep better. He heard everything though. I'm guessing he faked the door slam so he could still here us. He also told me what he has." Roger said as he took a seat back at the table.

"You didn't know?" Mrs. Cohen asked. "I thought you were just trying to avoide saying it"

Roger shook his head at her. "No I wasn't. I really didn't know." Roger said looking at Mrs. Cohen.

"What does he have?" Josh asked as he wrapped his arms around Cindy.

"Leukemia."

Tears fell from Mrs. Cohen eyes, Cindy grabbed onto her husband for support and Josh just looked at Roger. Mark had a death sentence that really _was_ worse than Roger's. Everyone was quiet after Roger had spoken that one word and with that the conversation ended for the night. Roger had then asked Mrs. Cohen for some pain killers which she willing gave to him. He filled a glass with water before heading upstairs to Mark's room.

Roger knocked on the door before opening it. Mark was sitting up in bed with his camera in his hands. Roger smiled as he made he way across the room and sat on the edge of the bed. He handed Mark the pills and the glass of water. Mark placed his camera on the bed next to him and took both things from Roger. He swallowed them quickly and then put the cup down.

"Did you take your AZT?" Mark asked as he picked the camera back up.

"Yes, but would stop worrying about me and worry more about yourself. When we get home you are taking the week off to just rest and sleep. I'll lock you in your room if I have to." Roger said with a smile. Mark smiled back at him.

"I'm just use to taking care of you. I never really had to worry about myself." Mark said. He put the camera down next to the cup and the crawled back into bed. Roger removed his glasses and placed them next to the camera. "Rog, will you stay with me tonight?" Mark said.

"Sure." Roger grabbed the blankets and pillows from the guestroom and made a spot for himself on the floor. Before long both of them were sound asleep. Although, Roger would wake up frequently to make sure that Mark was okay. This really was going to a _long_ weekend.

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(Author's note: I hope you liked it. I am sorry to say that this is going to be my last update for a week. My family and I are leaving early tomorrow morning for a cruise and sadly I can't get onto a computer to update. tear but as soon as I get home I will finish the second part of the weekend and post it just for the people who sit here and read my work.

Sorry again for not being able to update, but I'll make it up to you the week I get home. Thanks for reading!)


	5. The End of the Weekend

(Author's Note: I know it has been longer than a week, but I haven't been able to get to a computer. There wasn't any on my trip so I had to write more in a notebook trying to remember where I stopped writing this chapter before my cruise. Then I ended up on bed rest since I couldn't walk and my laptop was in the process of being fixed. Never go swimming in the Caribbean without water shoes because, like me, you'll probably end up with inch long spikes in your foot.

Anyway… thanks for putting up with me being gone. I did my best to make this chapter pretty good since I was exited to see that I had a few reviews while I was gone. Thanks to everyone who has been reading this and before I keep going on anymore… here is the next chapter)

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Chapter Five: The End of the Weekend **

Roger woke before Mark the next morning. Mark was still asleep and Roger was glad that Mark was actually peaceful as he slept. Roger dressed quickly before heading downstairs to the kitchen. Mrs. Cohen was in the kitchen make breakfast while Josh was sitting at the table reading the newspaper.

"Morning Roger" Mrs. Cohen said. She was at the stove making something that seemed a lot like pancakes, but when she turned around she had noticed him.

"Morning." Roger replied. She went back to making breakfast and Roger took a seat at the table. He looked over at the newspaper that Josh was reading and tried to read the headline off the front page, but Josh kept moving it around so it was useless to continue trying.

"How is he this morning?" Josh asked. Roger looked up at him since he had gone to staring at the table. Josh folded the paper back up and put it down on the table. Josh and Roger made eyes contact for a moment before Roger turned away.

"He's sleeping, but he doesn't usually talk first thing in the morning anyway." Roger said. "So I wouldn't even know how he was even if he was awake." Josh just nodded his head since he had nothing to stay.

Mrs. Cohen heard the two men talking and she walked away from the stove and over by the table. She stood across from where Roger was sitting and looked at him. Roger noticed her presences and looked up at her. "We really don't know anything about Mark anymore, do we?" she asked. Roger could tell she was trying to hold tears back. Roger felt back for her and didn't want to answer her question, but he knew if he didn't answer it would only hurt her more. Roger just shook his head as he turned away from her. The Cohens had no idea what Mark had gone through and Roger was pretty sure that Mark wanted it that way.

Mrs. Cohen sighed, "I guess we'll never know, will we?" she asked again. Roger looked up at her and shook his head again.

"Unless he tells you everything, then no you won't." Roger simply replied. Mrs. Cohen turned away from the table and head back into the kitchen to finish breakfast.

While their conversation was going on Mark had come downstairs and into the kitchen. He looked around and saw Josh and Roger at the table and his mother making her away back into the kitchen and over to the stove. Mark slowly made his way to the table and sat down next to Roger. Roger felt someone sit down next to him and saw it was Mark. Mark looked tired and extremely pale and Roger knew that Mark didn't feel well. Roger's suspicion was confirmed when Mark leaned over and rested his head on Roger's shoulder. Roger wrapped an arm around Mark and rubbed up and down Mark's arm. "You okay?" Roger asked in almost a whisper. Mark never clung to Roger unless he didn't feel good so it was apparent that Mark wasn't feeling well.

Mark shook his head to answer Roger's question. Mark then closed his eyes and sighed as he leaned against Roger for comfort and security.

"Do you want anything, Mark?" Mrs. Cohen asked her son. Mark shook his head again as he kept his eyes closed and tried to snuggle closer to Roger. Mrs. Cohen gave Roger a worried looked for she had no idea as to why her son was acting as such. Roger just looked at her and mouthed 'I'll explain later' to her. She nodded her head and went back to the stove.

As soon as Mrs. Cohen walked back to the stove, Cindy walked into the kitchen and looked at the scene in front of her. Her husband was just sitting at the table with a concerned look on his face. Her mother was at the stove finishing what looked like pancakes. Her brother was sitting at the table and was leaning against Roger. Roger was holding onto Mark and attempting to comfort him and her father was no where to be found.

Cindy walked over to the table and wrapped her arms around her brother's neck, which was slightly difficult seeing as he was leaning against Roger. She lightly kissed the top of her brother's head. "Morning Marky." She said. He made a small grunting noise and kept his eyes closed. He wanted Cindy off him so he moved closer to Roger and she eventually got the hint and left. Cindy went over to her husband and kissed him on the cheek before going over to help her mother.

"Do you want to go back to bed?" Roger asked Mark as he rubbed Mark's arm and held him close. Mark nodded his head, but he didn't move. He was too tired to get up and go back upstairs. Roger pushed Mark away from him and stood up. He helped Mark up from the table and slowly they headed out of the kitchen. Roger helped Mark back upstairs and back into his bed. Mark lay back down and closed his eyes. "I'll be back up later. You sure you don't need anything?" Mark just shook his head and within moments he was asleep. Roger walked out of Mark's room and closed the door.

He made his way back downstairs and into the kitchen. The table had been set and breakfast had been placed in the center of the table. Cindy, Josh, and Mrs. Cohen sat at the table waiting. "Where is Mr. Cohen and the boys?" He asked as he sat down in the same seat where he had eaten dinner.

"Kevin went to his brother's house last night, so who knows when he will be home, and Chris and Jake are still asleep." Mrs. Cohen told him.

After Mrs. Cohen had spoken there was silence and all six eyes were on him. Roger sighed before saying the question he didn't want to answer. "You want to know what just happened with Mark, don't you?" The three people at that table nodded.

"Roger, I want to know what my son is going through. I want to know my son again." Mrs. Cohen said. Roger hated how parents used the 'I wanna know my child' routine just to get information. He also hated how he had to betray Mark's trust just so he would left alone. This was really Mark's place to talk, but Mark wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone, even Roger.

"Alright, I'll tell you the story." He said before beginning. "Mark and I have been room mates for seven years. He rarely got sick, but when he did he acted like a little kid. He wanted to close to someone and since Collins and Benny were always working, I became the one he would come to. Mark would cling to me and rest on me, like he just did, when he didn't feel good. Mark's been getting sicker lately and he's been doing that more often. It's become a thing that both of us are use to. Mark took care of me for ages, and now I take care of him. It's just the way our friendship goes." Roger said. After that everyone at the table left him alone about Mark.

They eat in silence and when breakfast was over Mrs. Cohen made Mark a plate of food and took it up to him. Cindy wanted to hear more stories about Mark and Josh wanted to get to know Roger more so they drug him out of the kitchen into the family room. Roger wasn't happy about this, he would much rather have gone to go check on Mark, but Mrs. Cohen went to do that.

Mrs. Cohen took the plate up stairs to her son's room. She softly knocked on the door before opening it some. "Mark, honey, it's mom. I brought you breakfast." She said as she opened the door and walked in. Mark was sitting up in bed playing with his camera and trying to ignore his mother. Mrs. Cohen placed the plate down on the table next to Mark's bed and then sat down on the edge of his bed.. "How are you feeling?" she asked as looked at her son's pale complexion.

"What do you want mom?" Mark asked as he refused to look at her. He kept playing with his camera in hopes that she would get the hint and leave, but she didn't.

"I want to know my son again. I want to be part of his life again. Is there something wrong with that, Mark?" Mrs. Cohen said to her son as she tried to hold back her tears that were threatening to fall.

"I don't really want to talk" Mark said coolly. He was really trying to get rid of her.

"I wish you would." She quietly replied.

"Mom, I don't have anything to say." Mark said. He still wasn't looking at her. Martha Cohen sighed before making Mark look at her. In the few hours that Mark had been home, she had noticed something and she wanted the truth from her son.

"You love him, don't you?" she said. Mark's eyes shot open and he stared at his mother.

"W-w-what?" Mark stammered. He couldn't believe his mother had just asked him that. Wasn't that the whole reason behind why he had left in the first place? So, now why was she basically asking him if he was gay?

"You heard me." She said with a stern face. "I want to know the truth."

"No." Mark simply replied. He tried to turn away, but she refused to let him.

"No as in you won't answer my question, or no you don't love him?" Mrs. Cohen asked. She wanted the answer and she wasn't going to leave until she receive one.

"I don't love him, and I don't like him as any more than just a friend." Mark said, but he knew deep down he was lying. He loved Roger will all he had, but he couldn't risk losing him or hurt him by saying anything.

"Mark, even though you haven't lived in this house for years, I am still your mother and I can see right through you. You love him and I can tell."

"Mom, I don't love Roger." Mark wanted to scream but instead had quietly said it.

"Mark Anthony Cohen, I am not your father. I may not like the fact that you love another man, but if you are happy then I'm happy for you. You are running out of time dear, and if he is what makes you happy, then tell him. You don't have much time left, don't waste it." Mrs. Cohen said. She looked at her son's shocked look before sighing. "Go to sleep" she stood up and walked to the door.

"Mom?" Mark asked. She stopped right before she opened the door and looked at her only son.

"Yes?" she asked with the most caring voice she could come up with.

"Would you disown me like dad did?" Mark asked. He was scared of what the answer would be. Mrs. Cohen smiled and walked back over to Mark. She bent down and kissed his forehead.

"No. If it makes you happy then I could never be upset with you. Besides, I like Roger. I think he'd be good for you. Just think about what I said." She said as she looked him in the eyes.

"Thanks mom." Mark said. He then laid back down and closed his eyes. Mrs. Cohen smiled before she left the room and closed the door.

Mrs. Cohen walked back downstairs and went to go find Roger for she wanted to talk to him. She walked into the living room to find her husband and the boys sitting there watching a movie. Kevin must have come home while she was upstairs and the boys must had woken up recently seeing as they were still in their pajamas. She left the living room entry and went to the family room where she found Cindy, Josh, and Roger talking. Well at least Cindy and Josh were talking because it looked like Roger wanted to get out of there quickly.

Martha Cohen had had little happiness in her life since Mark left. He was her favorite child. Yes she loved Cindy and her choices, but they were never as close as Mark and she had been. When Mark had left her world came crashing down. Her son, her baby, her Mark had left and she didn't know where he had gone. But as she stood there watching her daughter, son-in-law, and her son's roommate talking, she realized why Mark never came home. Roger was his reason for staying away from home and she respected that. Now her son was running out of time and she wanted him happy, so it was now or never to make that happen.

She walked into the room and cleared her throat. Cindy, Josh and Roger all looked up at her. She smiled back at them before speaking. "Sorry to interrupt your conversation, but I would like to speak to Roger in private." She said and headed out of the room. Roger quickly stood up and followed Mrs. Cohen outside and into the garden.

"Mrs. Cohen?" Roger asked with a confused expression on his face.

"Roger, you see this garden?" Roger nodded his head. "Mark and I built this garden when he was five. Mark and I use to do everything together, we told each other everything. The two of us shared an extremely strong bond." She turned to look at Roger. "I love my son more than anything in the world, and the fact that he would never call or come home hurt me."

"I would have sent him home had I known." Roger said. He some how felt that some of this was his fault. He was the one who got sick, whose girlfriend committed suicide, who went through withdrawal, and through it all, Mark stayed.

"I understand now why he never came home. The fear of his father was part of it, but you were the other reason."

"I never meant—" Roger began but she held up a hand to cut him off.

"You did nothing wrong. Roger you did everything right. You saved him from being alone, you gave him a friendship he was scared of, you helped him, and most importantly you care about him." She stopped and sat down on a bench that was in the garden. She motioned for Roger to join her and he did. "I have a question for you Roger, and I want you to answer it truthfully." She said. Roger nodded his head in agreement. Mrs. Cohen took and deep breath before turning to face him. "Roger, do you love my son?"

Roger looked at her. He was shocked by this question that she had just asked and he wasn't totally sure how to answer it. "Mark is like my brother and he's my best friend, of course I love him." Roger said. Mrs. Cohen smiled, but shook her head all the same.

"That's not what I meant Roger. Do you love him as more than a friend?" she asked. Roger refused to look at her. "Roger, I am not my husband. I'm guessing you already know the story as to why Mark left. I don't judge him like that, we were to close for me to care about anything other than his happiness. I just—"

"Mrs. Cohen, I don't know why Mark left. He keeps saying he'll tell me but whenever it's brought up he ignores the topic, so I have no idea what happened between him and his father, but after last night I know you aren't like his father."

"Then tell me Roger, do you love Mark?" she asked as tears began to form in her eyes. She wasn't sure why she wanted to cry, but she did. Roger looked at her and slowly nodded his head.

"Yes I do. I love him with all I have. He's been there for me through everything. He was there through my rocker days, through April, through my withdrawal, through my depression, through Mimi, and through Mimi's death. He's done more for me than anyone could imagine and why it took me until my recent girlfriend passed away to realize I love him, is beyond me." Roger told her. Mrs. Cohen smiled before looking at Roger.

"If you love him that much, then tell him. He's running out of time and his days are numbered. Make his last few months happy and even if he does reject you at least he will know and you won't be living with the regret of not telling him." Mrs. Cohen said. Roger had turned away and was looking at the blooming garden that was before him. "Just think about it." She said. She stood to leave but Roger stopped her.

"Um... Mrs. Cohen?" he asked while he was still looking at the flowers and plants in the garden.

"Yes dear?" she replied as she looked at the man still sitting on the bench.

"I think it would be better if I took Mark home. After what happened yesterday and how he is today, I don't need him getting sick and dying, at least not yet." Roger said. He finally looked up at her with tears in his eyes. Mrs. Cohen walked toward him and placed a hand on his shoulder. She gave him a weak smile before replying to him.

"I think you're right. Cindy and I will take you to the bus stop in a few hours. But I agree that Mark needs to go home with you, so go and wake him up and get your things together. We'll leave after lunch." Mrs. Cohen said before walking back into the house. She more than likely went to go and tell Cindy what was going on and then fix lunch. Roger had never met a woman who cooked as much as she did. His mother had never cooked anything and from the age of six Roger had to make his own food or else he wouldn't have anything to eat.

After a few minutes of just sitting there and thinking about what Mrs. Cohen had said he too got up and walked into the house. Roger was right; she was in the kitchen making something for lunch. It seemed as if the woman lived in the kitchen, but seeing as Mark no longer lived there she had to find something to do. Roger made his way upstairs and down the hallway to Mark's room. He lightly knocked on the door before just walking in.

Mark was curled up on the bed sound a sleep. He was wrapped in a few blankets and he looked peaceful. Roger walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of the bed trying his best to not wake Mark up, at least, not yet. He looked at Mark's sleeping form and he finally realized how weak and sick Mark really was. He was thin, well, much more than he normally was, and he was pale. His blonde hair wasn't sticking up as it normally did, instead it was flat against his head.

Roger smiled at how peaceful the filmmaker looked, but then it hit him that one day he would find Mark sleeping, but he wouldn't be asleep. He began to dread that day, but for now Mark was alive and still breathing and that's all the comfort that Roger needed.

"Mark, why did you have to get sick? Why didn't you take care of yourself? You wouldn't be selfish to think of yourself every now and then, I promise. You are too young to die. We both are, but you are the one who is meant to survive, not me. You can't die, Mark. I love you too much to lose you." Roger quietly whispered to Mark's sleeping form. Tears had formed in Roger's eyes as he realized that every moment his best friend, brother, roommate, and filmmaker was another moment closer to not being with him.

Roger reached forward and brushed Mark's hair out of his face. Mark let out a slight moan before going back to sleep. Roger smiled at how childish Mark was when he was sick. Roger then lightly shook the young man to try to wake him.

"Rog?" Mark croaked. He still tired, but he knew Roger's touch when he was trying to wake him up.

"You have to get up Mark." Roger said as he rubbed Mark's back to try to wake him up more. Mark just pulled the covers over his head and tried to get away from Roger's touch. "Oh no you don't Cohen. It's time to get up." Roger said as he crawled onto the bed and sat over top of Mark.

"Rog, get off me." Mark said as he tried to push Roger off of him, but he wasn't as strong as Roger, even before he was sick.

"Not until you wake up." Roger said with a smile across his face.

"I am up." Mark complained. Roger's weight was squishing him into the mattress even though Roger was only straddling him and not sitting right on him.

"You're not, because as soon as I leave you will go back to sleep." Roger said as he poked Mark in the side. Mark squirmed underneath Roger as he was poked. He was ticklish and Roger knew it. Not only did Roger know he was ticklish, but he also knew almost every spot where Mark was ticklish.

"Roger, don't!" Mark cried as he tried to get away from Roger's grasp. Roger just smiled as he kept poking Mark in the side which only made the filmmaker squirm even more.

"If you get up, I won't tickle you anymore." Roger said with a grin on his face.

"Promise?" Mark said between his laughing.

"For now." Roger said with an evil grin across his face. He stopped poking Mark and got off of him. He sat Indian style at the foot of Mark's bed while Mark pulled himself up and sat at the head of the bed.

"Do you always have to be evil when you wake me up?" Mark asked as he yawned. He pulled the blanket up around to him and wrapped it close to his body. He was cold even though it was late May.

"No, but it's more fun to be." Roger said with an evil grin still on his face. "Anyway, you have to get up and get your things together. I talked to your mom and we both agreed that it was best if I take you home. So, we are having lunch and then your mom and Cindy are taking us to the bus station." Roger said. Mark just looked at him shocked.

"We are going home?" Roger nodded his head. "How did you convince my mother…you know… never mind. I don't want to know what you two talked about, but thanks Rog."

"For what?"

"Getting me out of here. I don't think I'll survive another fight with my father." Mark said. Roger moved closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You're my best friend Mark. I'd do anything to keep you around as long as I can, and I figured that being home in the loft would be better than staying here. But since I'm taking you home, you have to promise me one thing." Mark nodded his head in agreement. "You have to tell me what happened between you and your father." Roger said.

"I will, just not while we are here." Mark said.

"I didn't want to know now, but I do want to know. I know everything about you, more than you think I know, but I don't know why you left home." Roger said. Mark gave him a questioning look.

"I don't want to know the other things you know about me, do I?" he asked. Roger just shook his head with a smile across his lips. "I figured, but I'll let answer any questions you have from now until I leave you. Deal?" Mark asked as he held out his hand for Roger to take.

"Deal." Roger said as he reached out and grabbed onto Mark's hand. The two friends shook on it before Roger climbed off of the bed and headed toward the door. He left the room to allow Mark to get dressed and to get his things together. Mark was happy to be going home, not just any home, but the home he shared with Roger.

Mark climbed out of bed after Roger left the room and he dressed in a pair of khaki pants and a red long sleeved t-shirt. His hair was still flat so he ran his hands through it in an attempt to mix it. All that had done was mess it up more, but at least it wasn't caked to his head anymore. When he was done dressing he put his camera back into his bag and looked around to make sure that nothing else was left behind. There was nothing that he could see so he grabbed his bag and headed out of his room and downstairs. When he finally got downstairs, he placed his bag next to Roger's which was by the front door. Mark then slowly made his way into the kitchen.

Mark entered the kitchen to see that everyone what there, except his father which he was grateful for. He walked over to the table and took his place in between Roger and Josh. Mark wasn't really hungry, but he knew if he didn't eat, then his mother and probably Roger would lecture him about it. So he at least eat some of the food that his mother had made.

Once everyone had finished eating his or her lunch Chris and Jake collected everyone's plates and placed them in the sink. They then ran off into the living room to watch a movie. Everyone else got up from the table and headed toward the door. Roger grabbed his and Mark's bags and headed out to the car with Mrs. Cohen and Cindy. Josh on the other hand had pulled Mark away from the door.

"Mark, I don't know how well you like your sister or me for that matter, but if you ever need anything, just let us know. You are my brother, through marriage, and I do care about you. Just take care of yourself." Josh said to Mark.

"I will. Thanks for everything Josh. I hope to see you again before I leave this world." Mark said to Josh. The two men embraced in a friendly hug before Mark headed out the door and to the car. Cindy was in the driver's seat and his mother was in the passenger's seat. They were having a conversation of their own while waiting for Mark and Roger. Roger, on the other hand, was standing outside the car waiting for Mark.

"You ready to go home?" Roger asked as Mark walked closer to the car. Mark nodded his head while he replied.

"Yeah, I'm beyond ready." Mark said. Roger smiled at him before he opened the car door. He moved away from the door before walking around the back of the car and getting in on the other side. Mark slid into the seat and made himself comfy for the ten minute car ride to the bus stop.

Before long the car ride was over and the four of them had arrived at the bus stop. Everyone climbed out of the car, once it was parked, to say their goodbyes. Cindy went up to Roger and gave him a friendly hug. She pulled back from the hug and looked him in the eyes. "Take care of my little brother for me." She said.

"I'll do my best." Roger said. The two hugged again before Cindy opened the trunk and Roger grabbed his and Mark's bags out of it. Roger and Cindy said good-bye once again before Roger walked away some to allow Mark to say goodbye to his family.

While Cindy and Roger were talking, Mrs. Cohen was having her own conversation with her son. "Take care of yourself dear." She said as she hugged Mark. Tears were beginning to form in her eyes as she held her baby closed to her.

"I will mom, don't worry. Besides, I'll call if anything changes." Mark told her as he hugged her back.

"Good, and Mark honey," she pulled away from the hug so she could look at her son "think about what we talked about. You don't have much time, so remember that." Mrs. Cohen said as a tear fell down her face. Mark reached up and wiped it away. He hated when his mother cried, and hated it even more when she cried because of him.

"I'll think about it mom, but I am not promising that I will say anything." Mark said. Mark and his mother hugged and kissed goodbye before Cindy came over and hugged him. Cindy hugged her little brother and kissed him on the cheek like she had always done. She told him to take care of himself and to call. She said the same things that Josh had said to him before and Mark just said thanks as he had to Josh.

Mrs. Cohen had walked away from her children as they talked between one another and she slowly made her way over to Roger. She stood next to him and they both watched as Cindy and Mark talked and hugged. "Roger" she began. He turned to look at the woman who was slightly shorter than him, but not by much. "Take care of my child. I never wanted to be around when he left this world, but sadly my wish cannot come true. I did my best to take care of him when he was younger, but I obviously failed the night he left." She said as more tears formed in her eyes.

"From what I know, Mrs. Cohen, you weren't the reason he left." Roger said politely. He hated when adults cried around him and he hated trying to make them feel better, but she was Mark's mother and he cared about Mark, so he cared about her too.

"Yes, but that's in the past and it doesn't matter anymore." _Does she always change topics so quickly?_ Roger asked himself. "Roger, talk to him. Tell him how you feel. He deserves happiness and I do believe that you are the one to give it to him." Mrs. Cohen said. Roger just stared at her. What she trying to play matchmaker between Mark and himself? Mark's mother was losing it, well at least in Roger's mind.

"I'll think about it." Roger said. He wasn't planning on saying anything to Mark, but by saying this he hoped to get her off his back about it. Besides, he never wanted Mark to find out how he truly felt, but with Mark's mother telling him that he needs to every thirty seconds, it was going to be harder to keep hidden then he thought.

"Just think about it, that's all I'm as—Ready to go dear?" Mrs. Cohen said quickly as Mark walked over to his roommate and mother. Mark just nodded his head. Mrs. Cohen hugged Mark once more before Roger and Mark walked away to get onto the bus. Cindy walked over to her mother and stood next to her as the two friends walked away from them. Mrs. Cohen was smiling happily as they walked away.

"What have you been scheming?" Cindy asked her mother.

"Nothing." Mrs. Cohen replied with a smirk playing on her lips.

"Sure, I totally believe that…not. Now mother, what have you done to them?" Cindy asked again. Mark and Roger were out of view now and Mrs. Cohen turned toward her daughter.

"They love each other." Was all she replied with before beginning to walk away. Cindy grabbed her mother's arm to stop her.

"They what?" Cindy asked with disbelief written all over her face.

"Mark is too afraid to admit, but Roger fully admitted to me."

"Not without you forcing him too I bet." Cindy retorted. Mrs. Cohen ignored this comment before going on with her story.

"Mark is running out of time and I want him happy. He's already happy living with Roger, so why not add more? I just told them each to tell the other. I don't think Mark will say anything, but Roger will more than likely crack and finally tell him. They are both dying and they both need happiness. I believe they have found it in each other." Mrs. Cohen said as he looked over to where the two boys had once been.

"And how do you feel about this concept?" Cindy asked. Once again, wasn't this the reason that Mark had left in the first place?

"I may not fully agree to it, but everyone deserves happiness. I have two wonderful children and a husband, who is lucky to be living right now I might add. I am happy with my life. You have Josh and the boys so you are happy, but what does Mark have? He needs something, well someone, and I believe he has found it in Roger. Now, let's go home." Mrs. Cohen said completely dropping the conversation and heading back toward the car. Cindy stood there for a moment contemplating what her mother had just told her. Mark did need something, err someone, but was it really Roger? She looked at where Mark and Roger had been a few minutes before shaking her and sighing.

"I hope you're right, mama. I really hope you're right." Cindy said to herself before she turned and followed her mother back to the car.

* * *

sharp inhale Gasp What has Mark's mother done? And what will Mark and Roger do?  
Okay so adding that totally made it more of a cliffhanger than it was meant to be, but I couldn't help myself. 

(Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed it. I spent a while going over and making sure it was right, but sadly I probably missed a few things. It takes me ages to get a chapter written since I write it and then edit it like five times before finally posting it. There are no more vacations for me so I should be updating every few days now. Thanks for waiting so long and tell me what you think.)


	6. Mark's Past

(Author's Note: I'm SO Sorry that this took so long. I'm extremely guilty of staying up late nights reading other stories, instead of writing my own. I know I had said I would update ever few days, well I totally blew that one. I'm sorry. I will be updating much more though because I only have a month until College starts and I know I'm not going to have anytime what so ever to update once classes start.

This chapter took ages to write because I wasn't sure how to write about Mark's past and it took three days just to get there to where I could stand it. I don't really like how this chapter came out, but I needed something before I could keep going.

Enough talk, here's the next chapter.)

**

* * *

Chapter Six: Mark's Past**

Mark was leaning against the window of the bus just watching the world go by. He hadn't said a word to Roger since they walked away from his mother. Roger was concerned for the way his friend had been acting lately, but he figured that Mark just wanted to be left alone.

Roger sat next to the filmmaker. He had his notebook out and was writing down any good lyrics that came into his mind. None of it went together, but he figured he could come up with something later. He wrote down a few more lines that came to head before he stopped and looked at Mark from the corner of his eye. He was still leaning against the window watching the world go by. While he watched Mark, he wrote down things that came to his mind, such as: 'watching the world go by', 'watching from a distance', 'you're all I've ever wanted'

Suddenly he stopped and looked at the last things he had written. 'You're all I've ever wanted.' Was he losing his mind? Quickly he scratched it out in hopes that Mark wouldn't and hadn't seen it. Luckily, for Roger, Mark was still staring out the window. Besides, if Mark had seen it, he would have had no idea why Roger had written it, but Roger knew and he was afraid that Mark would know too.

Finally the bus arrived at their stop and they disembarked. Roger grabbed his bag and headed out onto the street. The sun was shinning; it was the first really nice day in weeks, if not months. He was about to continue on when he realized that Mark wasn't behind him. The musician turned around and saw Mark looking at the ground and if he wasn't mistaken, Roger could have sworn that he was crying. Roger back tracked over to Mark. He was right, Mark was crying.

"You okay?" Roger asked as he placed a hand on Mark's shoulder. Mark looked up at Roger and smiled.

"Yeah, I'm good. I was just thinking, but it's not important. Let's just go home." He said picking up his bag and began walking before Roger could say anything. Roger just grabbed his things and ran after Mark. He knew, in time, he could get it out of Mark.

After a twenty minute walk and twelve blocks later, Mark and Roger finally arrived back home at the loft. Mark unlocked the door and as soon as he walked into the loft he went straight to him room and closed the door behind him. Roger watched as Mark went to his room before placing his bag down by the door and heading into the kitchen. He looked around for some thing, either to eat or drink, it didn't matter, but all he came up with was only tea bags. He grabbed the coffee pot and filled it with water before putting it on the hotplate that Mark's mother had gotten him for Christmas almost two years ago. It amused Roger how it was a 'Christmas' present when Mark and his family were Jewish.

There wasn't much to do in the loft, but he wasn't going to leave. Mark wasn't in the greatest health and he was currently locked in his room. Roger sighed before closing his eyes and lying down on the couch. He wasn't tired, he was just confused. All the things that had happened in the past few days were so confusing, and Mark's mother hadn't helped the situation any.

He did like Mark. He cared about Mark. He'd do anything for Mark, but did that really mean that he loved Mark? He had told Mark's mother that he did, but he wasn't totally sure at the moment. Roger tried to push the thoughts of Mark out of his mind, but they kept coming back. '_You're losing it Davis. Even if you do love Mark, he's your best friend. Besides, he wouldn't like you back, he's straight.'_ Roger thought to himself.

Roger was awakened from his thoughts by the phone ringing. After two rings the infamous 'SPEAK' was heard through the loft. "Roger, Mark, it's Collins. I know you said you were going away for the weekend, but I figured I'd just—" Collins said into the machine, before Roger picked up.

"Hey Collins." Roger said. He had ignored his place on the couch and went over to the phone. He really needed to talk to someone and Collins would be able to help.

"I thought you were going to be gone until tomorrow." Collins said with a slight hit of a question being asked.

"We were, but things happened so I brought Mark home." Roger told the anarchist.

"What happened?" Collins asked wondering what could have been so bad that Roger had to bring Mark home.

"Give me a second." Roger said and put down the phone on the table. He quietly walked over to Mark's room and placed an ear against the door. Sure enough the sound of Mark's light snoring came through to door. Roger smiled while his ear was still against the door. Mark was sleeping and it sounded peaceful at that. Roger moved away from Mark's door and back to where the phone lay. "Okay, I can tell you." He said.

"What'd ya do?" Collins asked. He was trying to figure out why it suddenly became quiet on Roger's end. Usually Roger would just talk and didn't care if anyone heard what he said, so this strange behavior was weird to him.

"I went to go see if Mark was asleep or not. If he wasn't then I couldn't tell you, because some of the story I can't let him hear."

"If Mark was there, wouldn't he know the story?"

"You'll understand when I tell you."

So Roger began the story. He told Collins how Cindy had picked them up and that Cindy and Mark had fought in the car. He told how Mark's mother acted like he was just coming home from college. The things that Mark's father had said. How he had told Mark's family everything. How Mark ended up sick. How he told Cindy and Josh stories of living with Mark, and for now he left out the conversation with Mark's mother.

"How would Mark not know any of that?" Collins asked. He wasn't sure what Roger was keeping, but it had to be something.

"He knows most of that… wait no… he knows all of that, but what he doesn't know I haven't told you yet." Roger said. He was trying to rethink all of what he had said and realized that Collins was right.

"Okay then." He paused before going on "So let me get this straight. Mark's now sick because he fought with his father?" Collins asked. How could one get sick from yelling? He was pretty sure that Roger wasn't telling everything.

"Yeah basically" Was all that Roger had responded with as though it was nothing.

"Is he okay?" Collins asked. He was concerned for the filmmaker who had become sick so suddenly, at least to his knowledge.

"He is right now. He's sleeping and he's just been really tired lately."

"Roger, what is going on with Mark? Yelling at his father shouldn't make him sick." Collins said. He knew Roger wasn't telling the whole story and he wanted to know what was going on. _'Shit!'_ Was the only word that came to Roger's thoughts. Collins didn't know that Mark was sick and dying. How could he forget that detail? Now how was he going to get out of this one? "Roger?" Collins asked again.

"Sorry. I was just thinking." He paused. '_Come up with something quick, Davis'_ he said to himself. "You know what Collins… I don't really know what's wrong with Mark. He hasn't been telling me anything lately." Roger said. He then braced himself to wait to see if Collins could see through his lie or not.

"Well, get that boy to talk. Something has to be wrong. For all we know he could be dying and he's not telling us." Collins said. Little did he know, but Mark really was dying. Roger was relived that Collins didn't see through his lie.

"I'll talk to him, don't worry." Roger replied. He knew Collins didn't mean the actual saying to what he had said. It was a just hypothetical response, but it was true. "Hey, Col"

"Yes?" Collins asked. Roger had never once called him Col before. It was usually Collins, Tom, or Thomas, but _never_ Col.

"I need your help." Roger said quite quickly.

"With what?" Collins asked. Roger usually only went to Mark for help and it was a rare occasion when he went to someone else.

"While I was with Mark this weekend, his mother pulled me aside. She said she wanted to talk to me about something, in private." Roger said. He ran and hand over the back of his neck. He was nervous and even though Collins couldn't see him, he still felt the pink rise in his face.

"Okay, what did she want to talk about?" Collins asked. He could only help if he knew what was going on and so far he was pretty clueless except that it had to do with Mark's mother.

So Roger told Collins the conversation with Mrs. Cohen. He told Collins what she had said and what she had asked. He told of his response and how she kept pushing the subject before they boarded the bus.

"Mark has one smart mother. I've known there was something between you two for years. She was just able to say something to you and get your answer." Collins said with a slight chuckle.

"You've known for years? I haven't even known for a few weeks." Roger said in disbelief.

"I lived with you two and I noticed things. Besides, how I know isn't the point. The point is what are you going to do?" Collins asked.

"I don't know. How do you bring a conversation like this up to someone?" Roger asked. Collins was after all gay, so he had to have some advice.

"First off you have to know if how you feel is genuine or if it's just a spur of the moment type of thing." Collins told Roger.

"What do you mean?"

"Is what you told Mark's mom true? Do you really care about him more than anything? Would you do anything for him?" Collins asked.

"Yes." It was a simple answer, but to both Roger and Collins it meant everything.

"Then tell him."

"But he's practically my brother, sure there are times it feels like more, but he's my best friend no matter how you look at it." Roger said.

"All I can tell you Rog, is that you have to figure out if you care about him enough to tell him. Once you know that, you'll know what to do. I do have to agree with Mark's mom though."

"How so?" Roger asked.

"He deserves happiness. I don't think he's known any true happiness since before Maureen started cheating on him. Sometime I even doubt that, but everyone deserves a chance at happiness and so do you Rog. I know you've lost April and Mimi, but people can fill the empty voids. I personally believe that neither April nor Mimi was your true soul mate. For all we know, Mark might be your one true love. Just think about things Roger. You're the only one who can make that decision." Collins told him. Collins never really liked April and he wasn't too fond of how Roger and Mimi first meet, but for Roger's sake he had kept quite.

"Thanks Collins. Glad to know you liked my girlfriends." Roger said with his voice full of sarcasm.

"It wasn't that I didn't like them. I did, I just never believed that they were the one for you." Collins said. He didn't want Roger mad at him and if Mark was sick Mark didn't need to deal with an angry Roger.

"Okay. I'll think about things and hopefully come up with a solution. Thanks again Collins."

"Not a problem. You go think I've got papers to grade. Take care of Mark and I'll talk to you boys later. Bye"

"Bye" and with that Roger and Collins hung up the phone.

Roger went into the kitchen to finally make his cup of tea. He pulled out two cups since he figured that Mark would probably want one too. He made one cup of tea and took it over to Mark's room. Roger lightly knocked on the door, and waited for a reply, but there wasn't one. Roger then opened the door slowly and found Mark still sound asleep on his bed.

He made his way into Mark's room and set the cup down on the milk crate that was next to Mark's bed. He then sat down on the edge of Mark's bed and rubbed Mark's back in hopes of waking him up. The filmmaker stirred a little before turning his head toward Roger and opened his eyes.

"Morning sleepy" Roger said with a smile on his face and his hand still rubbing Mark's back.

"It's not morning anymore." Mark said as he closed his eyes with his head still resting on his pillow.

"I know. Anyway, are you feeling any better?" Roger asked. He had removed his hand from Mark's back and turned his body so he could see Mark easier.

"Yeah, I'm better. Still tired, but better." Mark said. He moved so he could sit up and was facing Roger. His blanket was still wrapped around him and he held it close.

"Good. I brought you some tea." Roger said as he picked up the glass and handed it to Mark. Mark muttered a quiet 'thanks' before drinking some. "Collins called while you were asleep. He asked how the weekend went and just wanted to make sure that we got home safe, granted he was just going to leave a message to tell us to call him, but we got home a day early." Roger said.

"Okay." He took a drink of his tea "I should probably call my mother to let her know we're home." Mark said as he held the cup of tea in his hands.

"Probably, but if you're still tired call her later or I can do it for you." Roger said.

"No, I should call her now. So she knows that I am still alive, safe, and home." Mark said as he moved to get out of bed. Roger left the room went back into the kitchen to finally get his cup of tea. He was leaning against the counter when Mark wandered into the room and over to the phone.

He picked up the phone and dialed the ten digit number. The phone rang twice before someone answered it. "Hello?" it was his father. He hadn't expected his father to answer the phone. Quickly and quietly he placed the phone back on the hook. He could deal with Cindy, Josh or his mother, but there was no way that he could talk to his father.

Roger looked and saw that Mark had a look of pure horror on his face. He was staring at the phone as though it had just tried to bite him.

"Mark? Are you okay? I promise phones can't bite." Roger said. He was trying to make Mark feel better but it wasn't working. "Mark?" he asked again as he moved from the counter over to were Mark was standing.

"I can't do it." Mark said. Tears were beginning to form in his eyes.

"Can't do what?" Roger asked. Mark turned away from the phone and Roger and curled up on the couch with his knees up to his chest. Roger went and sat down right in front of Mark and looked into Mark's scared ice blue eyes. "What can't you do?" Roger asked again.

"Dad." It was the only word to come out of Mark's mouth, but Roger was pretty sure he understood the concept. Roger reached forward and pulled Mark into the tight hug.

"It's okay. You don't have to talk to your father. Would you rather I call your mother?" Roger asked the small scared form of Mark. Mark just nodded his head before pulling away from Roger.

Roger moved over to the phone and dialed the ten numbers that Mark told him. Roger waited as the phone rang. It rang again and still no answer. On the third ring someone finally picked up.

"Hello?" the voice asked. It was Mark's father. There was no mistaking that voice. It was two low to be a girls and to harsh to be Josh's.

"Hi, is Martha Cohen available?" Roger asked. He looked back over at Mark was watching him from the couch. He was pretty sure that he wouldn't recognize his voice seeing as he only talked one or twice while Mr. Cohen was in the room.

"One moment." Mr. Cohen said. Roger gave Mark a smile as he waited for Mark's mother to pick up.

"Hello?" came the cheery voice of Martha Cohen.

"Hi Mrs. Cohen, it's Roger." Roger told her.

"Oh, hello dear. I take it as you made it home then." She said to him.

"Yeah we got home a while ago." Roger told her.

"How's Mark? Is he okay?" she asked with concern filling her voice.

"He's fine. He was going to call you, but your husband answered the phone and I think he flipped out a little." Roger told her. Mark just nodded in agreement. He had flipped out and that was all there was to it.

"Oh my, tell him I'm sorry. I take it as he was the one who just called when Kevin said that they hung up figuring it was a wrong number." Mrs. Cohen said.

"Yeah, that was Mark. He just wanted to let you know what we got home okay and that he's okay. He's tired, but then again he usually is. It's nothing big." Roger said.

"Well good. I'm glad that you boys are home and I hope that things go back to normal. I have to get going dear, but give Mark my love and I will talk to you both soon. Goodbye." Mrs. Cohen said quite cheerfully.

"Bye" Roger said before he hung up the phone. He turned back to the couch and sat down next to Mark. Mark had pulled his blanket even closer to him and was hugging his tea in his hands for dear life. Roger watched as Mark finished his tea while Roger's sat forgotten on the counter.

"Mark, are you sure you're feeling well? I mean it's almost the end of May and you're wrapping yourself in a blanket." Roger asked. He looked at his best friend with a sad smile on his face.

"I don't know Rog. I mean I feel fine, but I'm freezing and the weather is really warm." Mark said as he wrapped the blanket even tighter around himself.

Roger moved over to Mark and wrapped his arms around him. Mark was freezing and Roger could feel it thought the thin blanket that Mark had around him. Mark just snuggled into Roger's warm body in an attempt to warm himself. "Rog, you don't have to do this. I can always go curl up in my bed and try to get warm." Mark said while he wrapped his arms around Roger's waist.

"I know, but you've done so much for me in the past and now it's my turn to take care of you." Roger said as he held Mark close. As he held the small, thin, and ill man close to him, he was no longer trying to figure anything out. Having Mark close to him just felt right and he knew now that there could be no questioning about it anymore. He really was in love with Mark Cohen.

"Hey, Rog" Mark asked as he looked up at Roger.

"What?" Roger asked as he held Mark close.

"You know how I promised you that I would tell you the story as to why I left home." Roger just nodded his head. "Well, if you have time, I can tell you now." Mark said.

"Only if you want to." Roger said.

"After spending a day with my family, I think you need to know. Mainly after what happened between me and my father." Mark said.

"Mark, I only want you to tell me if… one, you don't get too upset by telling me, and two, if you're not going to get sick afterwards."

"Okay, I can do that. Even if I do, you have to know. This is one thing about my past that you need to know, no matter how much I hate it." Roger just nodded his head.

Roger and Mark moved into a more comfortable position before Mark began to tell his story.

* * *

Mark had very few friends while he was growing up. In high school he had only three really close friends:Ryan, John, and Scott. Sadly Ryan died after he moved before the four boys senior year of high school. Mark, John and Scott stayed close friends, even after Mark had gone away to college.

One day while Mark sat in his room trying to study, John had called him crying. His mother had just passed away and he wasn't quite sure how to deal with it. After the two boys talked it was decided that Mark would come home for the weekend only if John was able to get him from college.

That Friday John had driven to Brown to bring Mark home. All the way home the two friends talked. They spent the whole drive talking about John and his mother and they even talked about Ryan. Finally John pulled into Mark's driveway and the two boys said goodbye. John had needed someone to talk to and Mark was always there. He has tried to call Scott, but he was on vacation with his family that week and there was no way to reach him.

Mark grabbed his things out of the car and began to walk toward the front door. Before he was halfway down the sidewalk he heard foot steps behind him and turned around to see John coming toward him.

"Thanks for everything Mark." John said when he reached where Mark was standing.

"Don't think of it." Mark was just able to get out before John kissed him. John was gay, and everyone knew that, but he wasn't sure how to show his affection except thought a kiss. John had a boyfriend that everyone knew as well.

Mark pushed John away quickly and looked at him. "John, I know you are grateful, but you know you can't do that." Mark said. His family was extremely against anyone who wasn't straight. The only way he could still be friends with John is that his parents thought he was straight.

"I'm sorry. I-I'm just so confused right now with my mom dying, that I forget things. I'm so sorry Mark." John said. Mark put a hand on John shoulder to help reassure the young man in front of him.

"It's okay. I know this can be hard. We lost Ryan, remember? You were confused then too, I just hope no one in my family is home." Mark said as he gave a quick glace to window they there by.

John muttered a few more 'sorry's before heading back to his car. Mark walked into his house and was met with his father's angry face.

"Who was that?" Kevin Cohen asked his son.

"That was John, dad." Mark said. This was a rather strange question seeing as John had been over many times before and he was sure his father knew him.

"Son, I'm going to ask you a question and I want the truth." Kevin calmly said as he looked at his son. Mark looked at his father and nodded his head. "Are you gay?"

"What?" Mark was stunned. Sure he didn't have a girlfriend, but that was no reason for his father to think he was gay, unless… _'Shit! He saw.'_ He thought to himself.

"Answer the question Mark." Kevin said again to his son. His temper was beginning to rise and he was known for having a very short fuse.

"No." Mark said.

"No as in you won't answer the question or no as in you're not gay?" Kevin asked. Mark's answer was left open for debate and he wanted the truth.

"No, I'm not gay." Mark said and headed toward the stairs as though the conversation was over.

"Then why were you in front of my house kissing another man?" Kevin asked. Mark stopped at looked at his father. Kevin's brown eyes were full of fury and Mark knew now wasn't a good time to cross the man.

"I wasn't. He kissed me. It was all a mistake." Mark said as if that should end the conversation.

"You lie." Kevin said with his temper still rising.

"No, I'm not. Just because I wasn't popular in school like Cindy and I don't have a girlfriend like Cindy has Josh, doesn't mean I'm gay. So what if one of my friends is gay? That doesn't mean I am, nor does it change the fact that we are friends." Mark said. After he said it he knew he was in for it. The wrong words came out of his mouth, but there wasn't a way to take them back.

"Your friend, you mean the one you were just kissing, is gay? After how your mother and I raised you, one of your friends is gay? What else am I suppose to think about you then Mark?" Kevin yelled at his son.

"Try trusting me!" Mark yelled back. "I'm your only son and the only one left in this family to carry on the Cohen name. You've always been able to trust Cindy, so why can't you trust me for once? I'm not gay!"

"You've never given me a reason to trust you."

"I've never given you a reason not to!" Mark yelled back. Tears were beginning to form in his eyes. He was being placed second best to Cindy again. Cindy was Kevin's favorite. Cindy was the golden child. Even though Mark graduated High School as Valedictorian and had perfect grades in everything, Cindy was still better then him. She did what their parents wanted. She dated a Jewish man, she went to a top college, and she listened to all of the rules, or so his parents thought.

Mark did everything right. He never complained, he never argued with them. When something was said, he followed it. When something needed done, he would do it. Mark _was_ the golden child, but not in his parents eyes. Cindy was lucky to get a C in any of her classes, her boyfriends were all Catholic, she only had good grades in college because Mark helped her all the time, and she broke almost every rule their parents had set. Yet here it was, once again, he was placed second to his sister.

"Mark, I'm going to ask you one more time, are you gay?" Kevin asked again. His voice was calmer then it had been before.

"No!" Mark almost screamed at him.

"Don't raise your voice to me, young man." Kevin yelled at Mark.

"How else am I going to get you to listen to me? You never listened to me. You never paid any attention to me. At my own graduation you gave Cindy all the attention. If you never wanted me around, then why did you and mom have me?" Mark asked. He was trying his best not to cry, but he was slowly failing at it.

"We did want you."

"Obviously not if all you ever cared about was Cindy. Cindy this and Cindy that. You never cared about me; you never even looked at me unless something bad happened. You wouldn't even have known I had come home this weekend if John didn't bring me home. Now you're yelling at me if I'm gay. What do you want me to do? Admit to something that isn't true?" Mark yelled yet again.

"I just want the truth."

"I gave you the truth, but you don't believe it. Fine, you want me to give into you like I always have? Fine, I'm gay. Happy?" Mark said. He couldn't face his father anymore. He turned and headed up the stairs.

He was only halfway up when something came in contact with the back of his head. He was knocked forward and ended up falling up the stairs before sliding some. "Don't you ever turn your back on me!" Kevin yelled at Mark. Mar rubbed the back of his head as he turned around to come face to face with an extremely pissed off Kevin Cohen. "I want you out!" he yelled again.

"What?" Mark asked. He was completely dumbfounded.

"I will not have some queer son of a bitch living in my house and I was certainly not have one for my son. I want you out of my house, and now!" Kevin screamed at Mark.

"Fine!" Mark said. He stood up, shoved his way past his father and upstairs to grab a few things.

Mark walked into his room and grabbed anything he could. He shoved money and clothes into his bag, along with some extra film. His gave his room one last look before leaving it. Mark headed back down the hallway and noticed that his father wasn't downstairs anymore. _'He probably left to go get drunk'_ Mark thought as he headed toward the stairs.

He was only a few stairs down before a heavy object came in contact with the back of his head. The sudden object knocked him off balance and he fall down the flight of stairs. He landed at the bottom of the stairs on his head and he was lucky his neck didn't break.

Mark came to after a momentary blackout and saw his father at the top of stairs. He was pissed off and violent. Mark quickly grabbed his things and headed out the front door. He ran down the street and kept running until he came to the bus stop. He had no idea where he was going. If he went back to school his father would find him. If he stayed here his father would kill him. So he did the only thing he could think of. He bought a bus ticket.

Before long Mark was on a way trip to New York and he had no idea why. Sure He was trying to get away from his father and hide all evidence of where he was, but what was in New York for him?

Once the bus arrived at the station, Mark got off and headed down the street. All he had was a few hundred dollars, a few changes of clothes, film, his camera, and the bag everything was in.

Mark walked down the streets of New York just trying to come up with somewhere to go and something to do. He wasn't watching where he was going and he collided with someone. He muttered a few apologizes without looking at the person he hit. When the person hadn't left, Mark finally looked up. He came face to face with Roger Davis.

* * *

Tears fell down Mark's face as he finished his story with running, literally, into Roger. Roger hugged Mark close in hopes of calming the crying man.

"Mark, I'm so sorry." Roger said as he held onto Mark. Mark pushed away and looked at Roger.

"It's not your fault that my father kicked me out. It's not your fault that I was always second best to Cindy, but because of you I am here today. I had no idea where I was going, but I was lucky that I ran into my best friend as soon as I arrived." Mark said. After he said it he quickly looked away. He couldn't look Roger in the eye, but Roger knew that Mark meant what he said. "Now you know what happened and why I left. Hell, I still have the scares from falling down the stairs all those years ago." Mark said.

"I'm sorry you went through that. No one should be that vicious to their own child." Roger said as he looked down at Mark. But Mark didn't hear him since he had already fallen asleep in Roger's arms.

Roger smiled at the sleeping man in his arms. He hated Mark's father for what he was put through. He hated that there was nothing he could do to make Mark feel better. He could do nothing to fix Mark's past, but he could try and make Mark's future, however short it was, better.

Carefully Roger picked Mark up and carried the sleeping man to his bedroom. He put Mark into bed before wrapping the blankets around Mark's still cold body before leaving the room. Mark had gone through hell the day he left and Roger now knew why. He didn't blame Mark for leaving and never going back. He was just glad that he was the one that Mark had run into all those years ago.

* * *

(Author's Note: Sorry for any mistakes, I was lacking motivation to check the whole thing, only some of it.

Once again sorry it took so long. I don't feel like my chapters are worth anything unless they are long, but I guess they don't have to be.

This chapter is **not** my favorite. I couldn't make a smooth transition while writing the past sequence. Basically the whole point was the show you that Mark got kicked out of his house because his father thought he was gay. That's it. I know a lot of crap for that small of detail.

Please tell me what you thought of it, and I will do my best to finish this story before I start College in a month.)


	7. Roger's Confession

(Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed to my story. I'm sorry it's so sad at time, if not most of the time, but I'm better at writing sad storing then I am happy ones.

I'm not sure how the ending of this will go so I don't know if Mark is going to die or not and if he doesn't then there might be a sequel, but I haven't thought that far in advance.

I'm SO Sorry that this took ages to get out. I'm busy trying to get things together for college since I have about two weeks until I move into my dorm. I write some every night, but I either get to tired or distracted by other things to finish a chapter. I'm working on that though.

Enough talk… here's the next chapter)

**

* * *

Chapter Seven: Roger's Confession**

Mark woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee. He was pretty sure they didn't have any or else Roger would have given him that to him last night instead of tea. He was also pretty sure that he had last been on the couch and not in bed.

He ignored his thoughts and wrapped his blanket around his body before heading out into the rest of the loft. Roger was sitting by the window with a cup of coffee in his hand because it was to dark in color to be tea. Collins sat on the couch with a newspaper and a cup of coffee.

Mark stumbled into the 'living room' and sat down on the couch. Collins put his newspaper down and looked at the tired man next to him. "Did you even sleep last night? You look like you haven't slept in days." Collins said as he looked at Mark. Mark was pale and he had dark circles under his eyes.

Roger moved from his place by the window and went into the kitchen. He poured another cup of coffee and handed it to Mark. "All I've done the past day or so _is_ sleep." Mark said. He took the cup from Roger and drank some. "Thanks" he said after he had swallowed the hot liquid.

"Maybe you should go to a doctor. You look like shit and if sleep isn't helping then something has to be wrong." Collins said.

"If I don't feel better in a few days then I'll go to one. I promise." Mark said as he took another drink of his coffee so he could avoid eye contact with Collins. He didn't want Collins to know what was going on, at least not yet.

"Alright then, I'm holding you to that. Well, I have to get going, I have a few things I need to do today. Take care of yourself Mark, and Roger make sure he gets better. I'll see you boys later." Collins said as he ruffled both Mark and Roger's hair before heading out the door and closing it behind him.

Once Collins was gone Mark turned back to his coffee. He wasn't going to go to a doctor. He would just make something up to get Collins off his back.

"I don't need to go to a doctor. I know what's wrong with me." Mark said more to his coffee then to Roger.

"There has to be something that they can do for you." Roger said as he took Collins' place on the couch and faced Mark.

"If I had the money and you are not giving up your AZT." Mark said before Roger could offer that again.

"What about your mom, Josh and Cindy? They offered to help." Roger said.

"I'm not asking them for anything. I don't wait to be in debt to them when I die. I don't have enough time to make that much money. I'm just happy that my life has gone this far. I just don't want to die in a hospital." Mark said.

"I promise you won't…be in a hospital" he couldn't say the word 'die' "and I highly doubt that you would be in debt to your family."

"I don't want to, okay? I have six months left and I'd rather not spend my time fighting about money and treatment. Roger, just let me live my last few months as I want. I don't want treatment, it's too late for that anyway and I don't want people to fuss over me. Just let me control my last six months." Mark said. Tears were in Roger's eyes as Mark said this, but he respected Mark's wishes and kept his word. He would do anything to make Mark's last months what he wanted.

"Okay. Your life, your choice." He said getting up off the couch and heading over to the fire escape. "It's just… oh never mind." He opened the door to walk out.

"What?" Mark asked. He looked at Roger from over the back of the couch. He was just standing by the open door not moving.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." He said before going out the door and on to the fire escape closing the door behind him. Mark put his cup down on the coffee table before wrapping the blanket around him, even though it was almost summer he was freezing, and heading out after Roger.

"Rog, it's not 'nothing'." He said as he opened the door to join Roger on the fire escape.

"Yes it is. Just drop it, okay?" Roger replied but he avoided eyes contact with Mark. He was looking at the people walking on the sidewalk in front of their building.

"Rog, talk to me." Mark said. He placed a hand on Roger's shoulder. Roger looked at him and shrugged his hand off.

"There's nothing to talk about. Besides, you should probably be in bed." Roger said as he walked pasted Mark and back into the loft. Mark just sighed before following Roger. He grabbed onto Roger's arm and turned him so they were eye to eye.

"I'm not sick, Rog, just cold. I don't need to be in bed. I'm fine. You on the other hand are not. What is bugging you?" Mark asked.

"It's just… you know what, forget it. I'm just being selfish again. I'm going for a walk." Roger said trying to pull away, but Mark held onto him. "Mark, just let me go." Roger said.

"I thought you were over this?" Mark asked. Roger stared at him. What was Mark talking about?

"Over what?" Roger asked.

"Keeping things from me and walking away from your problems. You did it all during your withdrawal, while you were with April and even while you were with Mimi. You ignored me and you know it. I don't have much time and if you don't tell me now, you might never be able to." Mark said.

"Oh don't play that shit on me." Roger almost yelled at Mark "You know damn well I never ignored you while I was with Mimi."

"But you did with April and during withdrawal." Mark replied cutting Roger off.

"I was stupid then. I still am and you know that. But don't you ever play that shit on me. You know damn well that I only keep things from you if it keeps you from getting hurt."

"Like what? What could you possible have to save me from? Tell me!" Mark yelled.

"Me!" Roger yelled back. He pulled away from Mark and headed out the front door of the loft. It took a moment for Mark to realize what Roger had just said and by then Roger was already past Mimi's old apartment.

"Roger!" Mark yelled down at him. Roger just ignored him and kept walking. "Roger, don't do this!" Mark yelled after him again. This time Roger stopped.

"Do what?" Roger called back.

"Don't walk away!" he yelled back to him "Don't ignore me. Please Roger… I need you." he whispered to himself. Tears formed in Mark's eyes as Roger started walking again and walked out the building. "Please Roger, please." Mark cried to himself.

Mark finally went back into the loft and to his room. He crawled into bed and cried. "Why can't I just tell him the truth? Why can't I just tell him that I love him and get over it? And why does he have to save me from himself?" Mark asked himself as he cried. Before long Mark had cried himself to sleep.

Three hours later Roger returned to the loft. He had just walked, he hadn't gone anywhere, he had just walked, and his walking brought him back to the loft. He walked into the loft and saw Mark sitting on the couch. He was playing with his camera.

Roger walked into the kitchen and grabbed some coffee that was left over from that morning. He put it on the hotplate to warm it up. He leaned against the counter to wait for it.

"Did you have a nice walk?" Mark asked from the couch.

"Don't do that." Roger said. Mark looked up from the couch with a questioning look.

"Don't do what?" Mark asked.

"Don't act like everything is okay. Don't act like nothing happened. We both know better. We both know that nothing is okay, so don't act like that." Roger said. He was practically glaring at Mark.

'_This is why I never and will never tell him. We fight too much to be more than friends. Sometimes we fight too much to even be friends.'_ Mark thought to himself. "Roger, do you even want me here?" Mark asked.

"What?" Roger asked. He was shocked that Mark could even think of such a thing.

"Do you even want me here?" Mark asked again.

"Why do you ask?" Roger asked.

"I'll take that as a no." Mark said quietly to himself so Roger couldn't hear as he looked down at his camera. He looked back up at Roger before answering "I just want to know. If you don't want me here, I'll leave." Mark said.

"And where would you go?" Roger asked. His coffee was warm so he grabbed a cup and sat down on the other side of the couch.

"Home" Mark answered quietly "to my parents. All we do is fight. You've changed ever since Mimi died and I don't know how to deal with you anymore. I can't fight with you anymore." Mark said as tears formed in his eyes.

"We've fought once since Mimi died." Roger said. He couldn't believe Mark would blame such a thing on him.

"And how many more will follow? How many more times will we fight in the next six months?"

"I don't know. I didn't want to fight with you, but you won't drop it."

"Just share things with me."

"Fine, you wanna know what was bugging me? You wanna know why I walked out? I can't deal with the fact that you are just giving up. You won't ask for help, you won't seek treatment and you're just letting yourself suffer. I can't deal with that." Roger cried.

"What else is there for me to do? I don't have money for treatment. It's inevitable, I'm going to die. I don't want to hurt you, but what else can I do?" Mark asked.

"I don't know, just don't give up. You're my best friend and I can't lose you. You have always been there for me no matter what happens and I don't know how to deal with you being gone. I'm being selfish and I know it, but I don't know what to do." Roger cried.

Mark sighed as he watched the tears fall from Roger's eyes. He knew Roger didn't want to cry, but he couldn't hold it back anymore. "Roger." Mark said quietly, almost too quiet for Roger to even hear, but he heard and looked at Mark.

"What?" Roger asked as he tried to hide his tears, but it was useless seeing as Mark had already seen them.

"I'm sorry."

Roger just looked at him. Why the hell was Mark sorry? What was there for Mark to be sorry about? "What? Why?" He asked.

"I'm sorry for hurting you." Roger just looked at him. "There are reasons why I won't get treatment and it has nothing to do with money. If I did go through treatment, I would be sick for four maybe five months out of the six that I have left. I don't want to spend my last months being sick. It wouldn't do anything to help."

"It could by you time." Roger said hopefully.

"Days, weeks if that. I'd rather just live my days out without being sick due to treatment. I'm sorry to end up hurting you, but what other choice do I have?" Mark said.

"I understand, and I'm sorry for getting mad at you about it. You have the right to chose, I just didn't want to lose my best friend, but no matter what I'm going to." Roger said.

"You still have to put up with me for a while; you're not getting rid of me that quick." Mark said with a smile. He was trying to lighten the mood and it seemed to work a little seeing as a small grin came to Roger's lips. "Now, come on, let's go get something to eat. There is nothing in this place to eat and I'm starving." He said as he pulled Roger off the couch and toward the door. Mark threw Roger his coat before putting his on and heading out the door.

Two hours later Mark and Roger returned home. After eating at the Life Café they went for a walk around the near by park. Roger was happy to be able to talk to Mark without the camera being stuck in his face.

As soon as they arrived back in the loft Mark fell onto the couch and didn't move. He was worn out, but he had fun being with just Roger for the first time in ages.

"Tired?" Roger asked as he walked past the couch and went to sit by the window with his guitar. Mark just gave him the finger before lying back down on the couch. Roger just laughed at him. "I was only joking Mark." Roger said as he started to turn his guitar. "Why don't you just go to bed?"

"I think I'll take a shower first." Mark said as he rolled off the couch and headed into his room. Moments later he returned with clothes in hand before heading into the bathroom. Once that door was shut, Roger went to playing some random chords, but ended up playing Musetta's Waltz.

About ten minutes later Mark walked out of the bathroom in sweats and a long sleeved t-shirt. He headed into his room and closed his door, but it didn't close all the way and ended staying open a crack. Roger looked at Mark and couldn't figure out why he was wearing long pants and shirt when it was almost 80 degrees in the loft. He was going to have to ask Mark when he woke up.

Sadly curiosity got the best of Roger and fifteen minutes after Mark went to sleep, he made his way into Mark's room. Mark was sound asleep on the bed and the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up. _'I knew it was too hot for him to wear it.'_ Roger thought to himself. He went to leave Mark's room seeing as he was correct on him being too hot, when something caught his eye.

Roger slowly made his way over to Mark's sleeping body. It took all he had not to heave up his stomach contents right there. The sight made him sick. It wasn't the fact that Mark was extremely thin. It wasn't the fact that Mark was extremely pale. It _was,_ however, the fact that Mark had new, red gashes on his wrists.

Roger left the room as quickly as he could without waking Mark up. He went out onto the fire escape. He was completely dumbfounded at what he just saw. He never thought that Mark would do such a thing, and it was time to confront him. Roger wasn't going to let this go on anymore, and he had no idea how long it was going on to begin with.

Mark woke from his sleep almost three hours later. He felt much better from the walk he had had with Roger earlier in the day. After stretching he got out of bed and went into the living room. He saw Roger sitting on the couch and he was looking at him.

"Hey." Mark said. Roger just kept looking at him. He looked from Mark's face to his arms then back to his face. Mark quickly folded his arms across his chest. "What?" he asked.

"Take off your shirt." Roger said as though it was no big deal. As if that was something you heard from your roommate everyday.

"What!" Mark asked again. This time it wasn't a question it was more of an exclamation.

"Take… your shirt… off." Roger said again, but more slowly. He really didn't think it was that hard of a concept.

"No"

"It's too warm to even be wearing one." Roger said.

"I'm cold." Mark lied. He wasn't cold, for once, but he wasn't going to let Roger know that.

"You're lying. You had your sleeves rolled up while you were a sleep. I looked in to make sure you were okay."

"Why did you come into my room?" Mark exclaimed.

"I didn't say I did." Roger said.

"But you're not saying that you didn't!" Mark yelled back.

"Take your shirt off." Roger repeated as if Mark hadn't said anything.

"No, I'm not taking it off." Mark said to him.

"Alright, fine, you win." Roger said as he looked away from Mark and picked up the newspaper that Collins had left. Roger wasn't done and he was going to win, but Mark didn't know that.

Mark let out a small sigh and began moving to walk past Roger. As soon as Mark had pasted him, he jumped up from the couch and grabbed onto Mark. He spun him around and yanked Mark's shirt up over his head. "What the fuck, Roger!" Mark yelled at him.

"You don't have anything I don't and if you do, I wanna see it." Roger said to him. Mark backed away from Roger some and just looked at him.

"Haha, very funny. Now, give me my shirt back." Mark said. He would have reached out to grab his shirt, but he was trying to hide something from Roger that was already known about.

"No. Mark, would you look at yourself?" Roger asked him.

"Yeah, I'm half naked in the middle of the loft, so? Now, can I have my shirt back?" Mark asked again.

"That's not what I mean Mark." Roger said.

"Then what do you mean?" Mark asked. He was pretty sure he knew what Roger meant, but he didn't want to be right.

Roger threw Mark's shirt onto the couch and walked over to him. He grabbed onto Mark's wrists and stared him down. "This is what I'm taking about. Why would you do this?" Roger asked. Mark was right, Roger knew.

"H-how did you f-find out?" Mark asked as he looked away from Roger.

"When you were sleeping. I went to go check on you and it caught my eye, so I went into your room to look and I nearly threw up. Why would you do it?" Roger asked again. His voice wasn't as strong and he didn't hold Mark's wrists as tight anymore.

"You wouldn't understand." Mark said while avoiding eye contact.

"Try me. I went threw withdrawal. I went threw two girlfriends' deaths. And I went threw being rejected by my family. Just try me." Roger said. Mark just shook his head. "Okay then, how long." Mark mumbled something under his breath as he looked at the ground. "What?" Roger asked.

"Since your withdrawal." Mark said as he looked at Roger. Tears formed in his eyes and he tried to get away but Roger held his wrists too tight. He felt ashamed and embarrassed and it was only going to get worse.

"Why?" Roger asked again.

"What else was I suppose to do? I went threw hell while trying to get you through that. I was torn apart mentally and it didn't help that I was hurt physically too. Too many things were happening and I had no outlet, so I turned to that." Mark yelled as tears poured down his face.

"Still Mark, why would you do it?" Roger asked him.

"Because I just want to be loved." Mark yelled back.

"Mark, you are loved. You have friends and family who love you." Roger said.

"No, I want true love. I want that someone special, but it will never happen so I always turn to inanimate objects for that. First my camera and now this." Mark cried. Tears fell down his face as he yelled and cried at Roger.

"You don't need your camera for that and you sure as hell don't need a razor. People love you. Your mom, sister, Collins, me, Joanne, Angel and Mimi still love you, hell even Maureen loves you. You don't need those things Mark, you have us."

"It's not that same. I have the fear of you leaving. I have the fear of being rejected, but I don't with my camera and such. I know neither will leave unless I make it leave. I'm stupid for even wishing for something that I can't have." Mark cried

"Mark, someone loves you, they are just too scared of how you will think about them. They are too afraid of what it would do to you. They love you more than anything in the world but are too scared to tell you."

"How do you know?" Mark asked.

"Because, I've been there. I've witnessed the pain first hand. I've felt the terror of being rejected. I'm felt the hurt of breaking that person's heart. I've been there Mark, I know." Roger said.

"Maybe, but it doesn't matter because there is no one out there like that for me. I have six months left and I'm going to spend them with a broken wish in my heart." Mark cried. More tears poured down Mark's face and as Roger watched the man in front of him crying, he knew what he had to do.

Roger had now or never to tell Mark. To let Mark know the truth, so show Mark that he wasn't stupid for dreaming. To give Mark the one thing he really wanted before he died. Roger had to tell Mark how he felt.

"No you won't" Roger said to Mark as he walked over to the crying man. He reached out and held Mark's head in his hands.

"How do you know?" Mark asked.

"I just do." Roger said. He leaned forwarded and connected his lips to Mark's. There was no reaction from Mark before Roger pulled away. "I know because I'm the one. I'm the one who's scared to tell you. I'm the one who's afraid of how you'll react and I'm scared shitless of hurting you. I maybe not be that special someone you're looking for, but I care for you more than you'll ever know." Roger said. Mark was stunned, not only from the kiss but from Roger's words.

Roger turned away from Mark and headed toward his room. He had told Mark. He had let Mark know how he felt, and with no reaction from Mark, it was killing him. He wasn't going to cry in front of anyone over this, especially Mark, so he turned to leave. He walked into his room and closed the door behind him. Roger slid down the door and let the tears fall down his face.

He was in love, head over heels in love, with Mark. He had just told Mark that, granted he hadn't said 'I love you' to him, but he had mentioned it before in his list of who loves him. Roger wasn't one to come out and say that to anyone, unless he really meant it and he did for Mark. He had forever; it just took until Mimi died to realize it. Roger could do many things in his life, but confronting someone after confessing his love, was something he couldn't do.

Mark stood there and watched as Roger left to his room. Roger had just kissed him _and_ just confessed that he loved him. He hadn't said it, but Mark knew. But what was he suppose to do? Was he supposed to run after him and tell him the same, which is what he wanted to do, just not the running part. Mark did the only thing he knew how to when it came to love (thanks to Maureen and Nanette). He fell to the floor and cried.

* * *

(Author's Note: There you go, another chapter. I have some if not most of the next chapter written so it should be coming out soon… I hope. It should be as long as college stuff doesn't get in the way.

Tell me what you think of it and if anyone has any ideas feel free to share them.

Thanks)


	8. Talks

(Author's Note: Hey I'm sorry it takes so long between chapters, but I'm trying to pack for college and spend time with my friends before I leave.

Many of you have mentioned spelling mistakes, and I know there are some. I read over them, but I'm dyslexic so something right to me is wrong to everyone else. Please don't rag on me to much about it.

Anyway, he's the next chapter…)

**

* * *

Chapter Eight: Talks**

Both men had ended up falling asleep where they had been crying. Roger was too scared to face Mark and Mark had no idea what he was suppose to do.

Roger hide in his room the rest of the day and Mark knew if anything was going to be said between the two of them, he would have to start it. Sighing, Mark slowly walked to Roger's door and knocked. There was no answer so Mark tried again, this time louder. Once again, no reply.

"Roger." Mark called through the door. Roger refused to answer him. He didn't want to face Mark right now. "Roger, please. I need to talk to you, don't ignore me, please." Mark called through the door.

Roger knew he couldn't ignore Mark any longer seeing as he lived with him. Roger walked to the door and opened it. Mark was standing right on the other side of the door frame.

"What?" Roger asked. There was no answer from Mark for Mark's lips were on his own. He was taken aback at first, but soon melted into Mark's touch and kissed him back.

Mark wrapped his arms around Roger's neck while Roger's arms were snaked around Mark's waist. Mark had put his shirt back on, but neither of them was thinking about what had happened to led to this moment.

The two pulled away from one another so they could breath. Mark's face held a smile that Roger hadn't seen in years. It was a genuine happy smile. The first and last time Roger saw that smile was when Roger had called Mark his best friend. Mark had been so happy to hear those words come from Roger's mouth. And here it was, for the second time, Roger had caused Mark to smile like that.

"Mark, I—" Roger began but Mark stopped him.

"Thank you." Two little words that could mean so much… had confused Roger.

"What?" Roger asked. He really had no idea why Mark was saying thanks. What could Roger have done to deserver thanks? "Why are you thanking me?" he asked with confusion burning in his eyes.

"For telling me how you feel. I never would have believed you if you didn't tell me. I never would have believed that there was someone out there for me, until you told me everything and kissed me. I realize now that you are the one for me, I've just been too scared to say anything since I thought you were still getting over Mimi and straight." Mark said with a smile on his face.

"I don't know what I am, but I do know that I'm over Mimi. Yes, I loved her and was hurt when she died, but she never meant the same to me as you do." Roger said as he looked Mark in the eyes, his ice blue eyes.

"What do you mean?" Mark questioned. He had always known that he and Roger were friends, but he didn't know what his friendship actually meant something to Roger.

As if he was reading Mark's mind, Roger replied. "You're friendship has meant the world to me. You were always there for me no matter what happened. I don't know why it took so long to realize that I've been in love you since my withdrawal. You cared for me when everyone else would have left and you believed in me when no one else did. I just never realized that what I felt toward you was more then just friendship." Roger said. Mark looked at Roger and was trying his best to hold back his tears.

"I've always believed in you. I've always trusted you and I never gave up on you because I cared too much about you. You're my best friend and I would never leave you." Mark said.

"But you will leave." Roger said. He couldn't help it, a single tear slid down his face. Mark reached up and brushed it away.

"I know that, but I never left when it meant the most. And I will try my best to stay with you as long as I can." Mark said. Roger smiled and pulled Mark into a hug.

"Thank you" Roger said as he held Mark close and kissed the top of his head.

"So does this make us more than just friends and roommates?" Mark asked as a smile spread across his face.

"I believe it does, Mark. I truly believe it does." Roger said as he kissed Mark once again. Mark was finally truly happy and Roger kept his promise of making Mark's wishes come true before he left this world.

"I love you, Rog." Mark said as he was lost to Roger's touch.

"I love you too, Mark." Roger said as he held Mark close.

Later that day Roger sat by the window playing guitar while Mark was asleep on the couch. It didn't take much to wear Mark out, but seeing as he had to go to work tomorrow morning for a few hours, he was sleeping. Roger smiled at Mark's sleeping form as he continued to play.

A sudden thought came to Roger. He put his guitar down and when into his room to the grab the notebook he had had on the bus. He turned to the page he had been writing on and underneath the crossed out words he re-wrote 'You're all I've ever wanted.'

Roger continued to write a few more things down, but stopped when Mark began to wake up. Roger was going to write one good song before Mark left him, and it would be Mark's song. He put the notebook away and walked over to Mark.

"Hey sleepy." Roger said as he looked down at mark.

"Hi, what time is it?" Mark asked through his yawn. Roger looked over at the clock on the wall in the kitchen before answering.

"5:30, do you want something to eat?" Roger asked as grabbed onto Mark's hands and pulled him into a sitting position on the couch.

"Sure, but what is there?" Mark asked. He wasn't sure there was even food in the house at this point in time.

"Well, there's… um… you know, I have no idea." Roger said with a smile. Mark just laughed a him.

"That's okay, I'll get some food before I come home after work tomorrow." Mark said. Roger sat down next to the filmmaker and looked at him.

"How about you come home first and then depending on how you feel either we'll both go or you take a nap and I go." Roger said. Mark nodded his head as he yawned again.

"That'll work." Mark said. He leaned over and rested his head on Roger's shoulder. Roger wrapped his arm around him much like he had done at the Cohen's this past weekend. Mark closed his eyes and almost fell asleep again. He was happy and safe in Roger's arms that he was relaxed that he almost nodded off again.

"Mark, I love you and all, but you need to go take a shower and go to bed. You've slept most of the day, but if you're working tomorrow, you might as well go to sleep now." Roger said.

"Okay." Mark yawned yet again before getting up and going to the bathroom. He closed the door and Roger heard the water turn on. Roger went back to the window and wrote some more lyrics. Mark returned from the bathroom in just a towel, but instead of going to his room, he walked over to Roger.

Mark wrapped his arms around Roger's neck. Roger, who was still sitting by the window writing, looked up into the ice blue eyes of his filmmaker. Mark leaned down and kissed Roger. Roger dropped his notebook and pen and wrapped his arms around Mark's naked torso.

Roger pulled away from the kiss and looked at Mark. Water was dripping from Mark's hair into Roger's jeans, but he didn't care. "You need to go to bed." Roger said to the almost naked filmmaker in front of him.

"I was going there, I just came to say goodnight." Mark said. Roger softly kissed Mark again.

"Good night." Roger said. Mark pulled away from Roger and then headed into his bedroom with the door closed all the way behind him. Roger sighed before picking his pen and notebook back up. He closed it and took it to his room. Roger laid down on his bed as he looked at the ceiling. _'I'm glad I finally told him'_ Roger thought to himself before he drifted off to sleep.

----

Over the next few weeks Mark and Roger took things slow. They really cared for each other and that's really all that mattered to either to them. Their relationship wasn't about sex; it was about love and each other. They would do a few little things here and there for each other to show their continued love, but nothing big.

No one else knew that Mark and Roger were together, not even Mark's mother, and no one else knew that Mark was sick. He was trying to keep it quiet because he didn't want things to change between him and friends. He mainly didn't want Maureen to fuss over him; Roger did that enough on some days.

One afternoon neither Mark nor Roger had to work. Roger had gotten a job bartending and giving guitar lessons. He wasn't fond of the bartending job, but it brought in money, and his guitar lessons were few and far between, so he needed another job in between those times.

Mark was laying on the couch with his eyes closed as he listened to Roger play. He was sitting by the window just playing random chords and some random songs that came to his mind. Roger wasn't doing anything constructive; he was just messing around on his guitar.

"Hey Rog." Mark called from the couch. Roger stopped playing to listen to Mark talk to him.

"Yes?" Roger asked.

"I have a question." Mark said again. He was now looking up at the ceiling. Roger put his guitar down and walked over to the couch. He leaned over the back of the couch and looked down and Mark. Mark looked away from the ceiling and up at Roger.

"And what question would that be?" Roger asked as he smiled down at Mark.

"You said you started to like me during your withdrawal, why?" Mark asked. Roger looked at him for a moment before moving around the couch to go sit next to Mark. Mark sat up so Roger could sit down where Mark's head had been before both turned to face each other.

"When you would hold me close and run your fingers through my hair and tell me everything would be alright. I just began to feel differently towards you. I felt safe and believed everything you told me even if I knew deep down that it wouldn't be alright. Hell, there would even be days when I was fine, but I would still cry and act upset just so you would hold me. I self safe in your arms and it was the only way that I could be held close by you without you acting weird about it." Roger said. Mark just looked at Roger. He had a blank expression on his face and Roger had no idea what Mark was thinking.

"You would spend nights crying just so I would hold you?" Mark asked. He wasn't sure he believed that or not. It was cute, but it didn't sound very Roger-ish.

"Yes, cheesy I know, but I felt more towards you then I ever did with April. I did love April, but it was nothing like the love I was beginning to feel towards you. At first I thought it was just a strong brotherly type love, but I began to realize that it was more then that. It was actual love." Roger said. Mark smiled and moved closer to Roger. Roger reached out and pulled Mark close to him. He knew his time with Mark was limited, and he wanted every moment with him that he could. Mark loved the feeling of being wrapped in Roger's arms, but something was still bugging him.

"So then why was there Mimi if you cared so much for me? And why did you tell me that you accepted Maureen if you would've rather I had never been with her?" Mark asked. They broke apart from one another so Mark could look at Roger while he spoke.

"I never thought we would ever be together so I accept Maureen seeing as she made you happy. I wanted to kill her when she cheated on you and broke your heart, but I didn't show it. I joked around about it like everyone else did. Mimi just kind of showed up in my life and everyone, even you, kept telling me to go with her, so I did. I pushed everything else I was feeling aside to make you happy and finally got out of the loft." Roger said.

Mark didn't say anything, he was just quiet. He didn't know what to say.

"Mark, I love you more than anything else. I wasn't going to tell you because I was afraid to hurt you, but that night things got out of hand. I realized if I didn't tell you then I could end up losing you for good."

"I'm glad you told me that night." Mark told Roger.

"I'm glad I did too, and I was right, wasn't I?" Roger asked.

Mark nodded his head. "You were right. You were extremely right, and I am glad that you were." Mark said.

"Me too" Roger said.

Roger reached forward and grabbed Mark under the arms and attempted to pull him towards him. But because of how Mark's legs were it didn't work as well as Roger had hoped and he had fallen backwards on the couch pulling Mark on top of him.

Roger and Mark both laughed at how Roger's attempt to do whatever it was he was planning on doing had failed. Roger reached up and pulled Mark's head down towards him and kissed him passionately on the lips. Mark willingly returned the favor. As they kissed Roger's hand moved down Mark's side and towards him hips. He then pulled Mark's body closer to him which caused Mark's arm to collapse. His arms had been the only thing holding him up but when Roger pulled him down his arms gave way and he fell the few inches on top of Roger. Mark then wrapped his arms around the back of Roger's neck and Roger ran his hands up and down Mark's back.

Mark had suddenly squirmed when Roger's hands had run over his sides. Roger broke their kiss and smiled at Mark. "Mark, are you ticklish?" Roger asked with an evil grin.

"No" Mark said but squirmed as Roger ran his fingers lightly over Mark's sides again.

"Oh, but I think you are." Roger said as he tickled Mark's sides. Mark tried to get up and get away, but when he got up Roger pulled him back down and this time Roger was on top of Mark and he wasn't going anywhere.

"Rog" he tried to say but he laughed in between every syllable "er—please—stop!" Mark cried.

"I don't think so, this is too much fun." Roger said as poked Mark in the side and ticked him. Mark kept gasping for breath since he was laughing so hard. After a while Roger finally stopped and Mark was able to breath. He inhaled and exhaled quickly trying to catch his breath, but before he had even caught it Roger leaned down on him and kissed him. Mark had to push him off or he was going to suffocate.

Just then the phone rang yet neither moved to answer it. Mark lay under Roger still trying to catch his breath and Roger was just happy that he could hold and kiss Mark anytime he wanted to now. Finally the two heard the familiar "SPEEEEEEAK" from the phone.

"Mark! Roger! Stop screening your calls. I know you two are up. It's past 10 already so at least Mark is up. Come on will someone pick up the phone. Come on boys! Answer the phone alr—"

"Hello Maureen." Roger said rather irritated, as he had answered the phone just to get her to shut up.

"Finally, good lord, what were you two doing? Anyway, how would you two like to join us tonight at the Life around 8 o'clock? Collins is coming and I know you three haven't seen each other in a while." Maureen said through the phone.

"Let me ask Mark. I don't know if he has to work or not." Roger said then turned to Mark who was now sitting on the couch and had caught his breath. "Mark, if you don't have to work Maureen wants us to join her, Joanne, and Collins at the Life. Do you want to go?" Roger asked.

"Sure, I might as well enjoy my last few months by having fun." Mark said. Roger suddenly remembered that the others didn't know about Mark.

"Yeah Maureen, we'll join you guys. See you at 8 then." Roger said.

"Goodie, bye Roger" She said and hung up the phone. Roger put the phone down and then went to sit down next to Mark. He looked at his best friend and waited for him to say something. He didn't so Roger decided to.

"When are you going to tell them?" Roger asked. Mark tried to avoid Roger's stare but knew it was useless.

"I don't know. I don't really want them to know yet. I didn't even want you to know, but look where we are now." Mark said.

"We've gone through hell at your parents' house, fights between us, and in the end we ended up happy." Roger responded.

"Yeah, you're right again, we are happy." Mark said with a smile. "I just don't want to tell them yet, and I don't want them to know about us yet either." He said.

"I think we've done a good job so far keeping it from everyone, even your mother." Roger said.

"My mom is too nosey sometimes. I'm just glad she doesn't know yet." Mark said.

"We're going to have to tell her and everyone else eventually." Roger said.

"I know, but not now. Soon, but not yet." Mark said

"And when you decide too, I will be there for you." Roger said

"Thanks." Mark said. He went over to Roger and hugged him. Roger kissed the top of Mark's head and held him close.

"Anything to make you happy." Roger said.

"I will tell them, I promise, just not yet, not now." Mark said. Roger just nodded his head as he held Mark.

Roger and Mark sat back down on the couch and before long, both had fallen asleep. They still had a few hours before going to meet everyone at the Life and besides that Mark was tired so why not take a nap?

* * *

(Author's note: Well there you go, chapter eight. I was trying my hardest to get Roger's family into this story, but there just doesn't seem to be a place to put them, so maybe they will be in another story. I have a few other stories started, but I don't know if I'm going to post them any time soon seeing as I'm going to college soon. If they are one shots then yes I will.

I have a few chapters already written now, I just have to go and edit them, so the next chapter should be up sooner.

I love reviews and I love my reviews even more… :-D)


	9. Life Cafe

(Author's Note: Sorry it took so long, I was packing for college and now I am moved into my dorm. Updating this now depends on my classes and how much time I have.

Sorry if Roger and Mark were a little out of character, I was just caught up in writing it, I didn't think about their character much. The same probably happened with this chapter.

Enough talking, here's the next chapter)

**Chapter Nine: Life Café **

At 7:50 that night Mark was waiting on the couch as Roger finished up in the bathroom. They lived only a few minutes from the Life Café, but neither of them really wanted to go out tonight, but there was no getting out of it now. They would have both been happy to just stay at home and catch up on the talking that they hadn't done in a while. Finally Roger came out of the bathroom and looked at Mark sitting on the couch. Mark's back was to the bathroom door and Mark hadn't noticed Roger come out of the bathroom. Roger walked up behind Mark and kissed the top of his head and he wrapped his arms around Mark's chest. "Ready?" he asked.

Mark tilled his head back and looked at Roger. "Yep" he said. Roger leaned over and gently kissed him before letting go to walk toward to the door. Mark got up off the couch and followed Roger out the door. They walked down the stairs and both boys stopped when they got to the door that once belonged to Mimi. Roger couldn't help but look to the ground and think about how Mimi was taken before her time. Mark placed a hand on Roger's shoulder. "You miss her, don't you?" he asked.

"Yeah I do miss her." Roger said. Mark removed his hand and began to walk down the stairs. Roger left behind the memories of his past and quickly ran after Mark and stopped him. "Just because I miss her doesn't mean it changes how I feel about you. I was with her and I still loved you. Yes I loved Mimi, but the love I have for you is stronger. Don't think that a memory from my past is going to replace you. It never will." Roger said. He was afraid that he might lose Mark due to Mimi's memory.

"I know it won't. I just figured that you wanted some time to remember things on your own. I would have gone a head without you and just told them that you would be coming in a while. I wasn't thinking that Mimi meant more to you. I know you better than that, you always show your feelings to the person you are with. I just know that if someone I was with died, I would want time to remember them by myself." Mark said.

"You always understand, yet you're so complicated that no one can understand you." Roger said.

"It's a gift." Mark said with a smile. Roger smiled at him and then kissed him.

"Yet I understand you. I wish I would have told you a long time ago how I felt. There would have been more time between us instead of these few months looming on our shoulders." Roger said. He was upset about the fact that there were only five months left for him and Mark to be together.

"I've had the past who knows how many years with you, but now its more physical then just wishful hoping. We've had as much time as we wanted, it just took us that time to realize how much we needed each other." Mark told Roger.

"You amaze me sometimes. Even with the pain, both physical and emotional, that I've put you through, you look at it like a good thing. I just don't get it. I've hurt you in more ways than one and here you are telling me that everything is fine. I understand why you always hide everything now." Roger said.

"You don't really understand me at all yet, but maybe one day soon you'll understand and know everything about me. Now come on, we are going to be late as it is." Mark said and headed down the rest of the stairs and then out the door. They walked down the street about six blocks before coming close to the entrance of the Life Café. Mark stopped Roger before either was close enough to be seen from the windows.

"What now? I'm starving." Roger said with a slight annoyance in his voice.

"Remember, nothing and I mean _nothing_ about me or us. I'll go and sit next to Maureen and you can sit next to Collins. Nothing can give us away. I don't want them to know yet." Mark said with a sense of urgency in his voice. Roger let out a small laugh before putting his hands on Mark's shoulders and dragging him into the side alley.

"I promise that nothing will happen to give anything away. I won't say a word about anything that has happened and I'll make stuff up if asked. You were out filming today and I was at home playing guitar as always. Make up whatever you want about filming and I'll do that same. They won't know until you want them to. You can kick me if I get close to saying something that you don't want and I'll shut up. I promise." Roger said.

"I know you do and I trust with my all my heart, but I just had to make sure." Mark said as he looked to the ground instead of at Roger like he had been doing.

"It's okay. I'll be good I promise. Now come on let's go." Roger said before trying to leave, but Mark pulled him back. "What?" Roger asked but that was quickly answered by Mark's lips coming in contact with him own.

Roger kissed back before pulling them apart. "Come on, they have to be wondering where we are. You know Maureen will flip out if we don't show up soon and she'll start going on about how we ditched them. And I know you don't want to put up with that." Roger said as a smile played across his face.

"You're right, I don't." Mark said. Roger kissed him one more time and they both walked out of the alley way and into the Life Café.

Mark and Roger noticed their small group of friends sitting in a far back corner. They walked up to the table and just as Roger had predicted Maureen was flipping out. "I thought you guys weren't going to come, or that something had happened on your way here. I was getting worried, are you both okay? What happened?" she said wigging out on both of them. Mark just laughed at the fact that Roger was right. Joanne had pulled Maureen back into her seat to get her to shut up. Roger slid in next to Collins like he said he would (only after Mark told him to) and Mark slid in next to Maureen. She was still fussing over them being late.

"Mo, chill out!" Roger yelled at her. She had been going on for almost five minutes and it was beginning to drive him insane.

"We're fine Maureen. We just lost track of time and I had gotten home late. I forgot we were coming to meet you guys here and I stayed out filming longer than I meant to. Roger had to wait for me as I got ready. It's my fault we're late, but stop worrying, we are here now, so calm down." Mark said. Maureen turned from Mark and looked at Roger.

"He's right. We lost track of time." Roger said. Maureen, feeling satisfied, sat down. She finally had stopped talking, which was a recent concept for her being as she always liked to be the center of attention.

"So Mark, how's your filming going? You still working at Buzzline?" Collins asked after he set down his glass of water. Collins had been away working and this was the first time since he had told Mark to go to a doctor that he had come home. They really missed Collins being around, but they understood why he didn't want to come around as often anymore when he was away working. They respected that, but were happy when he was in town.

"Yeah my soul is still sold to devil. I won't be getting that back until either I quit or die, who knows which will come first. Sometimes I think dying would be easier, I wouldn't have to deal with Alexi always wanting something if I wasn't here. Besides that my films aren't really coming together. I just don't know what it's missing, but I can't find anything important enough to film these days. Who knows, maybe something will come to me sooner or later. Hopefully sooner then later." Mark said. He avoided all eye contact with Roger while he was talking. He knew that talking about him dying was hard on Roger, but he had to act normal and as far as everyone else knew he was suppose to out live them all, at least Collins and Roger that was.

"Well, everyone has their moments. Look at Roger, he's been having the same moment for a few months if not years." Collins said while nudging Roger in the side. They all laughed, even Roger.

"Yeah, well I don't think I'm in a moment anymore. I just had some new inspiration hit me the other day." Roger said. Mark and Roger both knew what that was, but it wasn't the other day, it was after their fight almost a month ago.

"Well good for you Roger. You have so much talent and I'd hate to see it go to waste. I think Mimi and Angel would hate it too." Joanne said and everyone agreed. Angel would hate to see Roger's talent at guitar die and Mimi wouldn't want Roger to give up on life, but Roger hoped that Angel and Mimi knew what his new inspiration was and that it was Mark.

"So Collins, how has college been treating you?" Mark asked after everyone had ordered their food. Maureen had gotten a salad with blue cheese dressing and a coke. Joanne ordered a Cesar salad and an ice tea. Collins and Roger both ordered hamburgers. Roger had gotten cheese, lettuce, onion, and ketchup with a coke while Collins got the works and a beer. Mark on the other hand ordered chicken fingers and an ice tea. Mark, as usual, wasn't hungry but he figured he would make Roger happy and eat anyway.

"Well besides the fact that half of my students dislike the subject and only took it as an extra course to reach their requirements, I'd say its fine. I don't have you guys there to keep me sane and I feel alone sometimes, but I know Angel is with me wherever I am. I wish I could be around you all more often, but besides the fact of work you all know why I don't come back as I should" Collins replied to Mark's question.

"Yeah Collins, we know and we understand." Joanne said. She was always the reasonable one of their little family. Granted their family was slowly falling apart and getting smaller, but it was still a family none the less.

"So, Mark did you ever go to the doctor like I told you?" Collins asked. Mark quickly looked at Roger before looking at Collins.

"um… yeah, it was just a cold. I had been outside so much that weekend with my family." Mark lied. It was the best thing he could come up with last minute.

"Roger, is that true?" Collins asked. Collins knew Roger wouldn't lie to him and if he did he could tell and he would kick his ass for it.

"Yeah, I made him go the next day. It was just the common cold." Roger said. Collins looked at him for a moment before believing Roger and turning back to talk to the girls.

"Thanks" Mark mouthed over to Roger. He just nodded his head in agreement.

After a while of talking and reliving the past, their food finally came. Everyone was enjoying their food and the company when suddenly Roger started to flip out.

"Ew! Ew! Ew!" he cried as he spit something out of his mouth into a napkin. He had been hit over the head too many times by Mimi for just spitting things out of his mouth.

"What?" Maureen asked as she saw the disgusted face he made. Turns out they had put pickles on his hamburger by mistake and everyone knew that Roger hates pickles with a passion. Everyone laughed at Roger and his 'pickle incident'. Mark had taken the pickles from Roger and just to despite Roger he ate them. Mark greatly enjoyed pickles and would eat them in front of Roger just to spite him.

"How can you eat those? That's just nasty." Roger said to Mark as Mark shoved another pickle in his mouth.

"Simple, I just put it in my mouth and chew and I only do it to annoy you." Mark said. Mark had always made fun of Roger for not liking pickles and everyone else thought it was funny how Mark always tormented Roger with them. Roger shuddered as Mark ate another one.

"You're going to make me sick." Roger said as he acted like he was going to vomit.

"Fine, just don't do it at the table" Mark said before laughing at the face that Roger made. Collins, Maureen, and Joanne laughed at the weird things these two best friends did to spite the other one. After the whole pickle fiasco was over they all went back to talking and enjoying each others company.

"So Maureen, will we be seeing any protests anytime soon?" Collins asked after he had finished his food.

"Not anytime soon. Besides Pookie tells me that there isn't anything big at the moment to protest so you'll just have to wait." Maureen said, "But I'll let you know when something comes up."

"Well, just keep me informed." Collins said. He needed a good laugh and watching one of Maureen's protests always did the trick for him.

Joanne then started to tell everyone about how she just had to deal with a case where the man was being tried for streaking in a neighborhood park which just happened to be the field day for the elementary school down the street. No one was really following the case, but it was something to listen to as everyone else finished eating.

It was almost 11 o'clock when everyone was finished eating and all that could be said at the time was said. They all paid and then headed out the door. Once outside the Life Café hugs were exchanged. Everyone said their goodbyes before heading off towards their homes. Joanne and Maureen headed up the street toward Joanne's apartment, which was in the nicer part of town. Roger and Mark had offered Collins to come stay with them, but he declined and headed across to the street to the place he was staying at whenever he came home. Finally Roger and Mark headed down the street back to the loft.

They walked the familiar six blocks to the loft. They had walked it many times in the past five years of living in New York, Mark more than Roger, but they both knew it well. Mark and Roger headed up the stairs and into the loft. Mark took his shoes off and then went over to lie down on the couch. Roger came in a few minutes later since he had stopped by Mimi's apartment to remember a few things before heading up to loft after Mark. Roger also took his shoes off by the door and looked at Mark lying on the couch. He walked over and crawled on top of Mark.

"And who said you could join me here?" Mark said in a teasing type of manner. Roger just looked at him as a sly smile played on his lips.

"I did, is there a problem with that?" Roger asked as he looked into Mark's blue eyes. Mark shook his head as he reached up to play with Roger's hair.

"Nope, no problem" Mark said. He was running his hands through Roger's hair. Roger smiled as he looked at the small framed man beneath him.

"Good" He said as Mark continued to play with his hair. Mark then leaned up to kiss Roger, but he was stopped.

"What?" Mark asked.

"You just ate pickles and you expect me to kiss you?" Roger said. Mark cracked up laughing and ended up pulling Roger into a kiss anyway. Roger flipped out and pushed Mark away.

"Ew! Nasty! Go brush your teeth!" Roger cried out as he pointed towards the bathroom. Mark laughed again, but got up from under Roger and headed into the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and then headed back to the couch. He laid back down and Roger returned from the kitchen. Roger leaned down and kissed Mark. Mark wrapped his arms around Roger's back and pulled him closer. Roger let his weight rest on Mark as he put his arms around Mark. Mark ran his hands up and down Roger's back, spin, and sides as they kissed. Roger pulled away and looked at Mark.

"Much better." Roger said with a smiled on his face. "You have no idea how much I wanted to do that after we left the Life. It took all I had to not pull you into a side alley, but I like this better." Roger said. He leaned down but Mark stopped him.

"I thought you wouldn't kiss me because I ate pickles" Mark said.

"I'll get it over it." Roger said as he leaned down and kissed Mark again. Mark parted his lips and allowed Roger's tongue to enter his mouth. Mark was blown away by how passionate Roger had made the kiss. As they were kissing Mark felt something down by his crotch and he couldn't help but want to laugh. He never pictured Roger as the type of person to get turned on so easily by kissing.

"Roger" Mark started to say as he pulled away from the kiss.

"Huh?" Roger asked. He didn't want the kiss the end, but he figured he would answer Mark in hopes of getting back to what they were doing.

"Are you overly happy about this?" Mark asked as he tried to hold back his laughter. Roger just blushed and looked away from Mark's eyes. He had gotten so caught up in their kiss that he didn't realize that the rest of his body was telling him other things. Mark just laughed and kissed Roger's forehead. "It's fine, I just couldn't help but bring it up." Mark said as he chuckled a little. Roger looked back at him and smiled. Roger poked Mark in the side and Mark squirmed at Roger's touch. Roger then pulled Mark back into a kiss. Roger had taken Mark by sure prize and this time it was Roger who felt something. Roger smiled as they kissed and pushed his lower half into Mark and Mark pushed back to return the notion.

They pulled apart from the kiss and Roger ran a hand through Mark's hair. "See, you're the same way." Roger said as he laughed at Mark.

"Yes, but you're much easier to turn on then I am." Mark said. It was true. Roger was turned on by a lot of things, Mark, not so much.

Mark and Roger just stayed on the couch together. It wasn't until Mark started to yawn did either of them feel tired. Mark had to push Roger off so he could go to bed. Mark had taken his shirt and pants off before crawling into his bed. He set his glasses on the box that sat next to his bed and closed his eyes. Right as he was about to fall asleep there was a knock on the door.

"Come in, Roger" Mark said. Roger walked into the room and then closed the door behind him. Mark was too tired to wonder what Roger was doing, but when he felt Roger crawl in next to him, Mark knew what Roger wanted. Mark moved over some and then rolled over to face Roger. "You know, you have your own room and bed." Mark said.

"I know, but your room is better." Roger said as he looked at Mark.

"And why would that be?" Mark asked, but he was pretty sure he knew the answer that was coming.

"Because you're in here" Roger replied. Yep, Mark was right. Roger wrapped his arms around Mark's body. Mark returned the favor and wrapped his arms around Roger. Both were in only their boxers, but Mark's small figure felt right against Roger's larger figure. Mark snuggled in next to Roger and rested his head against Roger's chest. Roger kissed the top of Mark's head before resting his head against Mark's. Before long both Mark and Roger were sound asleep as they were wrapped in each other's arms.

(Author's note: Well there is the chapter. Sorry if they are out of character, and if there are any mistakes. I will try to update again soon. Thanks for reading, now please review.)


	10. Breakfast

(Author's Note: Sorry it took so long, I am at college and finding time to write is impossible sometimes. I will try to write as often as I can. Sadly I think this story might come to a close here shortly. I am slowly running out of ideas for it and the ones that I do have, I don't know to put it. I also have three different endings for this story and I have no idea what I am going to use… Well enough of that… here is the next chapter)  
**  
**

**Chapter Ten: Breakfast**

The next morning Roger woke with a new feeling. It was a feeling he liked; Mark wrapped in his arms. This time he didn't have to worry about Mark waking up and trying to take off like he had the day Roger found out he was sick. Roger was happy about that. He kissed the top of Mark's head before snuggling back down against him and falling back asleep. Roger never wanted this to end, but unfortunately all good things must come to an end. He was glad that this good thing had at least four months before things started to fall apart.

Mark woke up to having Roger snuggling close to him. He loved the feel of having someone close to him and having it be someone who loved him. It wasn't like all the other times when he woke up next to Roger. That had been when it was Roger needing to be held so he wouldn't hurt himself or to be reassured that he was safe and not alone and that someone cared. This time it was because Roger wanted to be next to him and he wanted Roger there.

He loved how he could feel Roger's breath as he exhaled. Roger's head was still resting on his and he was still resting against Roger's chest. Mark moved his head slowly and careful so he wouldn't wake Roger. Mark moved a little in Roger's arms so that their heads were closer to being the same level. Mark reached up and played with Roger's hair. Roger didn't move very much, but he made a slight movement. Mark then leaned in and started to kiss Roger's neck. Slight moans started to come from Roger and Mark could tell he was enjoying it. Mark then blew lightly into Roger's ear and Roger moaned some more. Mark couldn't help but want to laugh.

He held back his laughter and went back to kissing Roger's neck. Roger moved and stirred slightly to the pleasure he was receiving with this. Mark then moved and kissed Roger on the lips. This fully woke Roger and he kissed back and pulled Mark on top of him. Roger wrapped his arms tightly around Mark and kissed him back. They pulled apart and looked at each other. "I take it as you enjoyed that?" Mark said as Roger was still trying to wake up. Roger just nodded his head. "I figured." Mark said and kissed Roger again. Mark rolled off Roger and then sat up in bed. Roger just rolled over to look at him.

"Why are we up so early?" Roger asked as he had moved Mark's wrist so he could see the time. It was 7:30 in the morning and that was too early for Roger and even Mark for that matter, to get up on a typical Saturday. Roger had moved so he was closer to Mark even thought Mark was sitting Indian style on the bed.

"Trust me, I would love to just lay back down and go back to sleep next to you, but I have to work today. I'll be home early this afternoon so that's a plus." Mark said. He bent down and kissed Roger on the forehead. Roger was already starting to go back to sleep. Mark crawled out of bed and put the covers back around Roger. Roger was already back a sleep and Mark just laughed. He grabbed some clothes and headed to the bathroom.

Mark took off his boxers and then jumped into the shower. He hadn't had time for one yesterday, well he could have had time but he never made any. Once he was done he dressed and then headed back to his room. He put his dirty boxers in the dirty clothes pile in his room and walked over to his bed. He grabbed his glasses and looked down at Roger. He bent over and kissed him before grabbing his things and heading out the door. He really didn't want to go to work, but they needed the money and Mark was still well enough to work.

Mark returned home around 1:30 that afternoon. Roger was in the kitchen eating when Mark came in through the door. He dropped his bag and slowly made his way over to the couch. Mark fell onto the couch and almost instantly fell asleep.

Roger put his dishes in the sink before sitting on the floor next to couch. Mark was already asleep when Roger sat down. Whatever work Mark had done at work that morning had completely worn him out.

Carefully as he could, Roger removed Mark's shoes and then placed a blanket over his sleeping form. Roger then grabbed his guitar and headed out onto the roof. He wanted to work more of his song for Mark without waking him up.

Mark woke hours later to see Roger sitting at the table just like he had when he came home. "I must not have been a sleep for very long." He said more to himself than anything else.

"You've been asleep for four hours, how's that not very long?" Roger asked.

"You've been sitting there the whole time?" Mark asked. Roger grabbed his drink and sat down on the floor next to Mark.

"No, I've been on the roof playing, and in my room reading, and I finally came out here to get something to drink. I was just in the same place when you fell asleep as you were when you woke up." Roger said.

"Oh" Mark yawned as he rubbed his eyes under his glasses. "Do we have anything to eat?" Mark asked.

"Um… I'm sure I can find something." Roger said. He stood up and headed into the kitchen. He looked around, but the only thing he found was cereal. "We have cheerio's" Roger said as he held up the box.

Mark just chuckled before standing up and moving into the kitchen. "That's fine." Mark said as he grabbed a bowl and the milk from the fridge. After eating his cereal, he went into his room and changed into a t-shirt and a pair of sweats.

"Feel any better?" Roger asked as Mark came over to him and stood in front of him.

"Some" Mark said as he wrapped his arms around Roger's neck. Roger put his cup down, the same one he had when Mark woke up, and then snaked his arms around Mark's waist.

"Why don't you go to bed? You still look sleepy and I don't want you getting sick again." Roger said.

"Yes mommy." Mark said.

"Good boy." Roger smiled at Mark. He gently kissed Mark good-night before Mark headed into his room to sleep. Roger would join him when he got tired, but at 6 he was hardly tired.

It was becoming a normal thing every time that Mark worked. He would come home, sleep, eat, change clothes, talk to Roger, who would kiss him good-night and send him to bed. Roger didn't see much of Mark on the days that he worked, but he knew the next day he would up and ready to do something. After a day of work, the next day was spent with Roger.

Roger was beginning to get use to this whole routine that was going on. He loved Mark dearly and his determination to not give up, but Roger was afraid that Mark would get sick and he was scared shitless of Mark dying.

Roger changed his clothes and then crawled into bed next to Mark. As soon as he had laid down Mark had snuggled in next to him. Before long Roger was asleep.

Roger woke the next morning to a smell that had never before been in the loft. He hadn't smelt it since before he graduated high school. He loved the smell and it could only belong to his favorite breakfast food: bacon.

He quickly got out of bed and walked out of Mark's room to see Mark in the kitchen cooking. There was actually food in the loft for the first time in ages. Roger walked into the kitchen and snaked his arms around Mark's waist. He kissed Mark's neck as Mark cooked scrambled eggs.

"Where did we get the food from?" Roger asked.

"I got paid yesterday, but I was too tired to go after work, so I got up early this morning while you were sleeping." Mark said.

"Do you want any help?" Roger asked. His arms were still around Mark's waist.

"Get out plates." Mark said. Roger let him go and grabbed two cleans plates and handed them to Mark. Mark filled them with scrambled eggs and bacon before putting them on the table. Roger filled two mugs with coffee and put them next to the plates. Mark grabbed forks and both men sat down to eat their first real breakfast in years.

"This is amazing, Mark." Roger said as he ate his bacon.

"I knew you'd loved it so I couldn't help but get it. I just hope you don't want it again for a while." Mark said with a smile. Roger looked at him. "Don't worry; I didn't spend that much on it. I don't like cooking it, it takes too long." Mark laughed.

Mark and Roger enjoyed their meal while in each other's company.

(Author's note: there is the next chapter. Sorry if they are out of character, but that's just how it worked for me while I was writing.

I am currently stuck. I have no idea where to go with this story. I don't know if I should add more or just skip a few months and go to more dramatic stuff… If anyone has any idea what I should do next, that would be great… Thanks!)


	11. The News

(Author's Note: I know it's been a month since I last updated, but I'm having a really hard time at college right now and finding time to write more is just hard. I didn't spend much time editing it do I hope there aren't too many mistakes.)

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Chapter Eleven: The News**

Mark and Roger went to the park after breakfast. They hadn't spent a day with just each other in a while. Mark had his camera as always but Roger had taken it from him. So Roger now held the camera and started acting like Mark.

"July 9 12:34pm Eastern Standard Time. Here we have Mark Cohen trying to get his camera back." Roger said as he walked backwards while pointing the camera at Mark.

"Very funny, Rog. If you fall I'm going to laugh. If you break my camera, I'm going after your guitar when we get back." Mark said. Roger looked behind him to make sure he wasn't going to run into anything.

"You touch my guitar, and you're sleeping on the couch." Roger laughed.

"One problem with that Rog… we sleep in my room." Mark said. He cracked up laughing as Roger dropped the camera from his face and stopped walking.

"Damn it. I'll think of something." Roger said. Mark cracked up laughing even more.

Mark and Roger spent the rest of the day just goofing off. They received many weird looks and even some disgusted looks from mothers with small children. Roger had pulled Mark toward him and kissed him hard on the lips in front of a women and her child, just to annoy her. She had stomped off in a huff pulling her small child with her.

After a while both men sat down on a bench. Roger leaned back and closed his eyes. Mark sat with his camera and filmed a few children playing on a swing set. "Hey Rog." Mark asked. He set his camera down and looked over at his boyfriend.

"Huh?" Roger groaned with his eyes still closed.

"What are you going to do when I am gone?" Mark questioned. He was looking at the ant that was trying to carry a crumb back to him home. Roger sat up and looked at Mark.

"Miss you." Roger said.

"I know that, but I mean with your life." Mark said. Roger reached over and pulled Mark close to him. Mark leaned his head against Roger's shoulder.

"I don't know. Maybe have Collins move back in. I don't really know. I haven't thought about it much. I don't want my time with you to end." Roger said as he ran his hand up and down Mark's arm.

"But it will."

"I know that. Just like my time with April and Mimi both ended. You can't stop time, but by not thinking about the future, you keep the present here longer." Roger told the filmmaker in his arms. "But, let's not talk about this right now. It's a nice day out and let's not ruin it. We will talk about this, just not now, please."

"Okay, but please think about it Rog."

"I will." Roger kissed the top of Marks head before standing up and pulling Mark with him. "Now, let's go. I'm hungry." Mark laughed and followed Roger out of the park.

The boho boys went to the Life Café to get some food. After eating their food, the two headed back to the loft. They sat down on the couch and before long Mark had fallen asleep in Roger's arms.

Roger lay on the couch holding his sleeping lover next to him. Neither had really wanted to do much that day. So they had sat on the couch talking and before long Mark feel asleep. Roger didn't care, he was happy with just holding Mark in his arms. Roger loved this feeling of being close to someone who truly loved him. He could feel Mark's heart beat and he could hear Mark's breathing and before Roger knew it he was crying. Tears, silent tears, were pouring down his face as he realized that the body in his arms was dying and soon he would no longer be here to hold. Roger couldn't take that thought. He had to clear his mind of the inevitable.

As quietly as he could, Roger removed Mark's arms from around him and he slowly moved away from Mark's body. Roger wrapped the blanket around Mark and quietly left the room. He headed into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was a mess, but he didn't care. His eyes were red and puffy from crying and he looked horrible. Roger turned on the water and splashed cold water on his face. He looked back into the mirror and he still looked the same except now his face was dripping wet and tears were coming from his eyes.

He hated the thought of Mark dying. He hated the thought of being alone. He hated the thought of losing another person he loved, even though this time he believed Mark was his true love, his soul mate. He hated the thought of seeing the tombstone with Mark's name engraved on it. He hated the thought of watching Mark slowly die in a hospital. Roger couldn't do this any longer. His legs would no longer hold him up and he fell to the floor. He curled up into a ball and cried to himself. Mark was dying and he couldn't stand it.

Roger thought back to how he had treated Mark all these years. He had been mean to him during his withdrawal. He had yelled at him about how he wasn't a drug addict. He yelled at Mark to leave him alone. He had taken his anger out at Mark when he was high, or drunk, or in withdrawal, and never once did Mark care. Roger could have killed Mark a thousand times, but still Mark stayed.

Roger didn't even notice when the bathroom door opened and Mark walked in. Roger only noticed Mark's present when he spoke. "Roger, what's wrong?" Mark asked as he placed a hand on Roger's shoulder.

"Please, don't touch me." Roger said through he tears. He had his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms crossed on his knees with his head buried in his arms. His eyes were closed as he cried. Mark removed his hand and was a little taken aback, but Roger had said that to him many times, just without the please. Mark sat down with his knees up to his chest and legs crossed as he looked at Roger.

"Rog, please, talk to me." Mark said. Roger still didn't look at him.

"You're suppose to still be asleep." He said through his tears.

"When I hear you crying, how I am suppose to sleep? I've always come to you when you've cried and I'm not stopping now. Please Rog, talk to me like you use to." Mark said as he pleaded to the man in front of him.

"I'm scared." Roger said before more tears began to fall from his eyes. He couldn't look at Mark. He had no idea why he couldn't, but he just couldn't.

"From what, baby?" Mark asked. He had never called Roger baby before, but he loved him enough to start. Roger still avoided lifting his head because he didn't want Mark to see how vulnerable he was at that moment.

"The future" Roger replied. Mark didn't understand at first, but then it hit him. Roger was scared of Mark becoming weak, of him dying, and lastly, his death. Mark's heart caught in his throat as he watched the man he loved cry over him. He never realized how much he was truly hurting Roger, when it was Roger usually hurting Mark, emotionally and physically.

Mark moved over next to Roger and wrapped his arms around him. Roger moved to hug Mark as he cried into his shoulder. Mark stroked Roger's hair as the musician cried to him. "I'm so sorry Roger. I never wanted to hurt you. I knew I was going to in the end, but I never realized that by getting closer to you meant even more pain to you. If I could go back in time I would never have told you." Mark said as a tear began to fill his eyes. Roger lifted his head and stared at Mark.

"Don't say that. I'm glad you told me."

"But it's hurting you and I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I was so happy for once in my life that I never realized how this would hurt you. I hate seeing you cry and after April and then Mimi hurt you I told myself I never wanted to hurt you, and here you are crying because of me." Mark said. Tears were coming down his face.

"I have never been more happy then I am right now. I am glad to be able to fall asleep in your arms and wake up with you next to me, but I know one day that will end. One day I will wake up without you next to me. I'll wake up to an empty loft and an even emptier heart. But, no matter what happens, I never, _ever_ want to hear you say that you blame yourself. It's not your fault. I'd rather be with you, for however short a time it may be, then to never have been with you." Roger said.

"I'm sorry." Was all Mark could say.

"Don't be, because I will always love you the same, no matter what. I love you more than life itself. It's just that when everything happened years ago, you were suppose to be the one to outlive us all, not die before us." Roger said. He hugged Mark and kissed his forehead.

"Rog, I think it's time that we tell everyone everything; about us, about me dying, about it all." Mark said. Roger looked at him and smiled before he pulled Mark close and hugged him. Mark was going to need him now more than anything.

Roger had finally pushed how he felt aside because Mark needed him. He would talk to Mark more about it later, but Mark was getting ready to tell everyone else what was going on. Roger had called everyone, while Mark was in the shower, and asked them to come over for dinner. They had all agreed and at 6:30 they began to show up.

Collins was the first to arrive with, what else, Stoli. He always brought alcohol to the loft whenever he came, but little did Collins know that no one would be in the mood to drink that night. Collins went into the kitchen to help Mark finish making dinner while Roger set the table for all six of them. Roger had even called Benny and he had agreed to show up. Allison was getting on Benny's nerves at this point in time and he was happy for the invite.

Maureen and Joanne showed up about fifteen minutes after Collins. They had brought dessert with them. It was just homemade brownies, but Mark thanked them a lot for bringing them. Moments later Benny arrived with a few things for Mark and Roger for the loft. He was still trying to make up for being ass even though everyone forgave him, even Roger.

They all sat down for dinner and everyone talked everyone except Mark. He was still trying to figure out how to tell them. Collins brought Mark out of his thoughts and back to reality. "So Mark, how's your film going?" Collins asked.

"Okay. I haven't had much time to work on it. I've been busy working lately, so it's been pushed aside." Mark told Collins. Everyone went back to eating and Roger gave Mark a caring look as he squeezed Mark's hand under the table.

Once dinner was over and Mark and Roger had cleaned up the kitchen, everyone sat in the living room area of the loft. Mark, Roger and Collins all sat on the couch, Benny sat in one of the arm chair and Maureen and Joanne sat in the other arm chair together. Everyone was talking about the new things going on their lives when suddenly Mark spoke up. "Hey guys" Mark said, but no one hear him, not even Roger. He tired again and this time it was louder, no one hear but Roger. Mark tried one more time, but no one noticed. He hung his head and gave up trying to get everyone's attention. Roger finally took it upon himself to help Mark.

"Hey! Guys shut up!" Roger said as he spoke loudly. Everyone stopped talking and looked at Roger. Mark sighed knowing there was no way out of it now.

"Guys, I have something to tell you." Mark said. He looked toward the floor while everyone looked at him. "Roger called you all here so that I would only have to say it once and so that everyone could hear it." Mark said. Collins, Benny, Maureen and Joanne looked at Roger and then back to Mark. Roger put an arm around Mark's shoulder to tell Mark that he was there for him.

"Mark, what is it pookie?" Maureen asked. Always rely on Maureen to make things harder.

"I have two things to tell you all." Mark said as he ignored Maureen calling him pookie. He still wasn't able to look at them. He opened his mouth again, but nothing came out. Roger decided to help him by tell everyone else about them.

"A while ago Mark and I came to a realization. We both needed each other more than we had really thought and for the past two months Mark and I have been together." Roger said. Mark still looked at the ground as Roger spoke. Roger looked at each person in the room as he spoke. He had grabbed Mark's hand and intertwined their fingers. Maureen squealed with delight and Joanne had to hold her down from jumping on Mark and Roger. Benny was shocked at first, but then realized it was bound to happen. Collins clapped Roger on the back, since they were sitting next to each other, before he spoke.

"Well it took you two long enough. I knew you two would end up together one day, but why did you hide it from us?" Collins asked. Maureen, Joanne, and Benny all nodded in agreement.

"Mark didn't want to tell. You'll understand why soon. I respected that and kept it quiet." Roger said. Collins smiled at how much his two friends really cared for each other.

"Which bring me to the last thing I have to tell you guys. I don't know how to tell you, so I'll tell you how I told Roger." Mark said. He took a deep breath before saying the two words that would change everyone's lives. "I'm dying."

Maureen gasped when the two words hit her ears. She didn't know what to think. He was suppose to be the constant in everyone's lives and here he was confessing that he was dying. Tears began to form in her eyes as she looked at the smaller man sitting next to Roger.

Joanne held tight to Maureen. She couldn't believe that this man she was becoming such good friends with was suddenly dying. She wasn't totally sure what to think as tears began to form in her eyes as well.

Benny sat in shock. He had always known that he and Mark would be the last to survive in their strange bohemian family. He hadn't really been apart of the family much the past few years, but Mark was first to accept him back, and now Mark was leaving the group.

Collins wasn't sure how to react or even think. He or Roger was meant to be the next one to go, not Mark, not Mark 'I'm the one of us to survive' Cohen. One of his best friends was dying and he never realized it. He looked closely at Mark and realized how thin he truly looked. Collins also wanted to cry at this news that he was just told.

Roger wrapped his arms around Mark and held him close. Mark was crying and he knew that, but at least everyone else knew the truth now. He and Mark were together and soon Mark would be leaving, but none of them knew how soon.

Mark waited for someone to speak, but when no one did he figured he's better tell them the story. Mark grabbed hold of Roger's hand. He intertwined their fingers before sighing and continuing the story. "I have leukemia," there was a gasp, more than likely from Maureen, "and when I went to the doctors I was told the worse news ever. I was told how I would end up dying and, even worse, how long I had left. Two months ago I was told I would be lucky if I made it six more months. Those six months have become less than four. I told Roger and that's when things between us began to change. I know some day soon I'm not going to be here any longer, but after Roger and I talked this morning I realized I didn't have much time and I had to let you all know. I'm dying of leukemia and I'll be lucky to make it to November." Mark said as tears fell down his face. Everyone sat silently and just watched Mark. No one was ready to except Mark's death sentence, least of all Roger.

They all sat in silence. No one knew what to think let alone say anything. After about five minutes of silence Collins finally talked. "I understand why you didn't tell us. It's not easy telling your friends that you are going to leave them. I should know, I never wanted any of you to know that I was HIV positive, but I did tell you. I can't say I know how you feel because I don't. I know it has to hurt both mentally and physically, but I am always here if either of you boys need something." Collins said. Maureen, Joanne, and Benny all nodded in agreement. Mark gave a weak smile and Roger held Mark close to him.

Mark was dying, and that thought didn't register in anyone's mind, yet.

Later that night, after everyone had left with hugs and tears for Mark and Roger, the two boys lay in bed together. Roger held Mark's small body close to his own as Mark cried into Roger's chest. Mark had talked to Roger about his death but now that everyone else knew he didn't know what to think, so he broke down and cried. Roger held the crying filmmaker close and he could feel Mark's tears on his chest. Roger's head rested on the top of Mark's. He looked at the wall across from him. Silent tears feel down his own face as he held his crying love close.

These upcoming months, if not weeks, were going to be hard on everyone, but Mark and Roger most of all.

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(Author's note: There you have it… we now start the slow and sad decline to the end. Granted the out come of Mark is still undecided. I'm not sure if he's going to live or not. please note that more than likely he probably will

**HELP! I need everyone's help. Earlier in the story Roger was working on a song for Mark. He's still working on it, but there is a problem.. I don't have a song and I am bad at writing my own. If ANYONE has a song that would work then tell me. I'm looking for one that shows how hurt Roger is about loving Mark and/or shows how much Roger truly loved Mark. If you can send it to me, that would be amazing. I've been leaning toward This I Promise You by NSync, but I want something better. PLEASE HELP ME!**)


	12. Closer to Goodbye

(Author's Note: So to make up for my long delay in updates, I got another chapter up. I am completely annoyed with college right now, so I have done nothing but write this past weekend. I am about four chapters a head of this one. I plan to update more often. Once I get this story I plan on working on another one to post.)

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Chapter Twelve: Closer to Goodbye**

Over the past few months Mark had become even thinner, if that was even possible. He had quiet his job at Buzzline, seeing as he couldn't work any more. It was a challenge to even get up in the morning sometimes. He has become extremely weak. He slept more than he was up and Roger didn't see him much anymore.

At this point in time Mark was sleeping in their room while Collins, Maureen, Joanne, and Roger all sat around the so called 'living room' in the loft. Maureen had wanted to go to the Life Café, but Mark was too tired, so they agreed to come over to the loft.

"How is he Roger?" Joanne asked. Everyone had been avoiding the subject of Mark but it was inevitable that it would come up. So instead of procrastinating anymore, Joanne decided to get it over with.

"I don't know. Besides the fact that he is always tired and always sleeping, I don't know. We never talk anymore. The only real time I have with him anymore is before I go to sleep. Yeah, he's already a sleep, but at least he's with me." Roger said. He looked down and played with the coffee cup in his hand.

"Any hope of him getting better?" Collins asked.

"Not at this point. I have a feeling that no matter what happens we will lose him. He's not strong enough anymore." Roger said as he stared at the coffee cup to try to hide the tear falling down his face.

"Do you think he should go to the hospital?" Maureen asked.

Roger's head shot up. "No! I promised him he wouldn't die in a hospital." Roger said.

"We're not saying that he's going to die. He just needs to go. Maybe there is something out there that can help him until the end." Collins said.

"Maybe you should take him to the hospital." Joanne said.

"I don't know. I mean I'll talk to him about it when he's awake long enough, but I have a feeling that he's going to say no." Roger said.

Just then the door to Mark and Roger's room opened. Mark, dressed in sweatpants and one of Roger's old band shirts, came out of the room and slowly made his way over to the group of friends. He sat down on the couch between Roger's legs and leaned back against Roger's chest. Roger set his cup down and put one arm around Mark and ran his other hand through his hair. "How are you feeling?" Roger asked.

Mark let out a small groan before leaning his head back on Roger's shoulder and burying it in Roger's neck. Roger wrapped both arms around Mark's small body and held him close. Before long Mark was asleep again.

Without warning Maureen got up and ran from the room. Roger gave Joanne a questioning look. "I'll go get her." Collins said. He stood up and walked out of the loft. He found Maureen sitting on the steps with tears falling down her face.

"Maureen, what's wrong?" Collins asked as he sat down next to her.

"I can't do this." She cried.

"What?"

"I can't sit here and watch Mark die. I can't do it. He's practically dying in Roger's arms right now. I can't look at him anymore." Maureen cried.

"You still love him don't you?" Collins asked. Maureen sat quietly. She didn't yelling a 'no' at him or even try to deny it. She just sat there quiet as tear fell from her eye. "You do." Collins told her after a while

"Of course I do. He was first person I was with that actually cared about me. I know I was an ass for how I treated him, but I really did love him. And I still do." Maureen said.

"Mo, you have Joanne. He has Roger. He's happy and safe with him. I know you still love him, I could always tell, I just wanted you to say it." Maureen gave him a weird look. "Please, don't tell Mark. Don't let him know."

"I never was going to tell him. I just can't stand to watch him die in Roger's arms." Maureen said.

"None of us can, least of all Roger." Collins said

"So then why doesn't he get Mark help?" Maureen yelled. She was so sick of hearing that Roger didn't want Mark to die, yet he never did anything to help Mark live longer.

"Mo, Roger is doing what Mark wanted. Mark doesn't want to die in a hospital. He doesn't want to be alone. Roger wanted to put him there a month ago, but Mark didn't want to go. Roger loves Mark and even if it means loosing him, he'll keep Mark home. He wants all of Mark's wishes to come true before he dies. You have to understand that." Collins said.

"I do."

"Good, so let Roger take care of Mark. All we can do is sit back and watch. I have a feeling that before long we are going to get that dreaded call. You just have to be ready for it."

"I fear that call more than anything." Maureen said with tears in her eyes.

"So do I, Maureen, so do I."

Joanne got up from her chair and took the blanket from the back of couch and draped it over Mark's sleeping form. "Thanks" Roger said. Roger turned his head and kissed Mark's forehead.

"He doesn't look that good." Joanne said as she sat back down in her chair and watched Roger take care of Mark.

"He isn't. He only sleeps. I don't want to lose him, but I can't stop it." Roger said as he looked down at the sleeping form in his arms.

"I'm so sorry Roger. No one expected this." Joanne said.

"I know, but all I can do now is love him… and I do." Roger said as his grip tightened around Mark's small body. Just then the phone rang. Joanne jumped up to get it seeing as the infamous "SPEAK" would wake Mark up.

"Hello?... Yes he's here but he's sleeping. Who is this?… He's here, I'll see if I can get him, hold on." Joanne said into the phone. She turned to look at Roger. "Rog, it's Mark's mom. She wants to talk to you."

"Um…" just them Maureen and Collins came back into the loft. "Maureen, come here." Roger said. Maureen went over to the couch. Roger slowly pushed Mark's body away from his own. He stood up and told to Maureen slip into his place. Roger placed Mark back against Maureen.

"Why do I have to sit here?" Maureen asked as Roger went over to Joanne and took the phone.

"He wants to be held. Just hold him and try not to wake him." Roger said as he turned to the phone.

Maureen sat there with Mark sleeping in her arms. Collins looked at her and she instantly knew what he was thinking. "Don't worry" Maureen said to him. Collins nodded his head and sat back down. Roger was on the phone and Joanne was in the kitchen getting them something to drink.

Roger came back after talking on the phone. He leaned over Mark and kissed him. Mark stirred a little but not much. "Babe, you have to get up." Roger said to him. Mark still didn't wake. Roger sighed before bending down and picking up Mark's small body. He put Mark's feet down on the ground and Mark finally opened his eyes.

"Rog, just let me sleep." Mark said as he leaned against Roger.

"I would but your mom and sister are coming here. They will be here shortly." Roger said. Mark looked up at Roger and froze. It wasn't because he was told his mom and sister were coming, it was because he couldn't see Roger clearly. Mark rubbed his eyes. He knew he didn't have his glasses on, but his vision had never been this bad before. "Mark, you okay?" Roger asked.

"Yeah, I think so. I am going to go change." Mark said as he pulled away from Roger. Mark slowly began to walk away from Roger and toward their room. He entered their room and put on his glasses. Instantly his vision cleared. He then went back into the 'living room'. He really didn't care what he was wearing. It was just his family after all.

* * *

(Author's Note: sorry for any mistakes… I'm dyslexic and I do the editing on my own.

Thank you for everyone who sent me ideas for Roger's song. I have the perfect song and that chapter is written. I hope it doesn't make anyone cry seeing as I didn't cry when I wrote it, but who know. More chapters will be up soon.)


	13. Another Day Closer

(Author's Note: Another chapter closer to the end.)

**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Another Day Closer **

Mark sat back down next to Roger and leaned against him. Roger wrapped his arms around Mark and pulled him into his lap. Before long there was a knock on the door. Maureen, being as she couldn't look at how sick Mark was, got up to answer the door. Behind it stood Mrs. Cohen and Cindy.

"Is this the right place?" Mrs. Cohen asked. It had been a few years since she had visited her son, and she hoped she was in the right place.

"Mark and Roger are on the couch. I'm Maureen by the way." Maureen said as she held out her hand. Mrs. Cohen took it in her own.

"Oh, I remember you, dear. I hope you're well." Mrs. Cohen said as she realized the women before he was her son's ex-girlfriend. Maureen just nodded her head in agreement before moving.

She moved aside and went back over to Joanne and sat down with her. Mrs. Cohen and Cindy walked in and saw the two men they had come to see. Mrs. Cohen had been so happy when Mark had called her a few months ago to tell her that he and Roger were together. She was very happy for them, as was Cindy, but this was site either of them expected. Both froze when they saw how pale and thin Mark had become. Tears began to come to Mrs. Cohen's eyes as she realized the true. Cindy recovered from the shock first and headed over to the two men.

"Hey bro" she said as she knelt down in front of Mark. She placed a hand on his and held it. "Mom and I came to talk to you and Roger." She said.

Mark didn't move. He had fallen asleep again. Roger hugged the filmmaker and kissed is forehead. "Come on, get up." He said as he stood up with Mark in his arms. Mark finally woke up and noticed that, one, he was standing… two, his mom and sister were there.

"Oh Mark!" Mrs. Cohen cried as she ran forward and hugged her son. Cindy and Roger watched as tears fell down Mrs. Cohen face as she clung to Mark.

"Mom, I'm okay, really." Mark said. He knew he was lying, but he wanted his mother off of him.

"I don't believe that for an instant. Have you even been eating?" Mrs. Cohen asked as she held her son at arms length and looked at his thin figure.

"Yes, mom." Mark said.

"Like hell you do. Boy, when have you been awake long enough _to_ eat?" Collins asked. He had a point. Mark had been sleeping non stop for the past few days. It must have been at least three days since he truly had something.

"I—it was—I mean—sigh I ate a few days ago." Mark said lowering his head.

"Well, I will have none of that. We shall all go out to eat. My treat." Mrs. Cohen said as she looked at the five other people in the room.

"Mom, don't worry about it. We'll eat here." Mark said. Truth be told he was hungry but he was too tired to walk down to the Life.

"Nonsense, I insist. Come now, where you go to eat around here?" Mrs. Cohen asked. Mark sighed. There was no winning with his mother.

"The Life Café." Joanne said.

"Right. Everybody up, let's go eat. I will not allow my son and his friends to starve while I am here." She said before heading toward the door. Collins ran after her seeing as he was pretty sure she didn't know the way. Maureen and Joanne were the next to follow and Cindy was close behind them

"You okay?" Roger asked as he walked up to his boyfriend.

"Yeah, it's just that mom doesn't understand. I would love to go out and eat with you guys, but I can barely get around the loft without feeling tired." Mark said as he turned to face the musician.

"Well, then there is only one thing to do." Roger said as he walked away from Mark and grabbed his coat.

"And what's that?" Mark questioned. Roger walked back over to Mark with his leather jacket in hand before putting it on Mark.

"Carry you." Roger said. Mark smiled and laughed at him.

"You've got to be joking. You're not going to carry me all the way to the Life." Mark said still laughing.

"Yes I will, now hop on." Roger said. Mark was still laughing as he climbed onto Roger's back. "All set?" Roger asked.

"Yes" Roger, with Mark on his back, headed out of the loft and down the stairs. Collins almost crapped himself as he saw Roger coming down the stairs giving Mark a piggy back ride.

"You've got to be shittin' me" Collins said through his laughter.

"That's so cute." Maureen said as she hugged Joanne.

"Honey bear, there is no way I am doing that for you." Joanne said.

After everyone had a good laugh the seven of them headed down the street to the Life Café. Mark and Roger receive a few funny looks and some comments from people, but they didn't care.

Roger set Mark down on the ground right outside of the Café. They entered and were seated at a booth. "Mark, honey, since we are here I want you to truly eat something." Mrs. Cohen said.

"Mom, just chill out." Cindy said to her mother as she looked through a menu. Before long a waiter came and took their orders. After he had left everyone began to talk. "How often do you come here?" Cindy asked.

"Not much anymore. After Mimi passed away we stopped coming here as a group. I think this is the first time I have been in a few months." Collins said.

"I think the last time any of us were here was when Collins came back from teaching." Maureen said. After everyone thought about it, it was true. The last time they were at the Life Café was when Maureen had called them all to go there since Collins was back in town and none of them had seen each other for a while. That had been right after Mark and Roger went to Mark's parent's house.

Everyone else went into talking about the things that they did. Mark leaned against Roger's shoulder as they just listened to the other five talk. Before long their food arrived. Everyone began to eat except for Mark. He had been hungry, but now that the food was in front of him, he felt sick. "Rog, can you let me out?" Mark asked.

Roger stood up and let Mark out from the booth. Mark quickly slipped into the bathroom and into a stall. He made it just in time. He began to throw up everything in his stomach, which wasn't much. All he had to extract from his stomach was ice tea and stomach acid.

Mark heard the door to the bathroom open and heard his name being called. "Mark, you okay?" It was Roger. Mark went to respond, but ended up throwing up some more. Roger opened the stall door and knelt down next to Mark. The musician rubbed the filmmaker's back as he heaved his stomach contents into the toilet.

"Maybe we should get you home." Roger said. Mark nodded in agreement. Just then the door opened again.

"Mark, Roger, you guys okay?" Collins called.

"Collins, can you go get boxes for mine and Mark's food. He's sick and I'm going to take him home." Roger called back to the anarchist.

"Sure thing." Collins said before leaving the bathroom. He walked back over to the table where the girls sat with two boxes in his hand.

"What's going on, Collins?" Maureen asked.

"Mark's sick, so Roger is going to take him home." He said.

Mark and Roger returned from the bathroom a few moments later. Mark was even paler then before and no one thought that was possible. "Mark, you okay?" Cindy asked. Mark started to nod his head before shaking it. He had a pained expression on his face.

"I'm going to take him home and put him to bed. Stay here and finish eating, we'll be fine." Roger said before taking the boxes from Collins. He wrapped his other arm around Mark's waist and supported the sick filmmaker out the door.

When they got back to the loft, Roger had to carry Mark up the stairs and to the loft. Once inside Roger took Mark straight to their bedroom. He sat Mark on the bed and took the boxes from the filmmaker. Roger removed the coat from around Mark and then wrapped the blankets around him.

"Feeling any better?" Roger asked as he put the boxes on the floor and sat down next to Mark.

"A little. I'm sorry about all this." Mark said.

"Don't worry about it. You always took care of me, so I am going to take care of you." He said as he ran his thumb over Mark's cheek. "Now, go to sleep. I'll be in once everyone leaves." Roger said. Mark nodded his head and closed his eyes. Roger leaned forward and kissed Mark on the cheek before grabbing the boxes and leaving the room.

As soon as he put the food in the fridge, everyone else came back into the loft. "Is he okay?" Mrs. Cohen asked the moment she was in the room.

"He's a sleep right now. He'll be fine." Roger said as he sat down on the couch. Collins sat next to him and Cindy sat on the other side of Collins. Joanne and Maureen took a seat in one of the arm chairs while Mrs. Cohen sat in the other.

"Roger, can I ask you something?" Cindy asked. Roger slowly nodded and let her go on. "What's happened to my brother?" she asked him.

Roger leaned back against the couch and sighed. "He's dying, Cindy." It was blunt and straight forward, but it was true. "I don't think he'll make it to November. He only sleeps and he's too tired to do more than walk around the loft and sometimes that's even too much." Roger told his lover's sister. "That's why I carried him to the Life. He wouldn't have been able to walk there on his own."

"Is there anything that can be done?" Mrs. Cohen asked as she joined Roger and Cindy's conversation.

"No" he said as she shook his head. "There's nothing that can be done. All that's left to do is wait for the slow and painful decline to the inevitable."

"So, all we can do is wait until the end?" Cindy asked. Roger nodded his head.

"We're going to lose him within a few weeks, I fear."

"How are you doing?" Roger looked at her with a confusing look. "How are you taking all this?" Cindy asked him.

"It's hard. This is the third person that I love that I'll lose. It's hard. I mean, how would you feel if you lost Josh?"

"Crushed, hurt, like a part of me was missing."

"Exactly. Could you just sit there and watch him die in your arms? It tears me up inside, but there is nothing else that I can do. I wake up ever morning afraid to look at him. I'm terrified that I lost him during the night. I, personally, am not doing well at all, but I can't show that. He knows that I'm hurting, but there is nothing either of us can do about." Roger said.

"I'm so sorry Roger." She said.

The conversation ended after that. It was silent for a while before Maureen asked a question. "I know this is probably the wrong time to ask this, but when the end comes where is he going to rest?" she asked. Everyone was silent for a moment before someone spoke.

"I think it should be where he wants to." Cindy said. Mrs. Cohen looked at her daughter. "Mom, I know you want him to be at home with the rest of his family, but I don't think he wants to go home." Cindy said.

"Hill Cemetery" Roger said quietly. Everyone looked at him. "Hill Cemetery with Angel and Mimi." He said. Tears formed in Collins eyes as he realized what this meant. Mark wanted to be buried in Hill Cemetery were Angel was laid to rest, where Mimi was peaceful awaiting the rest, where he would lay one day, and eventually Roger as well.

"I guess you're right, Cindy. He needs to be were he wants to be. And that place is right here with all his friends." Mrs. Cohen said quietly.

"Roger, I know I asked you this earlier, but why don't you put him in the hospital?" Maureen asked. This comment received a glare from Collins, but she ignored it.

"I don't know. I know I should, but he doesn't want to die there. He doesn't want to be alone and here he never would be. I really don't know what to do." Roger said.

"You need to do what's best for him." Joanne said as she wrapped her arms around Maureen's waist.

"I know." Roger replied quietly.

"Roger, why don't you wait to see how bad it gets? If it gets too bad, then admit him." Mrs. Cohen said.

Roger thought for a moment before agreeing. If Mark got too bad then he would put him in the hospital. He could live with Mark hating him, if it would keep him around a little longer.

After a while everyone finally left. Roger promised to call the Cohen is anything else happened to Mark. After the door was closed, he walked over to their room. Mark was asleep and snoring lightly. Roger smiled as he crawled into bed next to him. He pulled the sleeping figure to him and held him close.

Mark snuggled in close to Roger before going back to sleep. Roger smiled and kissed his forehead. "I love you, Marky." He whispered. He held the sleeping man close as tears fell from his eyes.

* * *

(Author's Note: As you probably have realized, Mark is not going to live through this story. I'm sorry for everyone who is sad about this and crying over it, but that's how life goes. Have I ever said that I am really good at writing at deaths and weddings? I prefer deaths, I feel that I can get emotions fairly well, but I have to add weddings to make things happy. My next story has a wedding in it. Thanks for reading.. another chapter coming soon.) 


	14. Mark and Roger's Gifts

(Author's Note: I would like to state this now. I am sorry at the beginning of the story that I didn't mention that there would be a character death. When I started to write it I wasn't sure what I wanted to happen. I allowed that to develop as I wrote the story. As of this very moment in time, there will be a character death.

Enough of that… on with the story.)

**

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: Mark and Roger's Gifts**

Roger awoke from his sleep a few hours later. It was already dark out, but he wasn't able to go back to sleep. His mind kept going back to the thought of losing Mark. He knew he was running out of time with his filmmaker. He knew some time soon he would lose the one he loved. So, while Mark slept, Roger set everything up. He was on the roof making sure that everything would be perfect. It was a little cold and he knew either of them could get sick, but it was meant to be a full moon that night.

It took an hour to set everything up to how he wanted it. When it was done, Roger went back down to the loft to get Mark. He walked into their room and found Mark curled up on the bed. Roger smiled at how innocent Mark looked as he slept.

Roger made his way over to the bed and leaned over to kiss Mark on the forehead. "Babe, I'm sorry to wake you, but I have something for you." Roger whispered into Mark's ear. Mark moaned before opening his eyes to see Roger's green one looking down at him.

"Do I have to get up?" Mark asked as he wrapped the blanket closer around him. Roger sat down on the bed and ran his hand over Mark's side.

"You don't have to, but I'd really like it if you did. You can go back to sleep afterwards if you want." Roger said. Mark stretched and sighed before sitting up in bed.

"Alright, Rog, I'm up." Mark said with a yawn. Roger smiled before leaning forward and catching Mark's lips with his own.

"Thank you." He said into Mark's lips. Mark wrapped his arms around Roger's neck and kissed him. "Come on. We're going to the roof and it's a little chilly." Roger said.

Before long Mark was dressed in a pair of Roger's sweat pants and one of his own sweaters. He was following Roger up the stairs to the roof and stopped instantly when he saw the roof. The New York skyline was in the background, and on the roof was a blanket with one to wrap up in. Sitting on the blanket was Roger's guitar. "Come on." Roger said as he grabbed Mark's hand and led him over to the blanket.

Mark sat down on the blanket while Roger wrapped the other one around him. Mark held onto the blanket as Roger sat down in front of him. "I wrote this for you. I've been working on since we went to your parents and it's not perfect, but I wasn't sure how much more time I had." Roger said. Mark smiled as a tear came to his eyes.

Roger picked up his guitar and began to play. As he started to play the cloud in front of the moon moved to reveal the full moon. The moonlight shown down on them like a spot light. Roger closed his eyes as he began to sing.

_Last night I had a crazy dream  
__A wish was granted just for me  
__It could be for anything  
__I didn't ask for money  
__Or a mansion in Malibu  
__I simply wished, for one more day with you._

Mark smiled as tears began to fall down his face. He watched as the moon left a soft silver glow around Roger. Roger's hair had silver highlights in it and a warm glow came from the body of his guitar.

_One more day  
__One more time  
__One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied  
__But then again  
__I know what it would do  
__Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you.  
__One more day._

Roger looked up at Mark and tears came to his own eyes as he saw the crying filmmaker in front of him. It wasn't just the tears falling down Mark's face that took Roger's breath away. It was the way that the moon light made Mark look like an angel. Almost as if Angel or Mimi were behind him giving him that silver glow.

_First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl  
__I'd unplug the telephone  
__And keep the TV off  
__I'd hold you every second  
__Say a million I love you's  
__That's what I'd do, with one more day with you.  
__  
One more day  
__One more time  
__One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied  
__But then again  
__I know what it would do  
__Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you.  
__  
One more day  
__One more touch  
__One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied  
__But then again  
__I know what it would do_

_Leave me wishing still, for one more day.  
__Leave me wishing still for one more day.  
__Leave me wishing still for one more day,_

_With you.  
__One more day.  
__One more day..._

Roger played the last cord before looking up at Mark. Tears were falling down his face as he looked at the musician in front of him. No words came to him as the last cord still rang through the air. Mark simple got up and crawled over to Roger before throwing his arms around the musician's neck and cried.

Roger put his guitar next to him and pulled Mark into his lap. He held the crying man in his arms while rocking him back and forth. "I love you Mark." Roger said as tears came to his own eyes.

"I love you too, Roger. I'm so sorry that I have to leave you. I wish I could stay, but fate wasn't on my side." Mark said as he cried.

"I would give my life if it meant saving you, but I can't. I can just hold you until fate rips us apart. Life's unfair. It's dealt us a bad hand and in the end it ruined everything." Roger said as he ran his hand through Mark's hair. "I want you to know that after you leave that's enough for me. I've gone through three deaths and your's is the one that will hurt me the most. You're my soul mate, Mark. I'm sorry it took so long to realize that." Roger said.

"I'd have waited two lifetimes for you. I love you so much Rog." Mark said with his face buried in Roger's chest. Roger lifted Mark's head away from his chest and looked into his tear filled ice-blue eyes.

"I love you too." Roger said before leaning down and connecting his and Mark's lips. When they broke apart Mark moved so he was leaning back against Roger. Roger wrapped his arms around the filmmaker and held him there.

"Do you think we'll ever have another moment like this?" Mark asked.

"What do you mean?" Roger asked as he rested his head on top of Mark's.

"Do you think I'll ever see another full moon?" Mark asked as he looked up at the glowing orb in the night sky.

"No." Roger said sadly. It hurt him to say, but he couldn't lie. He knew in his heart that Mark would leave him soon. He was pretty sure Mark knew as well so there was no point to try and lie.

"I was thinking the same thing. I'll be lucky to make it to November." Mark said. It was tearing Roger up inside to talk about Mark's death, but as the time with him got shorter, Roger had to. He needed to know what Mark wanted done with things after he was gone. "You'll still live wont you?" Mark asked.

"As much as I can with part of my soul gone." Roger whispered. Tears were beginning to form in his eyes. He hated the thought of Mark's death.

"I'll always be with you. You just can't see me. I'll be with you like Angel is with Collins and like Mimi is right now." Mark said.

"Three guardian angels, all of whom were taken to soon." Roger said. "Life really is unfair." Roger held Mark close.

They sat up on the roof in each other's arms for a while longer before Mark started to shiver. Together they headed back into the loft. Roger put his guitar away and put the blankets back on the couch. Mark, on the other hand, went into their room to get something.

"Rog, I have something for you." Mark said as he walked out of the room with something behind his back. Roger sat on the couch and waited for Mark to join him. "I worked on this a while ago, before I got really sick. It's something so you can look back and remember the past." Mark said. From behind his back he pulled out a film canister.

Roger held the canister and read the label 'Remembering the Past'. Roger looked up at Mark. "I could never forget you guys or the past."

"I know, but everyone misses the past. So I put together all the good times that we had with Angel and Mimi and Collins and everyone. There is even my mom hugging you and Cindy laughing."

"I remember that day. I think that was the second time I ever saw your family." Roger said laughing.

"Yeah it was. I have another film that I'm working on, but I haven't been able to work on it lately. It is also for you, if I ever get it done." Mark told the man in front of him.

"I'm sure you will." Roger said.

That was it. Mark and Roger had given each other a final gift. Mark's health was failing and before long he would be gone. Before long the loft would be empty. Before long the last of the bohemians would be left with nothing but memories. Bittersweet memories of the past.

* * *

(Author's Note: I have to thank WinchesterOneOhOne for bringing this song to my attention. I had heard it before but I never really thought about it for this. I have to say that it fits a lot better than any of the other songs I was looking through. "One More Day" by Diamond Rio

Thank you to all who have stuck with my story this far. I realized that I have gone off and added things that disappeared by the end of the chapter. I don't really know where my brain was during this time, but you have to forgive me. I'm in college and finding time to fully write and review everything is extremely had. Thanks again and I hope to have another chapter up soon.)


	15. Please Collins

(Author's Note: I have to thank WinchesterOneOhOne for being crazy enough to be my beta… She's amazing and sadly I made her cry with this chapter. Hopefully not too many others will.)

**

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: Please Collins**

Mark's body was failing. His soul kept living and going strong, but a soul can't live without a body to stay in. Mark knew he was getting closer to the end. He knew he wouldn't be around much longer and there was one thing he wanted to do. One thing he _needed_ to do.

One day when Roger was at work, Mark had asked Collins to come over. So here it was. Collins sat in the living room on the couch while Mark fiddled with the camera in his hands. He knew this was the right thing to do. He knew it had to be done. He just didn't want to admit that it needed to be done now, but he had to. Finally he spoke.

"Collins, I need you to do something for me." He said as he looked up at the man sitting across from him. "I'm not strong enough to leave this loft to do it. Maureen would just fight with me about it and Joanne is to busy right now to even bother stopping by. I need you to do this." Mark said as he held his camera protectively. He didn't want to do this, but he had to. It had to be done before he left.

"What crazy idea has your mind come up with now?" Collins asked as he watched Mark fiddle with the camera in his hands. Mark stopped playing with it and held in out to Collins. Collins, unsure what was going on, took the camera from Mark's grasp.

"I want you to sell it." Mark said. Collins about dropped the camera.

"What?! I'm not doing that. It means too much to you, to Roger." Collins said trying to hand it back to the fading filmmaker. Mark refused to take it back.

"I know and that's why this has to be done. It's in great shape, and well taken care of. You can get a lot of money out of an antique like this. Roger won't sell it even if I asked him too. I want to make sure that he's taken care of after I'm gone and I can guarantee, for a while at least, that he _will_ be fine." Mark said. "I need you to do this Collins. I need you to sell it and then bring me the money."

"Mark, you've completely lost it. You know Roger would want to keep it." Collins said as he tried, and failed, to give the camera back to the filmmaker.

"Collins, please. It's already hard enough to have someone else sell it. I need this done. Please. Collins, I beg you. I'd get on the floor and beg at your feet, but I don't think I would have enough energy to even try that." Mark said. Collins saw the tears beginning to form in the fading ice-blue eyes. He sighed. Mark really wanted this done. Mark really needed to have this done, not for himself, but for Roger.

"Mark, you're an idiot, you know what right?" Collins said. Mark looked at him and slowly nodded his head. Collins sighed. "I want to put this back in your hands and walk out the door. I want to forget that you ever asked me for this favor. And, any other time I would. I would say no and walk out of this loft, but for once, I can't." Mark looked up at the anarchist who was mentally fighting with himself. "I would refuse in a heartbeat. I would have fought tooth and nail with Angel if she sold her drum sticks, if Roger sold his guitar, but for some odd reason I can't fight you. I want to, but I can't. I just can't refuse your love for Roger." Collins sighed before placing the camera in one of his coat pockets. It always amazed Mark at how large the pockets to the coat Angel bought him were. "I'll sell it for you." Collins stood to leave, but stopped. "When does Roger get off work?" Collins asked.

"He should be home around 6:30 give or take, but you know Rog, he hates to be away from here for long." Mark said. Collins nodded as he looked over at the clock before sighing, yet again. He was doing that lot lately.

"That gives me an hour in a half." He turned back to Mark. "Alright give me an hour tops and I'll be back. I hope you're right about this Mark. I really hope you're right." Collins said before heading out the door with the camera tucked safely in his pocket.

"So do I Collins. So do I." Mark said after Collins had closed the door behind him. Mark decided since he had time, he needed to write Roger a letter explaining about the money and the camera.

Mark curled up on his and Roger's bed with a notebook and a pen. He began to write about any and all things he wanted Roger to have for the rest of his life. It took 45 minutes for him to finish the letter the best he could. He folded it and shoved it in an envelope and sealed it. Now he just had to wait for Collins to return.

Just as Collins had said, he was back in an hour. He arrived back to the loft with a check in his pocket. A check that held a number he would never have thought would have come from Mark's camera. A camera that was used daily for the past, Collins didn't know how many years, had give Mark this much comfort.

Collins entered the loft to find Mark asleep on the couch. He was curled up in a ball while wrapped in a blanket. It looked as if he hadn't moved since Collins left. Carefully as he could he shook the filmmaker awake. "I have the money for you." He said as Mark opened his eyes. After stretching some he sat up.

"Thank you so much, Collins. How much did you get for it?" Mark asked as he looked up at his friend.

"You were right about getting a bit of money for it." Collins said as he pulled out the check and handed it to Mark. Mark unfolded the piece of paper and nearly fell off the couch.

"You've got be kidding me. I was think around 500 if that, not this." Mark said not sure he believed the check he held was real.

"The man said he had never seen a finer piece of equipment. He was surprised it had been used daily for the past however many years you had it. He was very impressed and gave the smallest amount he could." Collins said.

"Two thousand five hundred, I still don't believe it. Thanks you so much Collins." Mark said as he put the check in his pocket. "Can I ask you one more thing?" Mark asked his friend.

"I'm not selling anything else." Collins said joking around, only slightly.

"No, I want you to hold on to this." He said as he handed Collin a letter addressed to Roger. "I don't want him to find it. Can you give it to him after I'm gone? The funeral included. I fear that I don't have much longer. It explains everything about the camera and the money and everything else he needs to know. Please Collins." Mark asked. Collins took the letter from Mark and tucked that into his coat pocket.

"Course I'll give it to him. Just take care of yourself and don't leave us before it's time. We all still need you. Even Maureen needs you still." Collins said.

"Thanks Collins. Thank you so much." Mark said.

"Don't worry about it. Just take care of yourself. I'll see you later." Collins and Mark said their goodbyes before he left the loft. Mark lay back down on the couch and sighed. Suddenly a weight was removed from his shoulders. Roger would be fine for a while after he was gone. And Collins would still be around to make sure Roger didn't do anything stupid.

* * *

(Author's Note: So there you have it….the last chapter until the spiraling downfall to the end. I know… gasp!... Mark sold his camera. I thought about it one day and I found it to be an extremely sweet thing for him to do for Rog.

I have no idea if the pricing is even close to being right, but for the amusement of myself and for the story… go with it… Thank)


	16. Out Of Time

(Author's Note: Here's the next chapter. I'll explain why it took so long to update, but since you all just want the chapter, I'll stop and let you read it.)

**Chapter Sixteen: Out of Time**

Today was just the beginning. Emotions would run high before night fell. Only thing was… no one knew it.

It was October 29. A few days before Angel was laid to rest. Emotions were shown on everyone's sleeve that day. Everyone was sad about losing Angel only a few years ago. It was always hard to say goodbye to someone who changed one's life. Collins had gone into a sort of depression. Maureen and Joanne clung to each other afraid that the end of them would come soon. Roger knew the end was soon. No matter what happened the end would be soon. Too soon, if you asked him.

Roger and Mark were sitting on the couch talking and enjoying each other's company. Neither knew when it would end. They hoped a while longer, but fate wasn't on their side.

Roger was playing his guitar. By request of Mark he was playing 'One More Day'. It was a touching song for both of them, but it was their song. It meant the world to them both. While Roger played Mark got up and walked into the kitchen. He had been feeling stronger lately, which was weird since he has always wanted to sleep, so when the next string of events happened, everyone was shocked.

Mark retrieved a coffee mug from one of the selves. He listened as the cords from Roger's guitar and Roger's voice filled his ears. It was a bittersweet melody and he felt that he was in heaven. The sweet tone of Roger's voice, the strong meaning in the words, and the love in the cords made Mark feel loved more than he thought he could ever feel.

He poured himself some tea. It was slightly chilly in the loft and he was a little cold. Roger watched Mark in the kitchen as he played. Mark was thin, yes, but he looked perfect in Roger's eyes. He looked amazing. Roger wanted to jump up from the couch and embrace his little filmmaker. He wanted to hold Mark close and never let him go. He was head over heels in love with Mark. (Which only made this whole thing worse for him.)

Roger continued to play as Mark grabbed his cup and headed back towards the couch. As he walked he allowed the bittersweet melody to fill his ears. But, when he was close to the couch things changed. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach and dizzy.

Mark stopped walking and closed his eyes in hopes of making the dizziness go away. When he opened his eyes the dizziness was gone, but he suddenly felt overly tired. The next scene seemed to be in slow motion for both Mark and Roger, but it really happened in a matter of seconds.

Dizziness over took Mark again. He began to sway back and forth a little. He put a hand on his forehead and closed his eyes. Mark did all he could to regain himself. Suddenly the coffee mug fell from his hand and hit the ground sending glass and tea all over the rug. Roger threw his guitar to the side and ran to Mark's side. He caught the filmmaker just before he hit the ground. Mark opened his eyes to see Roger above him and a moment later everything when black.

"Mark" Roger cried as he tried to wake Mark up. Panic began to take over Roger's body. He couldn't think straight. He couldn't function properly. It was almost like April all over again.

Finally Roger regained himself. He placed Mark on the floor before running to the phone to call 911. Within minutes paramedics were running into the loft and attaching Mark to the stretcher. Roger quickly followed behind them. He rode in the ambulance with Mark, holding his hand the entire time.

As the paramedics did everything they could to revive the passed out man on the stretcher, Roger was asked to fill out medical information. He gave Mark's name and date of birth, family history, medical condition everything they needed. At the bottom of the paper he put himself as the legal guardian of Mark if his biological family could not be reached.

When they reached the hospital Mark was taken to the ICU immediately. Roger was sent to the waiting room where he did the only thing he could bring himself to do. He couldn't bring himself to cry so he called everyone else.

Roger reached the pay phones in the lobby and called Collins. The phone rang for two rings before Collins voice came through. "Hello?" Collins asked. It was obvious that he had been crying.

"Collins, I hate to make your day worse, but I need you to come to the hospital." Roger said. He still couldn't cry.

"Please tell me Mark is still alive." Collins asked franticly.

"For now." It was the best answer he could give at the moment.

Roger and Collins hung up the phone before Roger called Joanne and Maureen.

"Hello?" Maureen's overly happy voice said through the receiver.

"Maureen, tell me Joanne is home too." Roger asked.

"Yes she is. Do you want to talk to her?" Maureen asked. Who knows why she was overly happy, but she was.

"No that's okay, but I need you two to come down to the hospital." Roger said. Maureen's tone changed instantly. She was no longer happy, she was scared.

"Oh god, please tell me he's alright. He's still alive, right?" Maureen asked with pure panic in her voice.

"For now." It wasn't the best answer, he knew that, but it's all he had.

Once they hung up Roger called the one number he was dreading. Mark's family. The phone rang three times before a young child's voice answered. "Co-hen res-e-dense." The small child said. It was either Jake or Chris that answered the phone. Roger wasn't totally sure on that.

"Is Mrs. Cohen around?" Roger asked hoping the child knew the difference between Mrs. Cohen (Mark's mom) and Mrs. Douglas (Cindy).

"Mommy!" the child called. Obviously the child did not know the difference between his own mother and grandmother, yet he had answered the phone 'Cohen Residence.'

"Jacob, I told you not to answer the phone." Cindy told her son. "Hello?" she asked.

"Cindy, is your mom around?" Roger asked.

"She's at the store right now with Josh. I can have her call when she gets back." Cindy said.

"There won't be time for that. When she gets home you need to come to Life Memorial Hospital. Mark's been admitted." Roger said. He heard Cindy gasp and he was pretty sure was starting to tear up.

"Is he alright?" Cindy asked. He was right, she was crying.

"For now." Everyone kept asked him if Mark was okay and he didn't know. For now was the best answer he could give to them.

Once Roger was done talking to everyone he found an empty chair in the corner of the room and sat there. He still couldn't bring himself to cry. He was still in too much shock to let any other emotion take him over.

Maureen and Joanne were the first people to arrive. Maureen was in tears and Joanne was franticly trying to keep her from doing something stupid. Maureen spotted Roger and ran over to him. She wrapped her arms around him and began to cry. Joanne had to pry Maureen off of Roger.

"Are you okay, Roger?" Joanne asked as she held onto Maureen.

"I don't know" Roger said. Just then a doctor came into the room.

"Is there a Mr. Davis in here?" she asked. Roger walked away from the girls and over to the doctor.

"I am. How is Mark?" Roger asked. He was afraid of what he would hear.

"I'm Dr. Hudson." The women said extending her hand. Roger shook it. "I'm in charge of Mr. Cohen's case. As of right now Mr. Cohen is alive, but only barely. I would be surprised if he made it through the night. He's been asking for you." She said.

Roger followed the women to the ICU section of the hospital. She left him while she went to go monitor another patient. She said she would be back in a few minutes. Roger knocked on the door before entering. Mark was attached to an IV line as well as a heart monitor. It took Roger a moment to get over the needle in Mark's arm, but it was to save his life, not kill him.

"Hey." Roger said as he sat down on the edge of Mark's bed and grabbed his hand.

"I don't have much time." Mark said with tears in his eyes.

"I know. Dr. Hudson told me. How are you feeling?" Roger asked as he ran his thumb over Mark's cheek.

"I don't know." Mark said as he held onto Roger's hand for support. Roger leaned down and kissed Mark gently on the lips before pulling away.

"I'm here for you." Roger said "I love you, Mark." Before Mark could respond Dr. Hudson entered the room.

"Mr. Cohen, I am afraid that your leukemia has taken a turn for the worse. Sadly, there is nothing we can do for you, but keep you comfy. The only thing left to do is wait, unfortunately. I'm so sorry." She told them. Finally another emotion had taken over Roger. Pain.

Roger's breathing quickened as he registered what the doctor just said. Mark was out of time. Only thing left to do was wait. Wait for the inevitable that would come all too soon.

Eventually Roger had to leave the room so they could move Mark to another part of the hospital. There was nothing the ICU could do for him, but revive him from when he passed out. Mark was moved to the hospice ward. In Roger's mind hospice meant one thing… death.

When Roger returned to the waiting room, everyone was there. Collins and Joanne stood talking while Maureen clung to Joanne. Tears finally fell from his face knowing he had to tell them all that Mark was out of time.

(Author's note: Okay, yes it was short, but it was something. Don't kill me and I'll update again before I go back to college.

Okay, reason it took so long: Around Thanksgiving time my aunt ended up in the hospital and I didn't have internet and I figured my aunt was a little more important. Then in December I had finals at college. I left three days later for Colorado to visit my uncle and aunt (different aunt). We ended up getting stuck in Kansas due to that first blizzard that went through. Eventually me made it to Kremmling and spent a few days there for Christmas until the next storm came through. We left early and spent the night in Kansas once again. Two days later, we made it home. After that I spent two weeks with my sister at OSU. I just got home today and for the first time in almost a month, I've had internet to be able to update.

I'm overly sorry about taking so long, but things happened and I was able to update. I'm sorry. I meant nothing by it. I didn't mean to make it seem like I gave up on this story, but in truth I have a few chapters written for the end, but I'm not sure which to use and that depends on how the next few chapters are written. I will try to finish this story soon… I am SO SORRY about taking so long. I'll update soon to make it up to you all.

Thanks for your never ending support with this story.)


	17. Stay With Me

(Author's Note: Here's the next chapter. I'll explain why it took so long to update, but since you all just want the chapter, I'll stop and let you read it.)

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Chapter Seventeen: Stay With Me**

After telling everyone that the end was near, Roger sat in the waiting room with everyone else around him. Maureen couldn't take any more of this. Mark's end was coming soon and Roger was sitting out here slowly dying inside. Maureen took it upon herself to change that.

She walked up to the desk and talked the women behind it. "Excuse me, ma'am" she said politely. "Is family allowed to stay with hospice patients?" she asked.

"If they are biological family." The women said as she looked up at Maureen.

"Does fiancé count as being biological?" Maureen asked. The women looked up at Maureen with a caring face. She had taken what Maureen said in the way that a 'normal' person would, but that's not how it was meant.

"Of course. Would you like me to have one of the nurses heading over there take you to the room?" the women asked. Maureen realized how the women behind the desk took what she said. First, that _had_ to be set straight. Second, Roger needed to go be with Mark.

"I'm not his fiancé, but yes I do want the nurse to take him." Maureen said. The women looked at Maureen with a questioning look. "I'll be right back." She said before walking back over to Roger.

Maureen knelt down in front of Roger and took his hand. "Rog, I got it so you can go and stay with Mark. I told the women at the desk that you're his fiancé. It was the only way to get it so you could stay with him all the time." Roger looked at Maureen with tears in his eyes. He nodded before getting up and following her.

It was said that biological family could stay the entire time with the person, but friends and distant relatives could only go in on visiting hours, which to them didn't make sense. The people were in the hospice ward were dying and they had restrictions on visitations.

"Ma'am, this is Mr. Cohen's fiancé." The woman was shocked. "I can understand if you don't approve of this, but the man in there is dying and I'm pretty sure you can't refuse true love. So can you please have one of the nurses take Mr. Davis here to his dying lover?" Maureen said.

The women didn't take her eyes off of Maureen as she called for one of the nurses. "Mary, will you take Mr. Davis to room 562?"

"Thank you." Maureen said before letting Roger go as he walked away with the nurse named Mary.

Roger arrived at Mark's door but he couldn't bring himself to go in. "Mr. Davis, are you alright?" Mary asked him.

"Have you ever lost someone?" Roger asked her.

"Just my dog when I was little, but I guess that isn't the same." Mary said.

"It can be." Roger said before sighing. "Truth be told I am terrified to go in there and see him." Roger said. "I'm scared that the next time I walk out of this hospital it will be without him."

Mary put a comforting hand on Roger's shoulder. Roger sighed before opening the door and walked in. Mark was sleeping on the bed. His head was facing toward the window to his left. Mark's right hand was resting on his stomach and slowly rising with each breath. Roger pulled a chair up to the bed side and rested his head on the bed. He knew deep down that this was the end. The next time he entered the loft it would be without Mark.

Eventually Mark stirred and opened his eyes to see Roger. He ran his fingers through the rock star's long hair. He loved how soft it was and how freely it flowed around his lover's face. He knew he would miss that. He knew he would miss the love in the olive green orbs even more.

Roger felt the hand run through his hair. He knew that touch. That gentle, soft touch. The touch he knew he would miss. The love he knew he would miss. The person he knew he would miss more than anything.

Olive green met with ice blue. Roger lifted his head too look at Mark better. He stood up and sat on the edge of Mark's bed. He held Mark's hand as he looked at the sick filmmaker in front of him. "I'm sorry." He said quietly.

"For what? You didn't cause this." Mark responded quietly.

"I promised you wouldn't be here in the end." Roger said. Mark smiled sadly at the musician and put his hand gently on Roger's knee.

"Rog," he said looking into the sad eyes of his lover, "you have so many bad memories at home that you don't need another." The fading filmmaker said. Roger just nodded in agreement.

There were many bad memories in the loft. The bathroom held the never ending painful memory of April and the mess that she left behind. The kitchen table held the memory of the fateful night when everyone thought that Mimi was lost. The couch which held the painful memory of holding Mimi as she said her final good-bye, and now the rug held the bitter memory of Mark passing out with the tea stain that more than likely formed.

A knock sounded on the door before it was opened to revile Mary the nurse. "Excuse me Mr. Cohen, but your family is here to see you." She said sweetly. It must truly be hard to work in the hospice ward were your job was the ready people for death.

The door opened to show Mrs. Cohen, Cindy, Josh, and the two boys. Mrs. Cohen almost lost any and all composer that she had. Josh placed a comforting hand on Cindy's shoulder as she looked at her brother. Neither boy truly understood what was going on, but they knew that their uncle was sick.

"Oh Marky" Mrs. Cohen wailed as she wrapped her arms around her son's neck and hugged him. With one last squeeze to Mark's hand, Roger removed himself from the bed and sat in the corner of the room to give Mark and his family some room.

"Hi momma" Mark said as he did his best to hug his mother back. Mrs. Cohen began to cry as she held her son. Josh removed Mrs. Cohen and led her to the chair that Roger had moved to the bed side.

Cindy leaned over her brother and kissed him gently on his cheek before hugging him. "I love you Mark." She said as she hugged her younger brother.

"I love you too, Cind." Mark said. This was all too much for him and the fact that his nephews were there made it much worse.

Jake and Chris climbed onto the bed and sat next to their uncle. "Hey boys" Mark said as he ruffled each boys hair.

"Uncle Mark, mommy told us what's happening." Jake said as his blue eyes showed fear.

"Do you really have to go?" Chris asked. Tears started to form in his light green eyes. They were only five so understanding everything was going to be hard.

Mark's heart broke as he looked at the two boys he had only seen a handful of times since they were born. He didn't know his nephews and they certainly didn't know him. "There's nothing I can do about it boys." Mark said. Jake and Chris crawled up to Mark and wrapped their arms around his neck. Mark looked over the two blonde heads and saw tears in his sister's eyes.

"Let's give your uncle some room to breath." Josh said. He had one arm wrapped around Cindy's shoulder holding her next to him as she cried silent tears. Chris and Jake let go of Mark before climbing off the bed. They both sat on the floor and watched everything else round them.

Silence passed in the room. No one knew what to say and what they wanted to say they didn't know how to word it. Roger decided it would be best if he left the Cohens and Douglases alone. He walked up to Mark's bed. "I'm going to go talk to the guys so you can be alone with your family." Roger said.

"Okay. Thanks, Rog. I love you." Mark said as he looked up into Roger's sad olive orbs.

"I'll be back later. I love you too, Mark." Roger said. He bent down and kissed Mark lightly on the lips before exiting the room. He sighed and allowed a tear to fall down his face once the door had closed. This was a lot harder than he thought.

Once Roger had left Mrs. Cohen looked at her son. "I'm happy for you." She said as tears fell down her face. "I never would have imagined it like this years ago, but he really cares for you." She said.

"I know this is the reason you left, but honestly I think you are truly happy with Roger." Cindy added in. Chris and Jake looked back and forth between people confused. They had always seen their parents kiss, or their grandparents every so often, but never this. They knew a guy and girl kissing was allowed, but they had just seen their uncle and another guy kiss. They didn't know what to think.

"I am happy with Rog. I just feel terrible about leaving him. April committed suicide and Mimi died in his arms. I never wanted to put Roger through that again and now I am." Mark said as a tear fell down his cheek.

"Mommy" Chris asked as he tugged on his mother's pant leg. "I thought only you and daddy kissed." He said. Mark's eyes widened in horror when he realized what Chris just said. His nephews just saw him and Roger kiss. He had just ruined any teaching his sister had taught her children.

"Chris, people kiss when they love each other. I kiss your father because I love him. Grandpa and grandma kiss because they love each other. Your uncle and Roger kissed because they love each other. I want you both to learn right now that it's perfectly fine to love someone the same gender as you. Love knows no boundaries." Cindy said to her boys.

"Boys, I never want you to resent two men, or two women, for kissing. They are in love and happy and that's all that matters. Do you understand?" Josh asked as he knelt down to face his sons. Chris and Jake nodded their heads in agreement.

"I wish your father would have thought that way. I might have had more time with you." Mrs. Cohen said to Mark. He smiled sadly at his mother. Cindy looked up at her brother and smiled. Mark simply mouthed 'thank you' to her. His family, minus his father, accepted the fact that he loved and was in love with Roger.

Roger walked down the long hallway toward the waiting room. Collins, Maureen, Joanne, and to his surprise Benny sat waiting. Joanne noticed Roger enter the room and wrapped her arms around the rocker. "Are you okay?" She asked as another tear fell down Roger's face.

"Yeah. Mark's talking to his family and I figured I would leave them alone." Roger said.

"Who were the two boys with them? Come to think of it, who was the man as well?" Maureen asked. She had only meet Mark's mother and sister once and that was years ago.

"Cindy's husband, Josh, and their twin boys." Roger said. Roger could only imagine Mimi clapping her hands to her face and gasping at this. Instead, Maureen did it for her.

"Rog, how old are Mark's nephews?" Collins asked.

"Five, I think."

"This has to be hard on them. I doubt they understand much of what is going on." Joanne said. Roger then turned towards Benny. The two hadn't talked in a long time, but in light of the circumstances, it was time to talk again.

Roger, to everyone's surprise, even Benny's, walked up to him and embraced him in a friendly hug. "I'm so sorry, Rog." Benny said as he hugged the musician back.

"Me too. I should have listened to Mark and forgiven you awhile ago, but my pride got in the way. I'm sorry that we have to start talking again here of all places." Roger said as he pulled away from Benny.

"I had to come. He's my friend too and I would do anything to help him if I knew it would save him, but I think I'm too late." Benny said. Roger placed a hand on Benny's shoulder.

"I think he'll be glad to see you."

Awhile later Mrs. Cohen, Cindy, Josh, and the boys came back into the waiting room. "Rog, he wants to see you and everyone else. The nurse said it was alright if you all went back there for a while." Cindy said as she set Jake on the ground next to his brother.

Roger slowly led everyone to Mark's room: Room 121 Mark Cohen. Roger knocked lightly on the door before entering. Mary was in there checking on him when all five of them filed into the room. "I was just leaving." She said before heading out the door and closing it behind her. Roger walked up and gave Mark a gentle kiss before heading over and hopping up on the window sill to allow everyone room to see him.

"Oh Marky!" Maureen said as she began to fuss over him.

"Maureen, please." Mark said quietly. She stopped instantly at the sound of his voice. It was weak and tired and very much unlike Mark. Joanne pulled Maureen into a hug and held onto her.

"How ya doin'?" Collins asked as he leaned down to hug Mark.

"I've been better." Mark replied quietly.

"I bet" Collins said as he held the filmmaker.

"Col, do you still have the letter?" Mark whisper loud enough for only Collins to hear.

"Yes, it's safe in my house. I'll give it to him after the funeral." Collins said quietly trying to keep tears away.

"Thank you." Mark said. Collins released the filmmaker and went to go sit next to Roger. Maureen wrapped her arms around Mark and hugged him lightly. She was afraid he would break. Tears began to fall down her face as she held onto him. "Mo, it's going to be okay." Mark said quietly as he rubbed her back.

"No it won't" she cried "You're dying and it's not fair."

"Mo nothing is ever fair. If life was fair Angel would be here along with Mimi and maybe even April." Mark said. He hadn't fully forgiven her for committing suicide and leaving Roger behind to deal with everything.

"If they were here you wouldn't be in here." Maureen said through her tears.

"If Angel was here then I'd have to watch her make a new outfit out of a table cloth or something." Collins let out a slight chuckle from his perch next to Roger. "And if Mimi was here then I would have to deal with her never ending motherly love, which would more than likely make me sick." Mark said. Joanne and Collins both slightly chuckled at this.

Maureen pulled away from Mark. She looked at Roger and then back to Mark. "Mark, if they were here would you be with Roger?" Maureen asked. Joanne and Collins could have both killed her right then and there. Mark looked away from Maureen and over to Roger. Roger was trying to find something to say, but words were failing him. Mark looked at Roger before sighing.

"No, Maureen, we wouldn't. Roger loved Mimi a lot and I respect that. If she was here he would be with her. I have no doubt of that." Mark said quietly.

"Mark, I—" Roger started but Mark stopped him.

"We both know it, Rog. You loved Mimi and still do. If she was here, you would be with her. I have no doubt that you would. I understand that too. It's not a big deal. The difference is, is that Mimi and Angel aren't here. They aren't here and I was lucky enough to spend my end with you." Mark said. Collins still wanted to kill Maureen, but there words changed Roger.

He jumped down from his perch and went over to Mark. He wrapped his arms around the filmmaker and kissed him hard and passionately. Mark melted into the touch that he wanted to keep forever, but it wouldn't happen. Roger was feeling the saw way. Roger pulled away from Mark and looked at him.

"You're right, I would be with Mimi, but she's not here. You are and I love you." Roger said kissing him again.

Roger sat on the bed holding Mark while Maureen sat on the foot of the bed, Joanne in a chair next to the bed and Collins in another chair next to her. They sat there talking about the past, a past full of bittersweet memories that everyone held close.

Collins sat watching Roger and Mark hold each other. The words from a few years ago filled Collins head. '_Thank god this moments not the last.' _Collins couldn't help but smile and at the same time cry. This was the last moment that they would all be together. This moment _was_ the last. He was just glad that this wasn't Mark and Roger's last. That would come soon enough.

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(Author's Note: Yes, I know, I took ages. I don't know where to go after Marks death. Should I go to the funeral or just straight to an epilog (which is written and will make people cry, I cried while I wrote it.) Give me ideas on what you think. Should I do a funeral or not… I need input here. Alright so I don't deserve it, since I never update, but what can I say? I'm sorry! begs for forgiveness

All right, after some input I should have the next chapter up. I'm giving a time limit because with me it could take forever… sorry blame it on college… I do.)


	18. Farewell Is Like The End

(Author's Note: Okay and here is the next chapter. Enjoy.)

**WARNING: You More Than Likely _WILL _Cry! Collect Kleenex NOW! **

I will wait while your go collect your Kleenex…

(waits)  
(waits some more)  
(still waiting)  
(taps foot while waiting)  
(looks at watch while waiting)

Okay, that's enough time… you should have your Kleenex now. Please continue on. I will meet you again when you are finished reading….

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Chapter Eighteen: Farewell Is Like The End **

_Goodbye may seem forever  
Farewell is like the end  
But in my heart is a memory  
And there you'll always be  
_-From Disney's "The Fox and the Hound"

Collins was right… Mark and Roger's last moment would come soon enough. He was right. Reason being… it was here.

Mark had been in the hospital for a few days now and he was slowly getting worse. It was hard for him to even stay awake at times. His body was giving up but his soul wanted to keep living.

Roger sat in the hospital holding Mark's hand as he slept. Roger knew in his heart that this was the end. He had to let Mark go. He knew Mark was staying for him, and he couldn't allow Mark to do that anymore. Mark needed to go and Roger knew it.

Roger reached up with his other hand and stroked Mark's cheek with his thumb. Mark began to stir and eventually opened his eyes to look into the olive green ones that he loved so much. Mark squeezed Roger's hand as he felt Roger's gentle touch.

"How are you?" Roger asked as he looked down at his dying lover. Mark was weak. His ice blue eyes once so full of life, spirit, and hope were now a dull, dead blue. There was no glow in Mark's eyes. There was no hope. There was no life, and the little bit of spirit left was dying.

Mark fought to keep his eyes open as he looked at the pain and heartbreak in Roger's eyes. Mark knew it was the end and so did Roger. "I'm tired Rog." Mark said.

Tears formed in the corners of Roger's eyes as he realized what he had to do. Roger let go to Mark's hand and sat on the bed. He then bent down and scooped Mark's body up in his arms like he had done to Mimi when she almost died that one Christmas Eve.

Roger held Mark close and hugged him tightly. The tear finally fell as Mark's arms wrapped around Roger too. "Mark" Roger said as a tear fell down his face. "I need you to go." Roger said trying his hardest not to start sobbing.

Mark's grip on Roger tightened a bit and he began to cry. "I don't want to." Mark said letting out a sob. "I don't want to leave you." He cried holding tighter to Roger.

Roger pulled Mark away from him and held his head in his hands. Mark's hands were on Roger's sides gripping to his shirt. With his thumbs Roger wiped away the tears the best he could. "I don't want you to go either." Roger said wiping away Mark's tears. "But I can't let you stay here any longer." Tears fell down Roger's face as he did his best not to sob. "You've been dying in my arms for the past two months and it's time to let go. Love, you made it to November. You did what no one thought you would. But, I can't sit here and watch you in pain anymore. I can't." Roger said with tears pouring down his face now.

Mark smiled slightly through his tears before burying his head in Roger's chest. He sobbed into Roger's shirt clinging to him for dear life. "I love you, Roger. I love you so much." Mark cried through his sobs.

Roger rocked the crying blonde back and forth. "I love you too, Mark. I love you too." He kissed the top of Mark's head as they cried. Mark pulled away from Roger and looked into his tear filled olive green eyes. Mark leaned forward and locked his lips with Roger's one last time.

Roger could taste the salt from Mark's tears as he kissed him passionately. He knew he would miss the love Mark had shown him, even before they were together. He knew he would miss the softness of Mark's lips. He knew he would miss lying in bed holding him close. He would miss him, and that was that.

Mark and Roger eventually pulled apart only to embrace in a hug as more tears fell. When the hug broke, Mark laid back down on the bed. Roger sat on the bed holding Mark's hand. Mark brought Roger's hand up to his face and he held the back of Roger's hand to his cheek.

"I love you." Mark said quietly. Roger smiled through his tears before stroking Mark's face with his thumb.

"I love you too, Mark." Roger told him.

"Rog, you don't have to stay." Mark told him as more tears fell down his face.

"I won't leave you. I could never do that. I didn't leave Mimi, and I won't leave you. I love you too much to let you be alone." Roger said. Mark smiled some as his eyes closed. He was tired, but he knew if he went to sleep, he wouldn't wake up.

"Rog, I'm sorry."

"For what?" Roger asked.

"I'm not going to be able to keep my promise. I won't be able to be there for you." Mark said opening his eyes to look at Roger. Roger was dumbfounded. Mark was lying on his death bed and he was sorry that he wouldn't be there when Roger died.

"Love, it's not your fault. There's nothing to be sorry for." Mark slowly nodded his head before closing his eyes again. The end was too close for either of them to take.

"Rog? Will you sing for me?" Mark asked as a tear fell from his closed eyes.

"Of course, Mark, of course." Roger held tight to Mark's hand as he began. "_Last night I had a crazy dream_" Roger sung as he stroked Mark's cheek. "_A wish was granted just for me/ It could be for anything_." Roger's voice cracked as he sung due to the tears, but he kept going, just for Mark. "_I didn't asked for money/ Or a mansion in Malibu/ I simply wished, for one more day with you_." Tears poured down Roger's face as he sung their song. With Mark's other hand he reached out and grabbed onto Roger's shirt clinging to it. "One more day." Roger said. He couldn't bring himself to sing anymore. The tears were becoming too much for him to sing through, so he talked through the rest.

"One more time." Mark whispered back to him.

"One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied." He held tight to Mark's hand as tears dropped from his face into his lap. "But then again/ I know what it would do. Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you." Roger couldn't take it anymore. The tears just began to cascade down his face. "One more day."

As soon as the word 'day' left his mouth, his world changed. He watched Mark's breathing even out, slow down, and finally stop. The hand clinging to Roger's shirt fell into Roger's lap. The hand holding Roger's to his face loosened. Roger looked up to see a final tear slid down from the corner of Mark's eyes. Mark was gone.

"One more day/ One more touch." Roger whispered to Mark's lifeless body. Roger removed his hand from Mark's hand and face before hiding his own and crying. He moved his hands so they were just cupping his face as he looked down at Mark. Eventually Roger moved from the bed and stood next to it. "I love you, Mark. I love you so much." He said before kissing Mark's lip with a simple little peck. "I'll miss you." He said before kissing Mark's forehead. Roger left the room with tears falling down his face. He had just lost his best friend, his roommate, his lover, his soul mate.

Roger walked into the waiting room to see Collins and Maureen. Collins noticed Roger and then saw the tears in his eyes. He knew that had happened. Collins stood up to consol his friend, but he didn't expect what happened.

Roger couldn't take it anymore and he finally broke down. He threw he arms around Collins and cried. He broke down and sobbed. Loud tears and cries of pain and sorrow came from Roger. He body shook from the sobs as he cried to Collins. Collins held the broken rocker in his arms while Maureen rubbed small circles on his back. This only made him cry harder. Mark had always held him and rubbed his back when he cried during his withdrawal. Everything reminded him of Mark and he hated it.

He wanted Mark back but he couldn't and it killed him. He wanted to hold the filmmaker again. He wanted to feel the warmth of Mark's body, the caring in Mark's touch, and the love in Mark's kiss. He wanted it all, but it was gone. It was all gone.

_The Mind Churns  
The Heart Yearns  
The Tears Dry  
Without You _

Life Goes On  
But I'm Gone  
Cause I Die  
Withouy You

-"Without You" from RENT

* * *

(blows nose)  
(dabs eye) 

Alright (sniff) well there you have it. Mark is gone.

(cries out loud)  
---five minutes later---  
(still crying)

Alright, (sniff) alright, I'm better… Poor Marky and Roger.

I know some of you were expecting a better death, but I enjoyed the emotions in this, so please go with it. I still need to know if I should write the funeral or just go onto the letter that Mark wrote and how Roger takes it or straight to the epilog… someone give me some advice….

Sorry it was so sad…

Until next time…

(Added Author's Note before posting:**_ I AM SO FREAKIN SORRY!!!_** I know it has taken me months to get this out. Please forgive me, I blame it on college. This semester has ben hell for me. On the plus side I did get to see **RENT Live!** here at my college.

I bought the tickets months ago and I was so happy when **RENT Live!** finally arrived here. It was amazing. Sadly no pictures or recording could be taken. To say I was sad was an understatement. I have to the say the cast was good. Collins had a fro that was held back in a pony tail. Kind of funny. Roger had too timid of a voice and it didn't carry as well, but besided those little nit picks of mine, It was **_amazing_**! One day I will go see it on broadway, but this will be after I win the lottery.

When this semester is done and over with, (one week) I will finish the last chapter and finally finish this story. Sadly the epilog was written before the last chapter and that is what I am hung up on. :-/ Oh well. Hopefully I'll get somewhere. Thank you all for putting up with my lack of updating. I am truely sorry.)


	19. Healing

(Author's Note: Okay I know this took forever, but instead of explaining why now, I'm just going to let you read)

**

* * *

**

It had been two weeks. Two long weeks since Mark had passed away. To say that Roger was lonely and lost was an understatement. Roger was taking it extremely hard and living each day like a zombie. No matter what anyone said, he couldn't get over the loss which he had suffered. Today, however, might ease some of the pain.

Collins walked up the stairs to the loft. His hand holding onto the letter tucked inside his pocket. It had been almost a month since Mark had handed him this exact letter to hold onto. As Collins thought about it, he realized he should have given the letter to Roger a week or more ago, but in truth, Mark's death was affecting him… a lot.

Collins was the first one to meet Mark as he was dragged into the loft by Benny, both recently coming from Brown, whether Benny was a drop out or not was still unknown to Collins. Mark was such a skinny, pale, lost blonde kid who didn't even look old enough to have his license let alone be a college drop out. Yet, Collins took to the kid immediately. He was the first person Collins had meet who took to his theory of actual reality seriously and with interest. So when he had learned that Mark was ill and would pass away before him it was a massive shock to Collins.

He figured that he might have been able to deal with Mark's death a little better had it not occurred two days after the anniversary of Angel's funeral. He probably could have been a much better help to Roger had his own feelings and thoughts not gotten in the way, but he was only human and had a right to grieve for his friend's lost, did he not? Collins, had in fact, drowned the memories of Angel's death as well as Mark's with stoli. This was probably the reason he was unprepared for the sight he saw upon entering the loft.

As he opened the door to the loft, he couldn't help but stare at the man who was just a shell of his former self. Roger sat huddled on the couch with his knees up to his chest. His face was emotionless and unchanging. The only sign of movement from him was the slight rise and fall of the cup in his hands as he breathed. Said cup was filled with coffee; from it steam slowly rose into the air. Tears were slowly rolling down his cheeks as they fell from the corners of Roger's olive green eyes. His gaze was locked with that of the tea stain in the rug. For Roger's sake, Collins knew he needed to remove said rug.

"Hey Rog." Collins said as he slid the door closed behind him. Roger didn't move he just kept staring at the rug. As Collins walked closer, he could tell that the coffee hadn't even been touched. "Roger" he didn't know how to bring up the topic of Mark, let alone the letter which he had been keeping for the past month; a letter which was bound to make Roger angry and probably cause more tears to fall. Eventually Collins figured beating around the bush would be pointless so he pulled the envelope Mark had given him out of his pocket. "Rog, I have this for you."

Slowly Roger turned his gaze from the tea stain to that of his friend. Collins could clearly see the extent of the man's sadness. Roger's green eyes were blood shot and tear stains occupied his cheeks. Collins extended the letter to the now broken musician. Roger tentatively took the envelope from him before Collins sat down on the other side of the couch. Roger placed his untouched coffee down before staring at the letter.

'_Roger_' was written across the envelope in that messy, yet somewhat neat writing. That writing belonged to only one person: Mark. More tears formed in his eyes, and one fell, as he slowly opened the envelope and removed the letter from inside. More messy writing filled the page.

_Roger,_

_I know that if you're reading this than I am no longer with you in person. I am still with you in spirit and I hope you know that. Do not reprimand Collins for holding this letter so long. I asked him to do so. I wanted you to have time to except my passing before this was presented to you. _

_I have something very important for you to understand, and I hope that you will understand it and that you won't despise me for it. By now you might have become aware of the fact that I would never film anymore, or that you have not even seen my camera around. There is a reason for such a thing. I sold it. Well, actually I had asked Collins to do it for me since I was too sick and I knew that you never would. Do not look at Collins with that evil glare you can give, he didn't want to do such a thing, but after repeated begging (and there was a lot of it), he agreed. Rog, you and I both know that you would not have the heart to sell it and it wouldn't do you any good to have it lying around. You need the money Roger, I know you do._

_The second thing: under the bed resides an old shoe box. Seeing as I have never once seen you look under the bed, I figured it was the best place to hind it. Within the box is what I have been saving for you from the moment I found out I was sick and would eventually leave you. Beside the box are two rolls of film. After living with me for as long as you have, I hope you know how to work the projector by now. One roll is all the footage I have from first moving into the loft until I became to sick, well not all, but the most important. The other roll is something I made especially for you. I made it a while back but when I finally finished it, you were going through withdrawal and when that was over I forgot all about it. I hope that you will appreciate these things._

_Roger, by now you have to know that I love you more than anything else in the world. I have always cared for you, but over time love developed. I wouldn't trade these last few months for anything. You are and will always be my world. Love, you need to confide in Collins, he can help you. He lost Angel remember? He can help you some. I know I have been there for you when Mimi and April passed, but I simply can't be there now. I still love you and I hope eventually your pain will ease. We will meet again one day, Rog, and until then I will watch over you. Always remember that when the wind blows, it's me whispering sweet nothings in your ear. When the rain has your clothes cling to your body, it's me hugging you close. When it snows and light snowflakes hit your face, it's me giving you sweet little kisses. I love you, Roger._

_Yours forever and for always,  
__Mark Cohen_

_Roger, don't forget to take your AZT_

Roger stared at the letter in shock. Tears fell down his face as he stared at Mark's signature. Slowly his eyes drifted up to Collins. "You knew?"

Collin's looked at Roger. What in the world was the boy talking about? What did he know? "Knew what?" Collins asked.

"You knew that even though Mark was dying, he was still taking care of me? No matter what, Mark was always taking care of me." Roger was becoming angry now. He wasn't sure who he was angry at, but this had to come out. "He refused to leave because he didn't want to leave me alone! For once in his life why couldn't he have been selfish?!" Roger cried throwing the letter down on the couch and going over to the window to stare at the street below him; just as Mark had done those six months ago when Roger found him crying on the windowsill.

"Roger, you know that's not Mark. Everything in his life was done for you and only you. You have to know that by now. Mark had to make sure that you were okay before he left. That's why he begged me to sell his camera; he had to make sure that you would be fine when he did leave. Mark never cared for himself, he only cared for you." Collins said.

"Even back during April?" Roger asked quietly.

"Especially back during April. Roger, Do you even know how well April and Mark got along?" Roger turned around to look at his friend and shook his head no. "April hated Mark. She absolutely despised him. He was too close to you. He knew what was best for you and he could give you anything you wanted. April knew this, and thus hated him for it. Of course none of us knew that, but after a while I pick up on it. I remember how April always tried to keep you two apart. I remember that Mark wasn't around much when April was and when she moved in he pretty much disappeared. Rog, I talked to Mark one day after I realized what was going on. I asked him about it. He told me that April had threatened his life if he got in between you and her. So, fearing for his life, Mark had stayed away. He hid when she was around and never left his room when she moved in. Even then Mark worked nonstop so that there was food in the loft. When I finally moved out, because I couldn't take April anymore, Mark came to stay with me from time to time, but he always went back to make sure you had food and clean clothes and such. He loved you then, but he wouldn't say anything until hell froze over."

"All that time and he never talked to me?"

"How could he, Roger? April was always around and threatening his life for God's sake. I wanted Mark to move out to live with me, but he refused. He said, and I quote, 'I can't Collins. I can't leave Rog there when April does something that will probably kill him. I can't let him die at her hands, but I can't get close enough to him to talk to him. So, I deal with making sure he's fed.' I couldn't fight with the boy, and it turns out he was right. April fucked up and left Mark to pick up the pieces, but Mark didn't care, because as long as you were fine and alive, he would deal with anything fate threw at him."

"And I was no support when Maureen broke his heart because I was going through withdrawal and would use that she dumped him for a girl against him. I was such an ass to him and yet he took care of me, and loved me. I don't understand it." Roger said finally sitting back down on the couch.

"Neither do I, Rog. That's just how Mark was and only he knows why he did those things for you. Only he knows."

"It's not fair, Collins, I should have done more for him while he was alive." Roger said tears starting to fall as his anger subsided and depression kicked in.

"Roger, you gave Mark the greatest thing of all: Unconditional love. It may have taken both of you ages to realize it, but you two have always loved each other. You two had always been there for one another. Even now, with Mark gone, he's still here, looking over you and loving you. Just keep loving him and I'm almost positive that's all Mark has ever wanted from you in return." Collins said.

Roger got up from the couch and went into the bedroom. He had no comment to give to Collins and he wasn't in the mood to break down into more tears, so he left. Lying on the floor his crawled under the bed and pulled out two rolls of film and one shoe box all covered in a layer of dust.

He returned to the couch where Collins still sat with two rolls of film and shoe box. After sitting down, he set the film rolls on the coffee table before he opened the shoe box. Resting inside was a couple hundred dollars as well as the check Mark had received for his camera. "I can never repay him for this." Roger said closing the box and setting in on the coffee table.

"I already told you how to." Collins replied quietly. Nodding his head Roger left the couch to set up Mark's film projector just as he had watched Mark do a million times before. When it was finally set up he went to grab the film rolls and he finally read the labels.

The top one was labeled '_The Past_'. Roger assumed this was the one of moving into the loft until Mark had become sick. The second roll is what made him want to break down into more tears. '_The Well Hungarians' Music Video_' was written across the label. Mark had actually made a Music Video for Roger's band.

Roger placed the video into the projector and watched as the first chords of the song that got them noticed played across the screen. It started with the group playing in crappy little club with only a few people in the audience. It showed clips of the band drinking and having fun. It showed every major moment in the bands life from before getting noticed to there first time playing at CBGB's. Mark had done an amazing job editing and putting the video together. Tear fell down Roger's face by the time it finished.

"That kid had an amazing talent." Collins said as Roger removed the film from the projector.

"A talent that the world will never know." Roger said as he placed the next film in.

The film started with Roger perched on the windowsill strumming his guitar. He stared out the window as his fingers ran gracefully over the strings. "Rog, stop playin' that damn thing and come meet out new roommates." Collins voice floated from off screen. Roger placed his guitar down and walked closer to the camera. "Roger, this is Mark and Benny. Guys, this is my annoying and yet somewhat useful roommate, Roger." Roger's hand flew off screen and smacked Collins.

"You ass, I am not useless and only somewhat annoying." Roger replied as Collins mumbled something that was unheard. "I heard that." Roger said hitting Collins again.

"Rog, be useful and show these guys to there rooms. I have to work on my theory." Collins said as he walked into the view of camera and headed toward the table.

"Theory on what?" Mark's voice could be heard from behind the camera.

"Actual reality." Collins replied as he sat down at the table.

"Really? Explain it to me." Mark said. The camera focused on the floor before the screen went black.

"I remember that day. Mark was so damn nerdy it was funny." Collins said.

"Mark was always nerdy, he just didn't always show it." Roger said.

"True, but we soon knocked most of the nerd out of him." Collins said laughing.

The film continued to play random, memorable moments from throughout their lives. Parts of Maureen's protests were in there. Some table dancing graced the screen every now and then. Angel in her Santa suit as well as Mimi at the Cat Scratch Club was mixed in there. As each scene played, more tears fell down Roger's face until the screen went black and the film ended.

"I never realized just how much of our lives were caught on film." Roger said.

"It's not hard to imagine, just hard to believe that he spent so much time focused on us and our lives." Collins replied. They sat in silence for a while before Collins finally spoke again. "Why don't we go visit them?" he asked.

"I can't bring myself to go there just yet." Roger said, his gaze returning to the stained rug. Collins followed his line of sight before sighing. He really needed to get Roger out of this loft.

"Rog, maybe you need to go there. Not only to see him, but to see Mimi and Angel too. You haven't visited Mimi since Mark became really ill. It always helped me when I went to visit Angel after she passed. It may sound weird to go see the person you miss, but it helped me. I got to talk to her and slowly I worked through things on my own, but it wasn't on my own because Angel was with me. I know she was there helping me."

Roger reluctantly gave in and followed Collins out of the loft and toward the cemetery.

As they walked towards the cemetery to where Angel, Mimi, and now Mark were, Roger couldn't keep his mind from running. He wondered what it would have been like had Mark not become sick. What if Mark was still healthy and he and Collins were walking to the cemetery to visit Angel and Mimi? What if Mark had just gotten treatment like he should have? Would he still be alive right now, walking down the street with Roger? But, what if Mark had known he was sick? What if he had refused treatment to begin with? What if he had wanted it to end this way? Roger's mind was running on this thought alone, and he couldn't take it anymore.

"Collins, what if Mark wanted it this way?" Roger asked his hands shoved deep within his coat pockets.

"What way?" Collins asked looking over at Roger, who was watching his feet as he walked. Collins could tell that his mind was running over a thought that probably wasn't a good one.

"What if Mark wanted to… to pass away like this?" Roger asked as he kicked a stone that was in his path.

"You think Mark wanted to pass away weak and helpless in a hospital?" Collins asked not believing his ears.

"No, not like that, but before us. Before your or my time came. What if he wanted that?"

"What makes you think that he wanted to die before either of us?" Collins asked. Roger stared at the ground. He hadn't wanted to tell Collins what had happened before he, himself, had taken off to Santa Fe.

"Collins, you remember after Angel's funeral, we had all gotten into a fight?" Collins nodded, not wanting to remember said event. "Well, Mark came home after I had. He was trying to convince me to stay…that I needed to stay now more than ever before. Unfortunately, we had gotten into a verbal fight and I threw all of his fears into his face. I yelled the fact that he detached from the world when things got too hard for him. I screamed at him that he loved his camera more than anything else in the world. I ripped open too many painful things for him, and you know that his response was? 'Perhaps it's because I'm the one of us to survive.'

"Collins, it makes me think that he didn't want to be alone. Eventually you and I would leave him and who knows what Maureen and Joanne would do. He would have been alone and I believe deep down inside, he didn't want that. Maybe he found his way out of it and took it. Maybe he wanted to… to leave us before we left him. You think that might be true?"

"No" Collins stated flatly. "No, I don't believe it. He gave up his world for you when you needed it. He worked to save money so you would be fine after he was gone. He refused to pass away until you told him it was alright for him to. He didn't leave until he knew you would be fine. So, no Roger, I don't think he wanted to go before us. If anything, he knew he couldn't change his fate, and just decided that not being alone when his time came was that only good point to his death."

Roger remained quiet the rest of the walk. When they reached the cemetery Collins instantly went over to Angel which left Roger to face Mark alone. Slowly he walked toward the grave that held his best friend and recent love. Before he reached it, he stopped to see Mimi's. A simple rose was craved into the top of the stone. Below it was carved her name. _Mimi Marquez_. It was hard to believe that she had been gone for just under three years already. He knew he should stay longer with her, but he also knew that he had face Mark.

Slowly walking away from Mimi, Roger headed towards Mark. There sat a newly made grave with a new stone marking the spot. Roger looked down at the stone only to have tears form in his eyes.

Mark Anthony Cohen  
January 16, 1965 – November 2, 1993  
Beloved Friend and Soul Mate  
"Sometimes The Body Is Weaker Than The Soul"

Roger sank down onto the ground as the tears fell from his eyes. "You have no idea as to how true that saying is" he cried as he rested his hand on the word _soul_, "and no idea how wrong it is that you even have this stone." Tears fell from Roger's eyes as he had his hand trace over the letters M-A-R-K. When his hand traced the _2_ he broke down and sobbed. His body shook as tears flowed from his eyes.

Two weeks. It had already been two weeks since Mark had stopped breathing. Two weeks since the cancer had clamed the filmmaker. Roger couldn't take it any longer. "Why? Why did you have to get sick? Why did you have to leave? You were meant to live. You said it yourself. You were the one who was meant to survive! It wasn't meant to be like this! You still have so much more to live for. You aren't meant to be gone! I still need you, Mark!" Roger cried to the ground where he knew Mark lay only six feet below him. "I still need you" he whispered as he allowed his sobs to over some him.

Collins came over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. It shouldn't have turned out this way, but that was just how life went. Mark was gone and all Roger could do was remember the past.

Eventually Roger stopped shaking and looked back up at Mark's name. "I love you, Mark. I'll be with you again some day." He whispered before standing up and turning to Collins. "It didn't help. I still feel lost and alone, and this only made it more real." He said.

Collins didn't know what to say. He just pulled Roger into a hug allowed the musician cry. He just hoped that this would allow Roger to start healing.

Eventually the two said good-bye to Mark, Mimi and Angel and headed back towards the loft. Roger walked next to Collins with his head down and hands stuck into the pockets of his leather jacket. Collins walked in the same fashion. Sighing he brought up the topic he didn't want to. "Rog, man, I'm sorry I haven't been there these past two weeks." Collins said quietly as he watched the gate of the cemetery draw ever closer.

"It's alright. In all honesty I expected your disappearance for awhile." Roger replied.

"How so?" Collins said taken aback by Roger's response. He figured Roger would have been slightly mad at him.

"I had run away when Angel died as well as Mimi. I figured someone else would have as well. Besides, you were always quite fond of Mark and he did pass away two days after Angel's funeral. I'm surprised you returned as soon as you did." Roger said kicking a rock.

"I guess you are smarter than you look sometimes, Rog." Collins said with a chuckle. Roger gave a small, half-hearted smile. Noticing the silence that passed between them and not liking the mood Roger was entering into, Collins started another topic. "Rog, have you been spending the past two weeks staring at that rug?"

"No" Roger gave a small laugh, "today was the first day I've actually left the bedroom for two weeks, besides using the bathroom and small amounts of food."

"Do you think that rug should be removed?"

"The bathroom can't be removed, and the tiles of still a little pink from what April did. The table, where Mimi almost died, can't be removed. The couch where Mimi did die can't be removed. Why remove the rug Mark passed out on? It doesn't seem fair."

"Fair doesn't always matter if it helps you to get over Mark's death."

"I don't think I'll ever be over it Collins. The pain will just slowly go away."

"Again, you are smarter than you look."

It was then and there at Roger's slow healing process began. He would always love Mark and always miss him, but over time the pain would slowly ease.

* * *

(Author's Note: Alright so to explain. I finished finals and ended up doing a massive job hunt to end up with nothing. Out of the blue I receive a call wanting me to come in for an interview. So I go in and get the job, since then I have been working six days a week with two conferences during the summer. I'm about to go back to school so figured it was time to finish the story.

On top of that a week ago (8/1/07) I went to New York City to see Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal back on stage for RENT. I got Anthony's autograph so I am overly happy about that. I want to go back to NYC and see it (and them) again. I strongly suggest going to go and see them if you can. It was amazing, and for those who haven't been there, it's a bad place to go. It's changed a lot since 9/11 and it's much safer (or so I was told).

I highly recommend going to the Nederlander Theater to see Anthony and Adam while they are still there.

The only thing left is the epilog, but that's been written since the 11th chapter. It won't take long to get that out.

Sorry for the delayed update and thanks to everyone who has stayed by me and my long time between updates)


	20. Epilog

**Epilog**

It was cold as the slight wind blew around the thousands of people gathered for the big event. The new millennium. Roger never wanted to come to Times Square for New Years, but he remembered, once many _many_ years ago, Mark telling him that he would love to go, even if it was just once.

Roger watched as the ball began to drop. Tears glistened in his ears as he watched the shinning ball rotate towards the giant 2000 sign. "5…4…3…" was chanted by everyone around him. Girls were jumping up and down while clinging to their boyfriend's arm. Roger slightly smiled as the ball finally dropped and the 2000 lit up the square. Streamers, confetti, balloons and anything else were released and covered everyone in the square.

Roger watched as the happy couples shared hugs and kisses as the new millennium came in. '_when you're living in American at the end of the Millennium, you _are_ alone._' Tears fell down Roger's face as he thought about Mark. He could picture Mark jumping around like an over hyper teenage girl before flinging his arms around Roger's neck and kissing him passionately. But that was only a dream; a dream that danced in Roger's head.

A sigh escaped Roger as he turned to walk away from the happy couples. Slowly he made his way through the many people and out of the crowd of people. The cold air finally made it too him. He remembered one of the last things that Mark told him. "When the wind blows, it's me whispering sweet nothings in your ear." Tears began to cascade down his face as he relived Mark's voice in his head. Although Mark had never said it him, he could still hear Mark's voice saying it.

Eventually he made his way to the cemetery. He stopped at the gates for a moment and looked around. The white snow from the previous day's snow fall was still clean. A few foot prints were left in the snow, but not many. He added his own foot prints into the snow before continuing up the hill to where Mark was laid to rest.

"I miss you, love." He said as he knelt down in front of the stone. The snow seeped through his jeans as he knelt in it. He cleaned the snow off of the stone and ran his hand over the letters in Mark's name. "I can't believe it's been six years already." He looked up at the sky. "I went to Times Square just for you. I know you wanted to go there, so I went for you. I can image you with me now to bring in the New Year, but sadly you're not here. Sadly it's all just a dream that swims in my mind. But, some day I will see you again. Some day I'll hold you in my arms." Roger said.

His finger followed the engraving of 1993. Six years ago the cancer had claimed his love. Six years he had lived with the pain of being alone. Six long years and that six would turn into even more. Roger was perfectly healthy. His t-cells were high and with the care and love that Maureen and Joanne still gave him, he wouldn't be joining Mark anytime soon. Sometimes he hated that concept, but then realized that Mark would hate if he just gave up, so Roger kept living.

"I love you, Mark. I always will." Roger traced M-A-R-K with his finger before standing up. The snow had soaked into his jeans, but he didn't care. Mark always loved the snow. He loved winter. His birthday was in winter.

Roger still hated the fall. The fall was when April killed herself. The fall was when Angel died. The fall was when he had run away from Mark and Mimi and life. The fall was when Mimi had finally given up on life. The fall was when Collins had slipped away to finally join Angel. The fall was when Mark had died. Roger hated fall.

"I love you" Roger said quietly before leaving Mark to rest and walking back to loft where he was greeted by Maureen fussing over him. She was always afraid of him getting sick. Joanne had recently been sick and she didn't want Roger to pass away mainly because it was close to Mark's birthday.

Over the next so many years Roger had begun to fade. Even with Maureen and Joanne trying everything to keep him alive and well, he faded. Roger was just finally giving up on life. It had been almost eleven years since Mark was taken. Roger was beyond ready to go.

It took another four years after the new millennium began before Roger was ready to rejoin with his love. Maureen was torn apart by it, but she knew he couldn't stay forever. He had already beaten all olds with living this long. Maureen had to smile though, it wasn't fall.

Roger lay in the hospital bed just waiting. He didn't have much time left, but just enough to talk to the two people who kept him alive these past ten almost eleven years.

Maureen sat on the bed and held his hand. Roger, weak as he was, looked up at Maureen and Joanne with tired olive green eyes. Eyes that had seen too much in the past. "You know, I always pictured Mark here at my end, but I'm glad he's not. It would only mean that he would be alone. I'm just glad that I'm not alone" Roger said. Maureen held tighter to his hand as Joanne wrapped her arms around Maureen's waist and rested her head on top of Maureen's.

"We could never leave you alone, Roger. Mark would hate us forever if we did." Maureen said. Roger looked up at the ceiling before sighing. A tear fell down his face as he spoke.

"Years ago I had wanted this time to come. Years ago I had wanted to die. I wanted everything to end because of what April did. I wanted to die, but I was scared of it. Mark kept me alive and was there for me, but still I feared death. I look back on that now and I realize how much Mark did for me. He kept me alive through it all, and in the end I still failed him. I couldn't save him."

"It wasn't your fault, Rog. He couldn't stop it anymore than you could." Joanne said.

"I know that. I still wish he would have tired."

"He told you why he didn't and you should be happy for that time you had with him." Maureen said as she held his hand tight.

"I know. I am so grateful for the time I got to share with him." He looked back at the two girls by his bed. "Years ago I feared death, but now I welcome it with open arms. I don't fear death anymore because, I know once it takes me I will see my Mark again." Roger said. Tears fell down Maureen's face as she listened to Roger begin to fade.

"And you will see him soon." Joanne said. She reached down and rubbed Roger hand. "You'll be in his arms again soon." She said. Roger slowly nodded his head before drifting off to sleep. Maureen and Joanne watched, with tears in their eyes, as Roger slipped into a peaceful sleep.

Before long Roger slipped from the world with a smile on his face. He was no longer scared of what awaited him when he died. He knew what awaited him. It awaited him with open arms and a heart full of love…and for that, he was happy.

* * *

Author's Note: That's it. That's the end. I never wanted it to take this long to finish the story, but it just took ages to find time to write, edit, and update while in school. 

Eventually I will put up more stories, but I think I am going to stick to one shots, or at least write the whole story before starting to post. Who knows.

Thanks to everyone who has been reading and staying with me. Sorry it took ages to finish, but I finally did. Thanks again!

By The Way: I'm thinking about writting a one-shot mini story to this. I always wanted to put in Maureen's reaction to visiting the cemetery, but I couldn't fit it the epilog without it ruining the happiness of Roger's passing. I do plan on writting that and updating it here soon, I hope.

I also plan on changing my author name there soon as well.

Again, thanks for everyone who stuck by this story regardless of how long it took me to update. (I blame college). I loved your reviews and the fact that you kept reading. Thanks!


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